Read Online My Single Friend by Jane Costello - Free Book Online Page A
Authors: Jane Costello
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you’ve been cleaning for the last twenty years—’
‘Twenty-one.’
‘Whatever. It doesn’t mean you have to do it for ever. That you’re not capable of something else. There are other jobs out there and you should go for them.’
‘Lucy, I’m fine with my lot,’ she says unconvincingly. ‘All I meant was that you’ve done well for yourself, and that’s brilliant. But don’t ever stop trying your best. Don’t end up like me.’
‘There’s nothing wrong with you.’
‘If you ended up cleaning floors for a living I’d wring your neck, Lucy Tyler.’
‘Well, you can relax because it’s unlikely.’
‘Good.’
‘I don’t even clean the floor in my own house. Henry does it.’
She laughs and finally sits down at the table, taking a sip of her tea. ‘How is our Henry?’
‘Fine. I’m giving him a makeover.’
‘A what?’
‘A makeover.’
‘I hope you’re joking.’
‘No, I’m not,’ I say. ‘What makes you say that?’
‘You’re so bossy with him, Lucy. Leave him as he is. He’s happy that way.’
‘As a matter of fact, it was his idea.’
‘Oh yeah?’ She’s clearly not convinced.
‘ Really .’
She raises an eyebrow.
‘Sort of.’
‘Well, I like Henry as he is.’
‘So do I,’ I say truthfully. ‘Though he looks a hell of a lot better now he’s had his hair cut. And you should see him in his new clothes. He’s transformed.’
‘How transformed?’ My mum narrows her eyes.
‘Completely. At least, he will be when he’s got his new contact lenses. And Dom says he’s got a body like a stallion.’
‘ What? ’
‘I mean . . . something like that.’
She pauses for a second as an idea creeps into her head. ‘Does he look good enough for you to get together with him?’
‘Eh?’ I reply, horrified. ‘Mum, I’m never going to get together with Henry. Full stop.’
‘Why not? He’s a lovely bloke – better than some of the no-marks you’ve brought home.’
‘Thanks for the vote of confidence.’
She puts an arm around me and grins. ‘Oh, never mind, Lucy. If you’re a really lucky girl and play your cards right, maybe you’ll end up with someone as romantic as your father.’
Chapter 12
‘What time are they coming?’ Henry shouts from the hall.
‘In about fifteen minutes.’ I remove a bottle of wine from the fridge and pour a glass, before marking another nootrient on the Diet World chart. I know that, technically, my Nootrient Calculator gadget said each glass of wine had two points, but I’ve decided to let commonsense prevail and over-rule it. I mean, this is liquid . Liquid can’t possibly contain two points when you can get a Milky Way for that. It’s illogical.
‘Aren’t you ready yet?’ I shout back at him. ‘You don’t need to go to too much trouble with your appearance tonight. You’re only practising at being a love god.’
‘I know.’ He comes to the kitchen door. ‘You’re not letting me loose on members of the public yet. But it’d be nice to demonstrate that I’ve made some progress.’
‘That’s the spirit,’ I begin, spinning round to face him. ‘Oh.’
‘What’s the matter?’
‘What have you done with your hair?’
Instead of the ‘sexy-messy, just-showered, natural look’, Henry has styled his hair with what appears to be several litres of chip fat.
‘Anton said I was supposed to experiment. This stuff is quite the thing, apparently.’ He holds up a tub of wax.
I groan quietly.
‘That wasn’t the reaction I was hoping for,’ he says.
I grab him by the arm and pull him in the direction of his bedroom.
‘Do me a favour and get it right first time before you start experimenting. Give me that.’ I snatch the wax. ‘You’re only meant to use a blob the size of a five-pence piece.’
‘Oh, that explains it. I didn’t think such a little tub seemed good value.’
‘Oh God,’ I say, exasperated.
‘I’m definitely sensing you’re not bowled over by this look,
‘Twenty-one.’
‘Whatever. It doesn’t mean you have to do it for ever. That you’re not capable of something else. There are other jobs out there and you should go for them.’
‘Lucy, I’m fine with my lot,’ she says unconvincingly. ‘All I meant was that you’ve done well for yourself, and that’s brilliant. But don’t ever stop trying your best. Don’t end up like me.’
‘There’s nothing wrong with you.’
‘If you ended up cleaning floors for a living I’d wring your neck, Lucy Tyler.’
‘Well, you can relax because it’s unlikely.’
‘Good.’
‘I don’t even clean the floor in my own house. Henry does it.’
She laughs and finally sits down at the table, taking a sip of her tea. ‘How is our Henry?’
‘Fine. I’m giving him a makeover.’
‘A what?’
‘A makeover.’
‘I hope you’re joking.’
‘No, I’m not,’ I say. ‘What makes you say that?’
‘You’re so bossy with him, Lucy. Leave him as he is. He’s happy that way.’
‘As a matter of fact, it was his idea.’
‘Oh yeah?’ She’s clearly not convinced.
‘ Really .’
She raises an eyebrow.
‘Sort of.’
‘Well, I like Henry as he is.’
‘So do I,’ I say truthfully. ‘Though he looks a hell of a lot better now he’s had his hair cut. And you should see him in his new clothes. He’s transformed.’
‘How transformed?’ My mum narrows her eyes.
‘Completely. At least, he will be when he’s got his new contact lenses. And Dom says he’s got a body like a stallion.’
‘ What? ’
‘I mean . . . something like that.’
She pauses for a second as an idea creeps into her head. ‘Does he look good enough for you to get together with him?’
‘Eh?’ I reply, horrified. ‘Mum, I’m never going to get together with Henry. Full stop.’
‘Why not? He’s a lovely bloke – better than some of the no-marks you’ve brought home.’
‘Thanks for the vote of confidence.’
She puts an arm around me and grins. ‘Oh, never mind, Lucy. If you’re a really lucky girl and play your cards right, maybe you’ll end up with someone as romantic as your father.’
Chapter 12
‘What time are they coming?’ Henry shouts from the hall.
‘In about fifteen minutes.’ I remove a bottle of wine from the fridge and pour a glass, before marking another nootrient on the Diet World chart. I know that, technically, my Nootrient Calculator gadget said each glass of wine had two points, but I’ve decided to let commonsense prevail and over-rule it. I mean, this is liquid . Liquid can’t possibly contain two points when you can get a Milky Way for that. It’s illogical.
‘Aren’t you ready yet?’ I shout back at him. ‘You don’t need to go to too much trouble with your appearance tonight. You’re only practising at being a love god.’
‘I know.’ He comes to the kitchen door. ‘You’re not letting me loose on members of the public yet. But it’d be nice to demonstrate that I’ve made some progress.’
‘That’s the spirit,’ I begin, spinning round to face him. ‘Oh.’
‘What’s the matter?’
‘What have you done with your hair?’
Instead of the ‘sexy-messy, just-showered, natural look’, Henry has styled his hair with what appears to be several litres of chip fat.
‘Anton said I was supposed to experiment. This stuff is quite the thing, apparently.’ He holds up a tub of wax.
I groan quietly.
‘That wasn’t the reaction I was hoping for,’ he says.
I grab him by the arm and pull him in the direction of his bedroom.
‘Do me a favour and get it right first time before you start experimenting. Give me that.’ I snatch the wax. ‘You’re only meant to use a blob the size of a five-pence piece.’
‘Oh, that explains it. I didn’t think such a little tub seemed good value.’
‘Oh God,’ I say, exasperated.
‘I’m definitely sensing you’re not bowled over by this look,
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