lone billboard, brown with yellow lettering, stood in a sodden field a few hundred yards from the highway:
Taxidermy & Cheese Shoppe
8 miles
Suppressing a shudder, she said, “Just keep thinking about the money.”
“That’s what I’m doing. But I’m thinking about Barbaraannette, too. The woman scares me, and that’s no lie.”
Phlox rested a hand on his thigh. “Pookie, I just can’t imagine a big strong man like you being scared by a little girl like that.”
“She’s not so little.”
“I saw her on TV, sweetie. What’s so scary?”
Bobby pushed out his lips, saying nothing.
Phlox said, “She funny in the head?”
“It depends what you call funny. I ever tell you what she did to me that New Year’s?”
“You never even told me you were married, Pook.” Phlox dug her nails hard into his thigh.
“Ow!” Bobby swerved and slapped at her hand. “Jesus! You want me to have an accident?”
“What did she do?” Phlox asked.
Bobby rubbed his leg. “The New Year’s before I left, we go to this party? You know, having a few drinks, a good time. Anyways, we get separated, right? I go off with some other people and lose track of Barbaraannette. I finally get home about three or four and Barbaraannette’s already in bed, and I get in there next to her, pretty loaded, and she doesn’t say a word, so I go to sleep. Next thing I know, I feel something hot on my face and I open my eyes and she’s holding a lighter over my mouth close enough to burn nose hair. She says, ‘I just wanted to see if you were flammable drunk, or just regular drunk.’
“I sit up and go, like, ‘What the hell you doing?’ And she starts going on about me and Tanya McElliot and all this other stuff, and finally she lets me get to sleep again, and then something hits me in the face and I wake up and she’s sitting there in bed with a knife slicing up a zucchini squash. Staring at me and cutting slices off the zucchini and throwing them at me. I had to go sleep in my Jeep.”
Phlox said, “Who’s Tanya McElliot?”
“Just this girl.”
“You don’t plan on seeing her, right?”
Bobby frowned. “Anyways, it was more than just that. One time she got the idea I’d had this other woman in our bed and she hauled our mattress down to the river and threw it off the bridge.”
Phlox said, “Was she right?”
“She ruined the damn mattress! What’s right about that?”
“I mean, was she right about you messing around with somebody on her bed?”
“Her bed? It was our bed, and what difference does that make?”
“It made a difference to her.”
“No shit. But forget about Barbaraannette, I got other things to worry about, too. I had a business go sour on me, too. Some folks might not have forgot about that.”
“What sort of business?” This was the first Phlox had heard of it.
“We were gonna start up a dude ranch, me and these other guys. I had my eye on this property out in Wyoming, and I got these guys to go in on it with me. Actually, they were the ones putting up the money.”
“What happened?”
“Nothing.”
“So what’s the problem?”
“That’s the problem. See, I kinda-sorta didn’t get around to buying the land.”
“Oh. But you kept some of the money?”
“I didn’t keep it, I spent it.”
“Oh.” Phlox stared out at the landscape of dirty snow and frozen mud. Somehow none of these things about Bobby’s past surprised her. “So you owe a few people some money. What are we talking?”
“Just a few thousand.” Bobby’s cheek twitched. “About twenty, actually.”
“Pookie! How many guys do you owe it to?”
“Two. Three, counting some I got from Barbaraannette, only she doesn’t need it now.”
Phlox laughed. “Punkin, you are a case.”
Bobby pointed. “There, you see that little blue thing sticking up there? That’s the water tower.” The pale blue globe with white lettering peeked above the horizon for a few seconds, then sank below the horizon as they
Taxidermy & Cheese Shoppe
8 miles
Suppressing a shudder, she said, “Just keep thinking about the money.”
“That’s what I’m doing. But I’m thinking about Barbaraannette, too. The woman scares me, and that’s no lie.”
Phlox rested a hand on his thigh. “Pookie, I just can’t imagine a big strong man like you being scared by a little girl like that.”
“She’s not so little.”
“I saw her on TV, sweetie. What’s so scary?”
Bobby pushed out his lips, saying nothing.
Phlox said, “She funny in the head?”
“It depends what you call funny. I ever tell you what she did to me that New Year’s?”
“You never even told me you were married, Pook.” Phlox dug her nails hard into his thigh.
“Ow!” Bobby swerved and slapped at her hand. “Jesus! You want me to have an accident?”
“What did she do?” Phlox asked.
Bobby rubbed his leg. “The New Year’s before I left, we go to this party? You know, having a few drinks, a good time. Anyways, we get separated, right? I go off with some other people and lose track of Barbaraannette. I finally get home about three or four and Barbaraannette’s already in bed, and I get in there next to her, pretty loaded, and she doesn’t say a word, so I go to sleep. Next thing I know, I feel something hot on my face and I open my eyes and she’s holding a lighter over my mouth close enough to burn nose hair. She says, ‘I just wanted to see if you were flammable drunk, or just regular drunk.’
“I sit up and go, like, ‘What the hell you doing?’ And she starts going on about me and Tanya McElliot and all this other stuff, and finally she lets me get to sleep again, and then something hits me in the face and I wake up and she’s sitting there in bed with a knife slicing up a zucchini squash. Staring at me and cutting slices off the zucchini and throwing them at me. I had to go sleep in my Jeep.”
Phlox said, “Who’s Tanya McElliot?”
“Just this girl.”
“You don’t plan on seeing her, right?”
Bobby frowned. “Anyways, it was more than just that. One time she got the idea I’d had this other woman in our bed and she hauled our mattress down to the river and threw it off the bridge.”
Phlox said, “Was she right?”
“She ruined the damn mattress! What’s right about that?”
“I mean, was she right about you messing around with somebody on her bed?”
“Her bed? It was our bed, and what difference does that make?”
“It made a difference to her.”
“No shit. But forget about Barbaraannette, I got other things to worry about, too. I had a business go sour on me, too. Some folks might not have forgot about that.”
“What sort of business?” This was the first Phlox had heard of it.
“We were gonna start up a dude ranch, me and these other guys. I had my eye on this property out in Wyoming, and I got these guys to go in on it with me. Actually, they were the ones putting up the money.”
“What happened?”
“Nothing.”
“So what’s the problem?”
“That’s the problem. See, I kinda-sorta didn’t get around to buying the land.”
“Oh. But you kept some of the money?”
“I didn’t keep it, I spent it.”
“Oh.” Phlox stared out at the landscape of dirty snow and frozen mud. Somehow none of these things about Bobby’s past surprised her. “So you owe a few people some money. What are we talking?”
“Just a few thousand.” Bobby’s cheek twitched. “About twenty, actually.”
“Pookie! How many guys do you owe it to?”
“Two. Three, counting some I got from Barbaraannette, only she doesn’t need it now.”
Phlox laughed. “Punkin, you are a case.”
Bobby pointed. “There, you see that little blue thing sticking up there? That’s the water tower.” The pale blue globe with white lettering peeked above the horizon for a few seconds, then sank below the horizon as they
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