mother! How could she have wasted her life like that – on someone like that!’
‘Oh come on now,’ Paula said. ‘You’re making judgements on two people you don’t even know.’
‘She was my mother!’
‘Yes. But she was also once a young girl. A young bride. You didn’t know that person. You didn’t know what it was like to be her. How much she had to suffer at the hands of his mother.’
‘But why did she live this lie? Why didn’t she ever tell me the truth?’
‘Probably because she didn’t want to hurt you.’
‘But I had a right to know my father. He had a right to know me. She denied us that.’
‘How do you know? Maybe she did tell him. Maybe he didn’t want to know.’ Paula groaned inwardly at her insensitivity. ‘She’s not denying you now though is she? She wanted you to know about him, otherwise she’d never have asked Ted …’
‘But what about all the years I was growing up? Even if he didn’t want me, she still should have told me.’
‘Corrie, what would you have done in her shoes? I mean what if she had told your father and he hadn’t wanted to know? Knowing you you’d have wanted to meet him anyway, and I can’t imagine for one minute that Edwina would have wanted you to face that rejection. Or worse. What if he had wanted you? She could never have stood up to a powerful family like that alone. She’d have lost you and you were all she had.’
‘I’d never have left her!’ Corrie cried, kicking the fire guard. ‘She must have known that. Oh why isn’t she here, damn it?’
Paula sat quietly for a minute or two feeling, because she loved her, some of the pain that showed in Corrie’s stricken face. ‘I know this might not be what you want to hear right now,’ she said finally, ‘but I don’t think your father can be all bad. I mean, Edwina would never have loved him as deeply as she did, for as long as she did, if he were.’
‘I want to hate him, thank you very much,’ Corrie snapped. She looked at her watch. ‘I expect Beth will be wanting her feed, won’t she?’
With a sigh of resignation Paula stood up. ‘Won’t you come over and have some dinner with us?’
‘No. No thank you, ’ Corrie said tersely.
‘So you’re going to sit here on your own and fester over all this?’
‘Yes.’
Paula looked at her sadly, but knew there was no point in trying to coax her out of it. ‘Well, you know where I am,’ she said, as they walked out into the hall, ‘you only have to pick up the phone. I’ll always be there for you, you know that.’
‘No, I don’t know it. I don’t know who I can trust anymore. I mean if my own mother can let me down like this …’ Her voice broke, but catching herself in time, she pulled open the front door, ‘Yes, I know you’ll always be there for me. Thanks.’
Corrie stood at the door watching Paula walk away. She was numb, devoid of all feeling. But then, as those familiar, precious blonde curls started to bob about in the wind she suddenly wanted to call Paula back. She opened her mouth, but no sound came.
She closed the door and sank down onto the bottom stair burying her head in her hands. All around her the house was silent, so agonizingly still and silent. She sat there for a long time, holding herself tense, hardly daring to breathe, suffocating in the engulfing emptiness. Everything inside her was welling so wildly, so uncontrollably that she didn’t dare to move. She must hold on, mustn’t let go. To do that would be to admit, finally to surrender … But it was all right, everything was all right … She could bear this, her anger would hold her together. Slowly she lifted her head. A familiar colour seemed to twitch in the corner of her eye. She turned and saw the sleeve of her mother’s coat, hanging beneath her own on the end of the bannister. Unthinkingly, she reached out to touch it, then edging closer she rested her face against it. She could smell her mother; it was as though Edwina were
‘Oh come on now,’ Paula said. ‘You’re making judgements on two people you don’t even know.’
‘She was my mother!’
‘Yes. But she was also once a young girl. A young bride. You didn’t know that person. You didn’t know what it was like to be her. How much she had to suffer at the hands of his mother.’
‘But why did she live this lie? Why didn’t she ever tell me the truth?’
‘Probably because she didn’t want to hurt you.’
‘But I had a right to know my father. He had a right to know me. She denied us that.’
‘How do you know? Maybe she did tell him. Maybe he didn’t want to know.’ Paula groaned inwardly at her insensitivity. ‘She’s not denying you now though is she? She wanted you to know about him, otherwise she’d never have asked Ted …’
‘But what about all the years I was growing up? Even if he didn’t want me, she still should have told me.’
‘Corrie, what would you have done in her shoes? I mean what if she had told your father and he hadn’t wanted to know? Knowing you you’d have wanted to meet him anyway, and I can’t imagine for one minute that Edwina would have wanted you to face that rejection. Or worse. What if he had wanted you? She could never have stood up to a powerful family like that alone. She’d have lost you and you were all she had.’
‘I’d never have left her!’ Corrie cried, kicking the fire guard. ‘She must have known that. Oh why isn’t she here, damn it?’
Paula sat quietly for a minute or two feeling, because she loved her, some of the pain that showed in Corrie’s stricken face. ‘I know this might not be what you want to hear right now,’ she said finally, ‘but I don’t think your father can be all bad. I mean, Edwina would never have loved him as deeply as she did, for as long as she did, if he were.’
‘I want to hate him, thank you very much,’ Corrie snapped. She looked at her watch. ‘I expect Beth will be wanting her feed, won’t she?’
With a sigh of resignation Paula stood up. ‘Won’t you come over and have some dinner with us?’
‘No. No thank you, ’ Corrie said tersely.
‘So you’re going to sit here on your own and fester over all this?’
‘Yes.’
Paula looked at her sadly, but knew there was no point in trying to coax her out of it. ‘Well, you know where I am,’ she said, as they walked out into the hall, ‘you only have to pick up the phone. I’ll always be there for you, you know that.’
‘No, I don’t know it. I don’t know who I can trust anymore. I mean if my own mother can let me down like this …’ Her voice broke, but catching herself in time, she pulled open the front door, ‘Yes, I know you’ll always be there for me. Thanks.’
Corrie stood at the door watching Paula walk away. She was numb, devoid of all feeling. But then, as those familiar, precious blonde curls started to bob about in the wind she suddenly wanted to call Paula back. She opened her mouth, but no sound came.
She closed the door and sank down onto the bottom stair burying her head in her hands. All around her the house was silent, so agonizingly still and silent. She sat there for a long time, holding herself tense, hardly daring to breathe, suffocating in the engulfing emptiness. Everything inside her was welling so wildly, so uncontrollably that she didn’t dare to move. She must hold on, mustn’t let go. To do that would be to admit, finally to surrender … But it was all right, everything was all right … She could bear this, her anger would hold her together. Slowly she lifted her head. A familiar colour seemed to twitch in the corner of her eye. She turned and saw the sleeve of her mother’s coat, hanging beneath her own on the end of the bannister. Unthinkingly, she reached out to touch it, then edging closer she rested her face against it. She could smell her mother; it was as though Edwina were
Similar Books
