Read Online On an Edge of Glass by Autumn Doughton - Free Book Online Page B

remember correctly.”  His voice drips with the implied I-told-you-so. 
    God.  He can be such a diva sometimes.  I tell him this and he laughs.
    “Look, Mark, I understand that I’m an idiot, but as my bestest friend in the universe can you focus on how I should proceed from here?  Do I just act like nothing happened with Ben?” 
    He raises one eyebrow at me.  “Is that even possible?”
    “I don’t know!”  I let my head fall to his shoulder.  “Tell me what to do, Oh Wise One.”
    Mark smirks and takes another gummy bear from the box.  “That depends on how you want this to play out Ellie-bear.  You keep saying that what happened with Ben is no big deal.  You’re shrugging your shoulders cryptically and trying to act nonchalant about the whole thing.  But at the same time, you’re calling me at the ass-crack of the morning to obsess over him.”
    “I think the term obsess is a little much.”
    Mark ignores me and continues.  “A nd you can deny it all you want, but something in you has changed.”  He pauses and gives me a brief once-over.  “You’re less stressed about school and the LSAT.  I haven’t heard you mention it in days…”
    He’s right.  I haven’t studied since last Thursday.  And I planned to have the first draft of my essay for Columbia done by tomorrow but so far I only have the opening paragraph written. 
    “Arggghhhh!”   All of the pieces are starting to stick together.  I swallow them down.  “You’re right.  I cannot believe I let this guy get so far under my skin.  How stupid am I?”
    “Don’t beat yourself up.”  Mark pats my hand.  “It happens.”
    “Does it?”  I croak out.
    “Well, maybe not to you, but to the majority of the world.  And it’s good for you.”
    “What’s good for me ?  Having a crush?”
    Mark turns his head so that he’s looking directly a t me.  “No.  Crushes are for fourteen year olds.  Ellie, I would describe what’s happening to you as falling .”
    “Falling,” I say softly, letting the word sink in.  “So, how do I get back up?”
    “Maybe you don’t.” 
    “ That’s not an answer.”
    Mark clears his throat.  “All I know is that I’ve never seen you like this over a boy.”
    This i s the problem with having a perceptive best friend.  Sometimes they know what you’re thinking before you know it yourself.  Mark is right.  I am thrown by Ben.  I’m losing sleep over this guy, and letting my mind dwell on him when I should be worrying about the LSAT, and my admission essay, and the summer internship in New York that I want. 
    I chew vigorously on a red gummy bear.  “You’re right.”
    Mark smiles glibly.  “Of course I am.”  He moves so that he’s sitting up and he flicks me an expectant look.  “So you’re going to talk to him tonight, right?  If I were you, I’d just ask him about the evil bitch of an ex and tell him how you feel.  Put it all out there and let the rest of the world go to hell.  That’s my advice.”
    I hold my face still and close my eyes.  “Nooooo,” I say slowly, deliberately.  “What I meant was… you’re right that I’m taking everything too far.  I am obsessing over Ben.  But that’s not the plan.  It’s not what I want or what I need right now.  This is my last year of college and I promised myself that I’d be completely serious about school so that I’d get the grades that I need for Columbia.  I don’t think I have enough brain cells to worry about Ben Hamilton and my classes and the LSAT at the same time.  So, the plan is to forget about him and his awful ex-girlfriend, and focus on prepping for the exam and that research paper I have due in nine days.”
    Mark’s silence is as big and loud as a sigh.  I don’t look because I don’t want to see the disappointment on his face.  Just feeling it is enough for me.
    Finally, he speaks.  “Ellie, you do realize that this is the worst plan ever?”
    “No, I think the