just screwing with my brain. We didnât have that kind of moment. I mean, maybe
I
did, but she was way too busy hating my guts to be having that kind of moment.
Why am I even bothering to try and figure her out now, anyway? Heather just ditched me. She justbrought up a shitload of memories that Iâd much rather forget.
So maybe thatâs it. Maybe itâs just because I donât want to think about Heather at all.
chaos
That merciless feeling was growing inside her againâthe same feeling sheâd had the night before, the impulse to use more force than necessary.
I REMEMBER ALL YOUR SPEECHES
That Prefight Fizz
But I forgot all the words
Stuck to each other like hostless leeches
Donât you think our life was a bit absurd. . . .
CBGB was by far the best place to hear Fearless play: sweaty, dark, hot, and deafeningly loud. Every beat of the bass drum was a kick into Gaiaâs rib age. This was exactly what she needed: Fearless pounding out brilliant songs to a massive crowd of freaks in a wild frenzy.
Brendan disappeared into the mob of dancers, but Paul and Gaia stuck together, stomping incessantly, feeding off every aggressive shoulder bump from the skate rats and twirling alterna-chicks. Why couldnât her daily life be more like this? Chaos without consequences. People who understood what was going on in her brain, as the lead singer and song-writer of Fearless always seemed to. And most important, no talking required. Paul and Gaia couldnât have heard each other if they tried. She signaled that she needed a bathroom break, and he made the universal sign for getting them something to drink by lifting an imaginary glass to his lips.
It took Gaia a moment to find her bearings, but shemanaged to shove her way back from the stage and into the dark corridor that led to the bathrooms. She drew in a deep breath and caught the understanding smile of the last guy in the bathroom lineâa smile that seemed to say, âTough to breathe out there, isnât it?â
Her eyes narrowed.
That smile. In the shadowy red light it looked kind of familiar....
Oh, shit.
The smile belonged to Mick Butler: an asshole skinhead who used to hang around the park. Gaia hadnât seen him in months and hoped never to see him again. But no matter where she went, it seemed she was destined to run into the Village riffraff.
Mick lurched forward, revealing a friend in the shadows behind him. It was a fellow primate: a mountain of pale flab covered with pierces and tattoos.
âHot damn, is that Gaia?â Mick shouted. He breathed the repellent stench of discount cigarettes and Jagermeister in her face. She did her best not to throw up in his. âWhere the hell have
you
been?â
Gaia smiled humorlessly. âAvoiding you, Mick. Avoiding you.â
âOoh, same attitude.â Mick laughed, putting out his cigarette on the floor and stepping closer. âBut you look better. I could even say you look
hot.
You know what? Iâd be totally willing to do you tonight. Is Mary here, too? My buddy could do her.â
A vivid image suddenly flashed through Gaiaâs mind: that of her snapping Mickâs neck and leaving him dead in a contorted heap on the floor. But she was trying not to go there tonight, to that dark place where she looked for combat. She was committed to having some nonviolent fun with the Moss brothers. This was family time. So she simply decided sheâd wait to go to the bathroom. It wasnât an emergency. She could hold on for another few minutes. So she turned and pushed her way back into the crowd. Paul appeared seconds later from the bar area, holding two plastic cups.
âHere ya go,â he said, thrusting one toward Gaia. âIce-cold water. I figured that would be better thanââ He broke off suddenly, his smile vanishing. His eyes locked on a spot just above Gaiaâs shoulder.
She whirled around. Mick and the primate were right
I
did, but she was way too busy hating my guts to be having that kind of moment.
Why am I even bothering to try and figure her out now, anyway? Heather just ditched me. She justbrought up a shitload of memories that Iâd much rather forget.
So maybe thatâs it. Maybe itâs just because I donât want to think about Heather at all.
chaos
That merciless feeling was growing inside her againâthe same feeling sheâd had the night before, the impulse to use more force than necessary.
I REMEMBER ALL YOUR SPEECHES
That Prefight Fizz
But I forgot all the words
Stuck to each other like hostless leeches
Donât you think our life was a bit absurd. . . .
CBGB was by far the best place to hear Fearless play: sweaty, dark, hot, and deafeningly loud. Every beat of the bass drum was a kick into Gaiaâs rib age. This was exactly what she needed: Fearless pounding out brilliant songs to a massive crowd of freaks in a wild frenzy.
Brendan disappeared into the mob of dancers, but Paul and Gaia stuck together, stomping incessantly, feeding off every aggressive shoulder bump from the skate rats and twirling alterna-chicks. Why couldnât her daily life be more like this? Chaos without consequences. People who understood what was going on in her brain, as the lead singer and song-writer of Fearless always seemed to. And most important, no talking required. Paul and Gaia couldnât have heard each other if they tried. She signaled that she needed a bathroom break, and he made the universal sign for getting them something to drink by lifting an imaginary glass to his lips.
It took Gaia a moment to find her bearings, but shemanaged to shove her way back from the stage and into the dark corridor that led to the bathrooms. She drew in a deep breath and caught the understanding smile of the last guy in the bathroom lineâa smile that seemed to say, âTough to breathe out there, isnât it?â
Her eyes narrowed.
That smile. In the shadowy red light it looked kind of familiar....
Oh, shit.
The smile belonged to Mick Butler: an asshole skinhead who used to hang around the park. Gaia hadnât seen him in months and hoped never to see him again. But no matter where she went, it seemed she was destined to run into the Village riffraff.
Mick lurched forward, revealing a friend in the shadows behind him. It was a fellow primate: a mountain of pale flab covered with pierces and tattoos.
âHot damn, is that Gaia?â Mick shouted. He breathed the repellent stench of discount cigarettes and Jagermeister in her face. She did her best not to throw up in his. âWhere the hell have
you
been?â
Gaia smiled humorlessly. âAvoiding you, Mick. Avoiding you.â
âOoh, same attitude.â Mick laughed, putting out his cigarette on the floor and stepping closer. âBut you look better. I could even say you look
hot.
You know what? Iâd be totally willing to do you tonight. Is Mary here, too? My buddy could do her.â
A vivid image suddenly flashed through Gaiaâs mind: that of her snapping Mickâs neck and leaving him dead in a contorted heap on the floor. But she was trying not to go there tonight, to that dark place where she looked for combat. She was committed to having some nonviolent fun with the Moss brothers. This was family time. So she simply decided sheâd wait to go to the bathroom. It wasnât an emergency. She could hold on for another few minutes. So she turned and pushed her way back into the crowd. Paul appeared seconds later from the bar area, holding two plastic cups.
âHere ya go,â he said, thrusting one toward Gaia. âIce-cold water. I figured that would be better thanââ He broke off suddenly, his smile vanishing. His eyes locked on a spot just above Gaiaâs shoulder.
She whirled around. Mick and the primate were right
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