Read Online Off the Menu by Stacey Ballis - Free Book Online Page B
Authors: Stacey Ballis
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favor of pilates, yoga, and the elliptical. So we’re shifting from bad-ass gym chic to soothing and spalike.”
“Wonderful! How long will you be here?”
“Probably three or four days.”
“Can I throw a party? Everyone who has met you wants to see you again, and everyone who hasn’t, wants to.”
“Of course! Sounds wonderful. We’ll make plans as we get closer. Hold on. Driver, please take a left on Fourteenth Street. Yes. Just pull up here on the left. Alana … got to go, love you! Call you later!”
Bennie always calls me from taxis between appointments, or late at night. Which is perfect for me, since the taxi calls are quick catch-ups, and the late nights can be really good chin wags. Dumpling rises from his fabulous little teak and leather bed that Bennie designed and built for him, stretches strangely long for such a small, squat dog, and comes over to hop up on the couch next to me. I rub him under the chin, or rather chins, one of his favorite things, and take a small treat from the bowl on the windowsill behind me.
“Who’s my good boy?” Dumpling barks. I give him the treat, which he wolfs down and then he snuggles against me, making a strange guttural noise. In the months he spent at PAWS before I adopted him, he got very close to some of the cats, who apparently made a big impression on him. When he is very happy, he makes a noise that almost sounds like choking, his way of trying to purr.
“Should we go visit Maria?” She has invited me over for brunch, says she has something she needs my help with, and she requested that I bring Dumpling with me to have a playdate with her two brindled French bulldogs, Abrazos y Besos—Hugs and Kisses. Maria’s signature sign-off at the end of her show. The three of them are BFF, and hilarious to watch when they visit. Just hearing Maria’s name makes Dumpling jump off the couch and spin in a circle. “Okay, okay, let’s go!”
Dumpling goes over to the door and pulls off the leash I keep hung over the knob. He does prefer to walk himself. I grab my bag and keys and we head out.
Maria greets us at the door and grabs me in her expansive embrace. “
Mi amorrrrrr!
I am so ’appy you arrrrrrre herrrrrre.”
Dumpling tears into the living room like a (fruit) bat out of hell, where Abrazos and Besos tackle him from two sides like a couple of tiny linebackers. The three of them tangle into a pile of loving play, until Maria comes in and says firmly,
“Perros. Silencio.”
The three dogs immediately stop what they are doing, and sit in a straight line, Dumpling flanked by Maria’s dogs, all three of them with their heads tilted to the left waiting for further instruction. It never ceases to be hilarious to see them together, Dumpling’s head way too small for his body, and Maria’s dogs with their heads way too big for theirs. They look like seconds from the dog-head factory.
“Gigi?” Maria calls, and in two seconds her personal assistant materializes in the entryway. “Can you please take these thrrrrrree
ninos
to the dog park for an hour so we can ’ave some peace?”
“Of course. Hello, Alana, how are you?” Gigi has been with Maria for more than a decade, a quiet girl from downstate who landed an internship at the show while still a student at Columbia College, and turned out to be the perfect replacement for Maria’s first assistant, who got engaged, married, and pregnant with twins in quick succession, leaving Maria for a life of diapers and bottles. Gigi is amazing, and truly keeps Maria on schedule and organized. She leans down and asks the dogs very seriously, “Should we go to the park?” The three of them hear the word
park
and go nuts. “Well, then, troops, let’s go!” and the four of them head for the door. I love Gigi.
“You arrrrre ’ongry,
sí
? Comer?” Maria reaches for my hand, and we head for the kitchen.
Laid out on the rustic farm table that sits to the side of Maria’s enormous kitchen island is a lovely
“Wonderful! How long will you be here?”
“Probably three or four days.”
“Can I throw a party? Everyone who has met you wants to see you again, and everyone who hasn’t, wants to.”
“Of course! Sounds wonderful. We’ll make plans as we get closer. Hold on. Driver, please take a left on Fourteenth Street. Yes. Just pull up here on the left. Alana … got to go, love you! Call you later!”
Bennie always calls me from taxis between appointments, or late at night. Which is perfect for me, since the taxi calls are quick catch-ups, and the late nights can be really good chin wags. Dumpling rises from his fabulous little teak and leather bed that Bennie designed and built for him, stretches strangely long for such a small, squat dog, and comes over to hop up on the couch next to me. I rub him under the chin, or rather chins, one of his favorite things, and take a small treat from the bowl on the windowsill behind me.
“Who’s my good boy?” Dumpling barks. I give him the treat, which he wolfs down and then he snuggles against me, making a strange guttural noise. In the months he spent at PAWS before I adopted him, he got very close to some of the cats, who apparently made a big impression on him. When he is very happy, he makes a noise that almost sounds like choking, his way of trying to purr.
“Should we go visit Maria?” She has invited me over for brunch, says she has something she needs my help with, and she requested that I bring Dumpling with me to have a playdate with her two brindled French bulldogs, Abrazos y Besos—Hugs and Kisses. Maria’s signature sign-off at the end of her show. The three of them are BFF, and hilarious to watch when they visit. Just hearing Maria’s name makes Dumpling jump off the couch and spin in a circle. “Okay, okay, let’s go!”
Dumpling goes over to the door and pulls off the leash I keep hung over the knob. He does prefer to walk himself. I grab my bag and keys and we head out.
Maria greets us at the door and grabs me in her expansive embrace. “
Mi amorrrrrr!
I am so ’appy you arrrrrrre herrrrrre.”
Dumpling tears into the living room like a (fruit) bat out of hell, where Abrazos and Besos tackle him from two sides like a couple of tiny linebackers. The three of them tangle into a pile of loving play, until Maria comes in and says firmly,
“Perros. Silencio.”
The three dogs immediately stop what they are doing, and sit in a straight line, Dumpling flanked by Maria’s dogs, all three of them with their heads tilted to the left waiting for further instruction. It never ceases to be hilarious to see them together, Dumpling’s head way too small for his body, and Maria’s dogs with their heads way too big for theirs. They look like seconds from the dog-head factory.
“Gigi?” Maria calls, and in two seconds her personal assistant materializes in the entryway. “Can you please take these thrrrrrree
ninos
to the dog park for an hour so we can ’ave some peace?”
“Of course. Hello, Alana, how are you?” Gigi has been with Maria for more than a decade, a quiet girl from downstate who landed an internship at the show while still a student at Columbia College, and turned out to be the perfect replacement for Maria’s first assistant, who got engaged, married, and pregnant with twins in quick succession, leaving Maria for a life of diapers and bottles. Gigi is amazing, and truly keeps Maria on schedule and organized. She leans down and asks the dogs very seriously, “Should we go to the park?” The three of them hear the word
park
and go nuts. “Well, then, troops, let’s go!” and the four of them head for the door. I love Gigi.
“You arrrrre ’ongry,
sí
? Comer?” Maria reaches for my hand, and we head for the kitchen.
Laid out on the rustic farm table that sits to the side of Maria’s enormous kitchen island is a lovely
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