Read Online No Such Thing as Perfect by Sarah Daltry - Free Book Online Page B

exactly, but you need me and it’s a little annoying.”
    “Oh.”
    I don’t know what to say, because I should have seen this coming, I suppose. Instead of saying anything, though, I stare out my own window. The closest factory’s windows have all been shattered and plants hopelessly try to grow through the damage. It’s more depressing than if there was nothing there but ruin. Watching the life try to continue after everyone else has moved on just makes me think it’s all futile. When we outlive our purpose, we should disappear. No one needs a reminder that they’ve failed.
    “It’s not a break up. Not really. We can still see each other when you want and I’ll come up the weekend after your birthday so we can do something. I still care about you,” he says, but the words feel rehearsed.
    “The weekend after my birthday?”
    “I have a match the weekend of and we’re going to stay in a hotel for that weekend, so I’d rather spend the whole weekend with you the week after. Maybe we can go somewhere romantic,” he says and methodically rests a hand on my knee. It’s still uncovered, because I haven’t found my pants yet. Why does it always seem like the moments when you’re most vulnerable are the ones when you are missing something as obvious as pants?
    “You just had sex with me,” I whisper, but even at this volume, the comment feels too loud.
    “Oh, Jesus, Lily. Really? Don’t act like you’re somehow pure and innocent. So we had sex. It was good. But we were never getting married. You can have sex with someone and still need a break.”
    “No, Derek, I can’t. I can’t do that, because I’ve never done that. I’ve never been with anyone else,” I remind him.
    “I don’t have time for this shit,” he says, sighing. “Things are crazy right now. I haven’t seen you in a while and I have exams coming up and I can’t spend all my energy on whatever issues you’re making up in your head.” He stops speaking, and it’s painful. There’s something he isn’t saying, and I don’t know if I want to hear it.
    “What happened?” I ask, preparing myself for the worst.
    “Nothing happened. Why is it always about you? I just have papers and exams coming up and things have gotten away from me. I’m so worried I’m gonna fail all my classes. I’ve been screwing around so much with sports and-”
    “You’re failing school?” It comes out judgmental, which I don’t mean to happen, but it kind of annoys me. Derek’s always been a mediocre student. He only passed his first year of college with my help, and now he’s letting school slip and he’s making that my problem. He’s leaving me with nothing because he can’t do it himself.
    “I’m starting to wonder what I ever saw in you,” he snaps. “For someone who has no clue and who needs me to pick up all her pieces, you certainly act like a bitch.”
    “Yeah, I wonder, too,” I say. We have nothing in common. What kind of person chooses rugby over school? It’s not even a real sport.
    He reaches behind me and finds my pants tossed by the rear car window. I don’t say a word and finagle myself into them and then go sit in the passenger seat. I just want to go home.
    When Derek gets into the driver side, he pauses and looks at me and I want to remember. I want to see the boy I thought I loved, but in his eyes, there’s nothing but this guy. I wonder if he was ever anything but this guy and I feel sick. He leans down to kiss me and I turn my head, trying not cry.
    “Whatever, Lily. What the hell do you know, anyway?”
    “Nothing. I think it’s really, really clear that I know absolutely nothing,” I say and we drive back to my house in silence. Everything that I left behind is floating off into the past like uncontrollable wisps of memory and I’m reaching out with nothing to hold onto. I guess this is the whole point of college and growing up and life in general, but I hate it. I hate that everyone always has the answers