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Authors: Cierra Rantoul
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he asked me at one point what I was doing, I told him we really needed to get the post-nuptial done and so I was listing what he would get if we ever divorced just like he wanted. He didn’t ask me anything again the rest of the day.
The writing seminar was to have started at 10 a.m. on Saturday, and the drive to Lake City was almost two hours away, so Marc and Ryan left the house around 8 a.m. Saturday morning. I called him at 10:30 a.m. to find out if he was on his way home yet, and after a confused answer that no, he said they were still talking, and he asked why I wasn’t in my writing seminar. When I told him I had cancelled it and would be home all day, he was silent as I went on to tell him that when he came home, he needed to start packing because I wanted him out of the house within two weeks and that I was filing for a divorce.
As it turned out Marie was homeless and had been living out of a rental car for several weeks. They had counted on using my “trust” in them against me—knowing that I respected 72 Ryan’s privacy and would not open his closed bedroom door unless invited in by him. Their plan was to sneak her into the house while I was at work and let her stay in Ryan’s room. For how long I don’t know.
She never did come to the house, and Ryan didn’t go back to live with her. Marc and Ryan moved out two weeks later. Before the divorce became final he admitted that he had never really loved me. He just needed someone to keep him in the lifestyle to which he had wanted to become accustomed to. He just wanted someone to get him out of debt and support him enough so he could get custody of his son. I haven’t seen or spoken to him since then.
Trust. Respect. Honesty. Those are critical things in a marriage, in a relationship of any kind. I was crushed.
While my marriage was disintegrating, my father’s health continued to get worse. In mid-October he was admitted to the hospital for a collapsed lung. Two weeks later my divorce was final. Dad was in the hospital for 37 days, getting out the Monday before Thanksgiving. By mid-December he was put in hospice care and died three months later. It took me almost a year to settle his estate and sell the house.
My entire share of the proceeds went to clear up the debt that Marc had left me with. By the end of the year, I was free and clear of all the debt and almost back to where I had been before I met him. It was almost as good as getting a “do-over” if there hadn’t been the memories of them, the “what ifs,” and the doubled mortgage payment.
After Marc and Ryan left two good things did happen (as if them leaving wasn’t good enough!). The first thing was that my stress-induced pain started to lessen. The second was that Trooper stopped throwing up.
He was still afraid, but when he suddenly stopped throwing up, I began to realize that something had been going on with him that involved Marc and Ryan. My previous marriage had been controlling, manipulative, verbally and emotionally abusive. For almost ten years I had lived in fear of him—fear which manifested in physical illnesses—illnesses that had miraculously disappeared within three months of leaving him. Fear.
What a powerful emotion that is. We will rearrange our lives just to avoid something we are afraid of. We will suffer humiliation, pain, loss, and do things we thought we never would because of fear. We will put ourselves last just to keep that fear at bay.
Finally, something I could understand.
C HAPTER 7
Mystery Solved
I’ve come to believe that things always happen for a reason, and we don’t always know the reason right away. With finally figuring out Trooper’s issues and helping him through those, I also had to face some of my own issues and resolve those in the process.
That summer I had enrolled in a holistic animal care course through a distance learning college. My goal was to learn as much as I could to try to help Tink. She continued to develop bladder
The writing seminar was to have started at 10 a.m. on Saturday, and the drive to Lake City was almost two hours away, so Marc and Ryan left the house around 8 a.m. Saturday morning. I called him at 10:30 a.m. to find out if he was on his way home yet, and after a confused answer that no, he said they were still talking, and he asked why I wasn’t in my writing seminar. When I told him I had cancelled it and would be home all day, he was silent as I went on to tell him that when he came home, he needed to start packing because I wanted him out of the house within two weeks and that I was filing for a divorce.
As it turned out Marie was homeless and had been living out of a rental car for several weeks. They had counted on using my “trust” in them against me—knowing that I respected 72 Ryan’s privacy and would not open his closed bedroom door unless invited in by him. Their plan was to sneak her into the house while I was at work and let her stay in Ryan’s room. For how long I don’t know.
She never did come to the house, and Ryan didn’t go back to live with her. Marc and Ryan moved out two weeks later. Before the divorce became final he admitted that he had never really loved me. He just needed someone to keep him in the lifestyle to which he had wanted to become accustomed to. He just wanted someone to get him out of debt and support him enough so he could get custody of his son. I haven’t seen or spoken to him since then.
Trust. Respect. Honesty. Those are critical things in a marriage, in a relationship of any kind. I was crushed.
While my marriage was disintegrating, my father’s health continued to get worse. In mid-October he was admitted to the hospital for a collapsed lung. Two weeks later my divorce was final. Dad was in the hospital for 37 days, getting out the Monday before Thanksgiving. By mid-December he was put in hospice care and died three months later. It took me almost a year to settle his estate and sell the house.
My entire share of the proceeds went to clear up the debt that Marc had left me with. By the end of the year, I was free and clear of all the debt and almost back to where I had been before I met him. It was almost as good as getting a “do-over” if there hadn’t been the memories of them, the “what ifs,” and the doubled mortgage payment.
After Marc and Ryan left two good things did happen (as if them leaving wasn’t good enough!). The first thing was that my stress-induced pain started to lessen. The second was that Trooper stopped throwing up.
He was still afraid, but when he suddenly stopped throwing up, I began to realize that something had been going on with him that involved Marc and Ryan. My previous marriage had been controlling, manipulative, verbally and emotionally abusive. For almost ten years I had lived in fear of him—fear which manifested in physical illnesses—illnesses that had miraculously disappeared within three months of leaving him. Fear.
What a powerful emotion that is. We will rearrange our lives just to avoid something we are afraid of. We will suffer humiliation, pain, loss, and do things we thought we never would because of fear. We will put ourselves last just to keep that fear at bay.
Finally, something I could understand.
C HAPTER 7
Mystery Solved
I’ve come to believe that things always happen for a reason, and we don’t always know the reason right away. With finally figuring out Trooper’s issues and helping him through those, I also had to face some of my own issues and resolve those in the process.
That summer I had enrolled in a holistic animal care course through a distance learning college. My goal was to learn as much as I could to try to help Tink. She continued to develop bladder
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