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Michael. “He trims his ear hair with a little machine that he sticks in his ear.”
    â€œ All dads trim their ear hair,” said Neil.
    â€œAll dads are weird,” I pointed out. “And if our dads didn’t trim their ear hair, they would have five-foot-long hair sticking out of their ears! If that’s not weird, I don’t know what is.”

    â€œWhat about nose hair?” asked Ryan. “That’s way weirder than ear hair.”
    â€œBoys are gross!” Andrea said.
    Why can’t a truck full of nose hair fall on Andrea’s head?
    We were all arguing about which was weirder, nose hair or ear hair. Mr. Klutz clapped his hands and made a peace sign with his fingers, which means “shut up.”
    â€œAlexia, is your mother’s name Sue?” asked Mr. Klutz.
    â€œYeah . . .”
    â€œI’m going to give her a call,” Mr. Klutz said. “She could be a big help to us.”
    Alexia sank under her desk.

2
The Queen of Cupcakes
    You’ll never believe in a million hundred years what happened the next day. Mr. Klutz came in and told us that Alexia’s mom, Ms. Sue, volunteered to do the fund-raising for the school carnival!
    Or maybe you do believe it, because this book is called Ms. Sue Has No Clue! If Ms. Sue said she didn’t want to volunteer, the book would have a different title. Like Miss Mitsy Is Ditsy! Or Mr. Putty Is Nutty! Or Mrs. Julia Is Peculiar!
    â€œYay!” everybody yelled when Mr. Klutz told us the news.
    â€œBoo!” said Alexia. “I’m telling you, this is a big mistake.”
    But nobody heard her, because guess who walked into the door at that moment?
    Nobody! It would hurt if you walked into a door. But you’ll never believe who walked into the doorway .
    It was Alexia’s mom, Ms. Sue!
    Alexia hid under her desk so her mother wouldn’t notice her. When your mom or dad comes into your classroom, you should always hide under your desk. That’s the first rule of being a kid.
    Ms. Sue was all smiles and looked very excited. She had a plate full of cupcakes in one hand. In her other hand she was lugging a giant thermometer. And I mean giant . That thing was taller than she was!
    â€œWhat do you think that thermometer is for?” I whispered to Ryan, who was sitting next to me.
    â€œI guess Alexia’s mom is going to take our temperatures,” Ryan whispered back.
    â€œI can’t fit that thing in my mouth,” I whispered to Ryan.
    â€œWhat makes you think she’s going to put it in your mouth ?”

    Ahhhhhhhh!
    Ms. Sue put the giant thermometer in the corner and rested it against the wall. Then she passed out cupcakes to all of us.
    â€œHi boys and girls,” she said while we ate. “People call me the Queen of Cupcakes. I’m so excited to be fund-raising for the school carnival. We’re going to have lots of fun and raise lots of money so we can buy new playground equipment for the school.”
    â€œTell the children some of the great fund-raising ideas you have,” said Mr. Klutz.
    â€œSure!” said Ms. Sue. “We’re going to sell cupcakes and blah blah blah blah bingo blah blah blah blah prizes blah blah blah blah car wash blah blah blah blah parents blah blah blah blah money blah blah blah blah pony rides blah blah blah blah blah . . .”
    She went on like that for a million hundred hours. It was hard for me to pay attention to what she was saying, because all I could think about was that giant thermometer and what Ms. Sue was going to do with it.
    â€œI think we can raise even more than five thousand dollars,” she told us. “If we raise ten thousand dollars, we could buy a really nice swing set and a zip line for the playground!”
    Zip lines are cool. Everybody was getting excited. But not me. I kept staring at the giant thermometer. Ms. Sue probably needed to take everyone’s temperature to see if