Read Online Nympho by Andrea Blackstone - Free Book Online Page B

was saying to her son. When I turned around and addressed her rude intrusion, she said something outlandish that made me feel as if I were on the second round of a job interview. I was amazed that she was serious, but when her shriveled up mother sat alongside of her like the member of a panel, I knew she wasn’t bluffing.
    â€œOkay, Leslie, you will be read a series of questions. Since you will soon be a part of our lovely family, we’d like to get to know the real you . The only way we can do so is if we have a heart-to-heart talk and ask you everything that we’ve collectively discussed in a family meeting, and would like to know. I would greatly appreciate your cooperation. Now please pay attention and keep up. Do you owe any money for student loans? Is that your hair? Are you still employed as a teacher? Are you a faithful servant of the Lord? Have you ever smoked, puffed, or inhaled a marijuana cigarette, blunt, or any variation thereof? Are you a virgin? Can you cook, bake, and sew?”
    While Trey’s mother paused awaiting my thoughtful replies, his nutty grandmother added something way over the top. “Would you submit to a polygraph exam? I see them things used on lawyer shows on TV—maybe that would be more accurate.”
    â€œMa—Grandma—easy on my wife-to-be. Stop it. You’re insulting her,” Trey said. “This is ridiculous,” he added.
    â€œSomething is wrong with someone who says they have no family. You ought to do a background check. She knows everything about your people, but what do you know about hers? We’ve met not one of her folks—that’s what’s ridiculous!” his mother added.
    â€œNo disrespect intended, but I’m a grown man with my own home,” Trey shot back. “I think I can pick a wife, and you must respect my choice. Please don’t do this. You can’t protect a forty plus year old man from life—it’s just not your place to try and control who I fall in love with.”
    â€œI pushed you out and your grandmother did the same for me. I own you ’til death because I brought you into this world. If I need to, I can take you right on out. You’re not equally yoked. This woman isn’t a true woman of God—I know these things. Don’t be stupid. I have a right to express myself, and its no secret that I don’t like this little fast, hot in the tail girl you picked out. Her drawers aren’t golden. What is it you see in her that’s got your nose wide open like a hypnotized fool? If you marry her instead of a nice church girl, your life won’t end happily ever after,” Mabel said, ignoring my presence.
    She had definitely said too much in my face, and I wasn’t going to hold Innocence back much longer.
    â€œI’m not a child. Stop it, Momma.”
    I put my hand up and interjected. “No, it’s fine. I’ll answer. Look you two—you’re messing with the wrong girl. I’ve tried to be respectful, but you’ve pushed me beyond my limit. My social security number is 212 . . .” I said, rambling off the numbers. “As you know, I’m a teacher. I earn $40,000 a year, before taxes, that is. I’m not a virgin. By no means am I rich, but I can more than cover the mortgage and light bill. The next matter I’d like to address is that I do like dick, and I’m not going to apologize for my appreciation of God’s precious art, otherwise known as the penis. To you, it may seem that I’m all worn out and used up for admitting that I’m not a prude, but rest assured, you can still put Leslie in a room of high-classed people or church folk. Furthermore, I attended church today, although I may miss a Sunday here and there.
    â€œI do owe a few more payments on my student loan but Uncle Sam is well aware of my payment schedule. He and I get along well and are on speaking terms. I know what you may be