desired.
âJess?â
âYeah?â
âListen, you do your thing and Iâll do my thing and weâll leave it at that. Personally, with your body and those eyes, I donât care if you live in a fucking cardboard box in Union Square. Iâd still do you.â
âYou would, wouldnât you?â
âHey, four walls are four walls. Cement, wood, cardboard, whatever you got to give us some privacy, babe.â
I laughed and was relieved. Vanessa was back to herself, back to the woman that had intrigued me with photos and incense and raw beauty. I forced myself to abandon my thoughts. The evening started to feel comfortable again. I was walking without a destination with a stranger whom I somehow adored. It seemed as if everything was in place and full of a promise I had never even tasted let alone believed was possible.
It wasnât that I wasnât a believer; it was just that I had never known exactly what to believe in. I never doubted that anything was possible or impossible. Yet that faith that people seemed to have in the Universe was lost to me. Anjali had immense faith in the Universe and its doings. But then she had immense faith in me as well and here I was. But wasnât she with Ish? Hadnât she neglected to call me? Despite it all, I knew I was wrong, reaching and grasping for explanations that were so frail that I couldnât hold them within me without them breaking. Anjaliâ¦
âI donât want to do you,â I blurted out. âI have someone waiting for me at home. And I love her. But Iâm here because I feel safe with you. I canât wait to see you. I somehow like being with you.â
Vanessa stopped walking. I felt like an idiot and my face felt hot. She placed a hand in my hair and moved it slowly. She smiled at me.
âYou donât even know me,â she said. âYou know nothing about me.â
âButâ¦itâs true.â
I wanted her to tell me the same. She did not. She kissed my forehead and my temple and my cheek.
âYouâre sweet, Jess.â
I didnât respond. She took my hand and we kept walking. I tried not to think of what I had said and her lack of an answer. We stopped in front of a karaoke lounge. Vanessa faced me and was silent.
âI donât do karaoke,â I lied.
âYou donât do karaoke,â she said as she pushed a stray strand of hair behind my ear for me.
âThere is more to life than doing women.â
âItâs not that. I justâ¦â
âHalf an hour. And if youâre bored out of your mind, then weâll go back to my place. Howâs that?â
âNo.â
âWe could stand out here all day,â she said. âBut Iâm not going anywhere else.â
âBut why?â I asked.
âWhy not? I just feel like itâs a karaoke kind of night.â
We stood in silence. I looked at her and she looked back, unfazed.
I sighed.
âOkay,â I said, you win.â
She smiled.
âI knew I would.â
âHow so?â
âBecause of all that you have, you lack conviction.â
âThatâs quite an accusation,â I said.
âBut itâs true. Shall we?â
I took her hand and we entered through a small entrance that opened to a bar on one side and a few low square tables with shabby couches throughout the room. In one corner, some too tall blonde was singing her rendition of âBitchâ by Meredith Brooks. I walked to the last table there was and took a seat in a chair that was farthest from the karaoke set up. Vanessa came and instead of sitting in the chair next to mine, sat in my lap. Then she slid off my thighs and made a space for her body between the arm of the chair and me. Her hair smelled like fresh peaches. I felt her leg against mine and wished we were in her apartment undressing instead of here, in a dark bar listening to bad voices.
âWhat do you want to
Leslie Charteris
John Brunner
Olivia Boler
Jessica Caryn
Susanna Fraser
William G. Tapply
Tina Martin
Pamela Ann
Robin Spano
Bernard Malamud