Read Online Nashville 3 - What We Feel by Inglath Cooper - Free Book Online Page B
Authors: Inglath Cooper
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it all is, I swear, sometimes I wanted to change places with them just so their hopes weren’t for nothing.”
Tears fill my eyes. I bite my lower lip before saying, “I’m sorry.”
“I saw things that made me realize what I take for granted in my life. Little kids who’d lost all their hair, who couldn’t eat. And their parents, trying to act if everything would be all right.”
He stops there, and I can feel his grief like a wall that is crumbling inside him. I tighten my arms around his waist and hold onto him as if I am the only thing that will keep him from collapsing under its weight.
I’m not sure how much time passes with the two of us standing here, holding each other. I wish that we never had to move, that we could stay like this forever.
But I know we can’t; there are people in our lives who have not asked to be hurt by us. I ease away from him, looking up into his eyes. “Sarah. She’s going to be okay?”
“I think so,” Holden says. “The doctors have said she’s clear, and she works at the nutrition end of it. Really at doing anything she can to stay healthy.”
“I’m glad,” I say, and with this picture of her, I step back, loosen my hold on him. “Will she… is she planning to move here?”
He doesn’t say anything for a few moments and I start to wonder if I’ve asked more than I should have.
“No,” he says then. “Sarah and I, we’re not going to be together.”
The admission takes me by such surprise that I am sure I must have misheard him. “Oh. I thought…what?”
“We’re not.”
“But why?”
He looks away and then back at me. “Maybe she saw us through new eyes and didn’t like what was there.”
I don’t know what to say so I don’t say anything.
“There was something else,” he adds. “She met someone who might have made her realize what she did want.”
“Holden. I…I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. I’m pretty sure she’s going to be happy. That’s what matters.”
I take in the words with a feeling of disbelief. And all of a sudden, I feel the dissolving of a barrier between us. With it comes an awkwardness I have no idea what to do with. “I don’t know what to say, Holden.”
“You don’t have to say anything, CeCe. You’ve moved on. I get it. I understand. And I’m not here to mess up things with you and Beck.”
I know I should feel relieved. Because he’s right. I have moved on. It took a long time but I’ve moved on. And now someone else’s heart is involved. Beck’s heart is involved. My heart is involved.
There’s no unraveling all of that. Even if I wanted to.
“I’m sorry, Holden. For everything you’ve been through. For-”
He places a fingertip against my lips and says, “Shh. It’s okay. We’ll be okay. All of us.”
And I want to believe him. I really do. I’m just not sure how to start.
FOR THE NEXT three weeks, we practice as hard as I’ve ever imagined working. Thomas and I give notice at our jobs and, thankfully, neither place insists that we work it out. When Thomas asks me if I’m okay with Holden moving back in, I have no good reason to say no. He drives to Atlanta two days after our talk in the kitchen and arrives back in a rental car twenty-four hours later with Patsy in the front seat next to him.
Hank Junior is so happy to see her I don’t think he quits wagging his tail for a week. He follows her everywhere, as if he’s afraid if he lets her out of his sight, she’ll disappear again.
We rehearse twelve to fourteen hours a day, polishing our performance until we’re nailing every song, word for word, note for note.
And for those three weeks, Holden is right about everything being okay. No one has time to think about anything other than eating, sleeping, and getting ready for the tour. When we get home every night, I fall in bed and sleep like Rip Van Winkle.
My biggest worry is what to do with Hank Junior when we’re gone. Since Holden has the same concern about Patsy, he,
Tears fill my eyes. I bite my lower lip before saying, “I’m sorry.”
“I saw things that made me realize what I take for granted in my life. Little kids who’d lost all their hair, who couldn’t eat. And their parents, trying to act if everything would be all right.”
He stops there, and I can feel his grief like a wall that is crumbling inside him. I tighten my arms around his waist and hold onto him as if I am the only thing that will keep him from collapsing under its weight.
I’m not sure how much time passes with the two of us standing here, holding each other. I wish that we never had to move, that we could stay like this forever.
But I know we can’t; there are people in our lives who have not asked to be hurt by us. I ease away from him, looking up into his eyes. “Sarah. She’s going to be okay?”
“I think so,” Holden says. “The doctors have said she’s clear, and she works at the nutrition end of it. Really at doing anything she can to stay healthy.”
“I’m glad,” I say, and with this picture of her, I step back, loosen my hold on him. “Will she… is she planning to move here?”
He doesn’t say anything for a few moments and I start to wonder if I’ve asked more than I should have.
“No,” he says then. “Sarah and I, we’re not going to be together.”
The admission takes me by such surprise that I am sure I must have misheard him. “Oh. I thought…what?”
“We’re not.”
“But why?”
He looks away and then back at me. “Maybe she saw us through new eyes and didn’t like what was there.”
I don’t know what to say so I don’t say anything.
“There was something else,” he adds. “She met someone who might have made her realize what she did want.”
“Holden. I…I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. I’m pretty sure she’s going to be happy. That’s what matters.”
I take in the words with a feeling of disbelief. And all of a sudden, I feel the dissolving of a barrier between us. With it comes an awkwardness I have no idea what to do with. “I don’t know what to say, Holden.”
“You don’t have to say anything, CeCe. You’ve moved on. I get it. I understand. And I’m not here to mess up things with you and Beck.”
I know I should feel relieved. Because he’s right. I have moved on. It took a long time but I’ve moved on. And now someone else’s heart is involved. Beck’s heart is involved. My heart is involved.
There’s no unraveling all of that. Even if I wanted to.
“I’m sorry, Holden. For everything you’ve been through. For-”
He places a fingertip against my lips and says, “Shh. It’s okay. We’ll be okay. All of us.”
And I want to believe him. I really do. I’m just not sure how to start.
FOR THE NEXT three weeks, we practice as hard as I’ve ever imagined working. Thomas and I give notice at our jobs and, thankfully, neither place insists that we work it out. When Thomas asks me if I’m okay with Holden moving back in, I have no good reason to say no. He drives to Atlanta two days after our talk in the kitchen and arrives back in a rental car twenty-four hours later with Patsy in the front seat next to him.
Hank Junior is so happy to see her I don’t think he quits wagging his tail for a week. He follows her everywhere, as if he’s afraid if he lets her out of his sight, she’ll disappear again.
We rehearse twelve to fourteen hours a day, polishing our performance until we’re nailing every song, word for word, note for note.
And for those three weeks, Holden is right about everything being okay. No one has time to think about anything other than eating, sleeping, and getting ready for the tour. When we get home every night, I fall in bed and sleep like Rip Van Winkle.
My biggest worry is what to do with Hank Junior when we’re gone. Since Holden has the same concern about Patsy, he,
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