what?”
“ I don't know—a secret, or fear maybe? Maybe you're scared you won't live up to the man I've built you up to be in my head. You're afraid you'll let me down and lose me.”
Love settles against the pillows and considers this.
“ Tonight was amazing. You're amazing. No one means half as much to me as you do. You know that. So, what I'm thinking is you're scared of something else.”
Love gulps and glances across the room. The night was amazing. Sure, the inevitable occurred sooner than he wanted. Yet, Cade found pleasure knowing it was him dishing out the pleasure. It was intimate and everything he's ached after for years.
“ There's nothing.”
Cade props himself onto his elbow and leans his forehead close. His fingers trace circles above his belly button and tug at the dark tufts of hair just below. “Please just say it.”
Love fidgets with discomfort and wishes he could somehow go back in time and not tell him about the dream.
I should have told him I couldn't remember. That's what anyone else would have done.
“ We're best friends, Love. Before anything else, we are friends. We tell each other everything.”
“ What, like you told me your feelings without hiding them for years?”
“ That's different.”
“ How?”
Love rolls onto his side with the truth burning on his tongue. Yet, as soon as those plump lips graze his, he swallows it.
What's the point in telling him when he will just tell me to go back on the meds?
“ I guess I felt rusty. What we did—”
“ First in a long time, I know. It didn't feel like you've been out the game at all though.”
“ I thought . . . Well, I wanted it to be great for you.”
Cade chuckles and presses into his lips. When he parts from the lazy kiss, he wraps a hand around his waist. “You're the best and the only one I need. You make me feel things no one else can. If that was you being rusty, then I don't know how you can better mind-blowing. But I'm excited to find out.”
Love cups his lover's chin and pulls him back for another kiss. “I don't want to lose you.”
“ You won't. I can't live without you. You saved me before and I know you will if I need you to again.”
Love closes his eyes and presses his forehead against his. “I promised I would meet you and I was late.”
When Cade pulls away, Love can feel his eyes piercing through the darkness. “So that's what's worrying you? You called the ambulance and they got me there in time to save me. Everything is fine.”
“ If I was there when I said I would be, then I could have stopped him. It shouldn't have happened. I still see you lying on the floor with blood everywhere. I knew then you'd never hear me tell you how much you mean to me.”
Cade grasps his hands and squeezes. “I remember waking up to see your worried face. But I woke, that's the main thing. I'm here now and I know what I mean to you, even if it's late.”
When he leans in to steal Cade's lips again, he cannot let them go. The gentle affection and tiredness soon gives way to enough passion to leave him breathless, but wanting more at the same time. And within the otherwise silence of the early hours, moans fill those four walls and capture the hours with all the love either could need.
Fourteen
They spen dt he months leading up to December together as usual. Every spare moment they find, they share in one another's arms, be that in bed in passionate trysts, or on the sofa watching anything from wrestling to films they have no interest in. They venture out for walks to the park, or go shopping in town. After all the years they've missed, their only aim is to make up for time. The days, however, go too fast within their enjoyment.
Christmas is days away, but the weather is not cooperating with the festive period. The sun, although radiating no warmth, is out and proud. And each day, Cade wakes up asking where the thick, white clouds are.
“ I'm giving up,” he huffs. He drops
“ I don't know—a secret, or fear maybe? Maybe you're scared you won't live up to the man I've built you up to be in my head. You're afraid you'll let me down and lose me.”
Love settles against the pillows and considers this.
“ Tonight was amazing. You're amazing. No one means half as much to me as you do. You know that. So, what I'm thinking is you're scared of something else.”
Love gulps and glances across the room. The night was amazing. Sure, the inevitable occurred sooner than he wanted. Yet, Cade found pleasure knowing it was him dishing out the pleasure. It was intimate and everything he's ached after for years.
“ There's nothing.”
Cade props himself onto his elbow and leans his forehead close. His fingers trace circles above his belly button and tug at the dark tufts of hair just below. “Please just say it.”
Love fidgets with discomfort and wishes he could somehow go back in time and not tell him about the dream.
I should have told him I couldn't remember. That's what anyone else would have done.
“ We're best friends, Love. Before anything else, we are friends. We tell each other everything.”
“ What, like you told me your feelings without hiding them for years?”
“ That's different.”
“ How?”
Love rolls onto his side with the truth burning on his tongue. Yet, as soon as those plump lips graze his, he swallows it.
What's the point in telling him when he will just tell me to go back on the meds?
“ I guess I felt rusty. What we did—”
“ First in a long time, I know. It didn't feel like you've been out the game at all though.”
“ I thought . . . Well, I wanted it to be great for you.”
Cade chuckles and presses into his lips. When he parts from the lazy kiss, he wraps a hand around his waist. “You're the best and the only one I need. You make me feel things no one else can. If that was you being rusty, then I don't know how you can better mind-blowing. But I'm excited to find out.”
Love cups his lover's chin and pulls him back for another kiss. “I don't want to lose you.”
“ You won't. I can't live without you. You saved me before and I know you will if I need you to again.”
Love closes his eyes and presses his forehead against his. “I promised I would meet you and I was late.”
When Cade pulls away, Love can feel his eyes piercing through the darkness. “So that's what's worrying you? You called the ambulance and they got me there in time to save me. Everything is fine.”
“ If I was there when I said I would be, then I could have stopped him. It shouldn't have happened. I still see you lying on the floor with blood everywhere. I knew then you'd never hear me tell you how much you mean to me.”
Cade grasps his hands and squeezes. “I remember waking up to see your worried face. But I woke, that's the main thing. I'm here now and I know what I mean to you, even if it's late.”
When he leans in to steal Cade's lips again, he cannot let them go. The gentle affection and tiredness soon gives way to enough passion to leave him breathless, but wanting more at the same time. And within the otherwise silence of the early hours, moans fill those four walls and capture the hours with all the love either could need.
Fourteen
They spen dt he months leading up to December together as usual. Every spare moment they find, they share in one another's arms, be that in bed in passionate trysts, or on the sofa watching anything from wrestling to films they have no interest in. They venture out for walks to the park, or go shopping in town. After all the years they've missed, their only aim is to make up for time. The days, however, go too fast within their enjoyment.
Christmas is days away, but the weather is not cooperating with the festive period. The sun, although radiating no warmth, is out and proud. And each day, Cade wakes up asking where the thick, white clouds are.
“ I'm giving up,” he huffs. He drops
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