Read Online Mrs. Lizzy Is Dizzy! by Dan Gutman - Free Book Online Page A
Authors: Dan Gutman
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are you gonna get married?” whispered Michael.
“Shhhhhhhhhhhhh!” said Mr. Granite.
Andrea kept looking at me and smiling.
“If we were married, Arlo, we would hold hands like this all the time,” she toldme. “Holding hands is so romantic .”
“If we were married,” I said, “I would jump off a bridge.”
“Oh, snap!” said Ryan.
“You’re mean, Arlo!”
I had to hold hands with Andrea in the dark for a million hundred minutes. I thought I was gonna die.
And then suddenly, the door unlocked.
And then the doorknob turned.
“It’s the crazy person who escaped from the loony bin!” whispered Ryan. Everybody was freaking out.
And you’ll never believe who walked through the door at that moment.
Nobody. It’s impossible to walk througha door! Doors are made of wood. If we could walk through wood, they wouldn’t bother putting up doors.
But you’ll never believe who walked through the doorway .
I’m not gonna tell you.
Okay, okay, I’ll tell you. But you have to read the next chapter. So nah-nah-nah boo-boo on you.
2
Crazy Week
The person who walked through the doorway was Officer Spence, our school security guard!
Officer Spence acts like he’s a real policeman. But security guards aren’t allowed to carry guns or beat up bad guys or do anything cool.
“It’s all clear,” Officer Spence announced. “The lockdown is over.”
“Yay!” everybody shouted.
“Thank you, Officer Spence,” said Mr. Granite.
“Just doing my duty, sir.”
We all giggled because Officer Spence said the word “duty,” which sounds just like “doody.” It’s okay to say “duty” in school, but you’re not allowed to say “doody.” Grown-ups get really mad. Nobody knows why.
“Did they find the crazy person whoescaped from the loony bin?” I asked Officer Spence.
“No,” he replied. “That person is still at large.”
“If they didn’t find him, how do they know how big he is?” I asked.
Andrea rolled her eyes.
“At large means ‘ missing ,’ Arlo!” she said.
“Your face is missing,” I told Andrea.
“Oh, snap!” said Ryan.
“Don’t worry,” Officer Spence told us. “I’ve got my eyes open.”
I hope so. It would be weird to walk around trying to find crazy people with your eyes closed. You’d bump into stuff.Officer Spence makes no sense.
Mr. Granite went back to teaching us about recycling plastic, but a few minutes later there was a knock on the door.
“Who is it now ?” Mr. Granite looked annoyed.
It was our principal, Mr. Klutz, and our vice principal, Mrs. Jafee. Mr. Klutz has no hair at all. I mean none. But when he poked his head in the doorway, he was wearing a long blond wig! Mrs. Jafee had one on too. It was hilarious.
“To what do we owe the pleasure of your company?” * asked Mr. Granite. “Andwhat’s with the crazy hair?”
“Next week will be Crazy Week at Ella Mentry School,” announced Mr. Klutz. “Monday will be Crazy-Hair Day, so everybody should come to school with crazy hair. Doesn’t that sound like fun?”
“Yes!” said all the girls.
“No!” said all the boys.
“And Tuesday will be Crazy-Clothes Day,” said Mrs. Jafee. “Everybody should dress up crazy, you betcha!”
“Wednesday will be Crazy-Hat Day,” said Mr. Klutz.
“Thursday will be Crazy-Shoes Day,” said Mrs. Jafee. “And Friday will be Crazy- Everything Day!”
“We’ll send a note home for your parents in your backpacks,” said Mr. Klutz. * “But we wanted you kids to get excited about Crazy Week at Ella Mentry School.”
“It’s going to be one crazy week, by golly!” said Mrs. Jafee.
Like our school wasn’t crazy enough already !
3
Crazy-Hair Day
Monday was Crazy-Hair Day. My mom put this stinky gel stuff on my hair and combed it all toward the middle to make a fake mohawk. She called it a “fohawk.” It was cool.
Michael sprayed green dye in his hair. Neil the nude kid had on a baldy wig. Helooked just like Mr. Klutz! Ryan put
“Shhhhhhhhhhhhh!” said Mr. Granite.
Andrea kept looking at me and smiling.
“If we were married, Arlo, we would hold hands like this all the time,” she toldme. “Holding hands is so romantic .”
“If we were married,” I said, “I would jump off a bridge.”
“Oh, snap!” said Ryan.
“You’re mean, Arlo!”
I had to hold hands with Andrea in the dark for a million hundred minutes. I thought I was gonna die.
And then suddenly, the door unlocked.
And then the doorknob turned.
“It’s the crazy person who escaped from the loony bin!” whispered Ryan. Everybody was freaking out.
And you’ll never believe who walked through the door at that moment.
Nobody. It’s impossible to walk througha door! Doors are made of wood. If we could walk through wood, they wouldn’t bother putting up doors.
But you’ll never believe who walked through the doorway .
I’m not gonna tell you.
Okay, okay, I’ll tell you. But you have to read the next chapter. So nah-nah-nah boo-boo on you.
2
Crazy Week
The person who walked through the doorway was Officer Spence, our school security guard!
Officer Spence acts like he’s a real policeman. But security guards aren’t allowed to carry guns or beat up bad guys or do anything cool.
“It’s all clear,” Officer Spence announced. “The lockdown is over.”
“Yay!” everybody shouted.
“Thank you, Officer Spence,” said Mr. Granite.
“Just doing my duty, sir.”
We all giggled because Officer Spence said the word “duty,” which sounds just like “doody.” It’s okay to say “duty” in school, but you’re not allowed to say “doody.” Grown-ups get really mad. Nobody knows why.
“Did they find the crazy person whoescaped from the loony bin?” I asked Officer Spence.
“No,” he replied. “That person is still at large.”
“If they didn’t find him, how do they know how big he is?” I asked.
Andrea rolled her eyes.
“At large means ‘ missing ,’ Arlo!” she said.
“Your face is missing,” I told Andrea.
“Oh, snap!” said Ryan.
“Don’t worry,” Officer Spence told us. “I’ve got my eyes open.”
I hope so. It would be weird to walk around trying to find crazy people with your eyes closed. You’d bump into stuff.Officer Spence makes no sense.
Mr. Granite went back to teaching us about recycling plastic, but a few minutes later there was a knock on the door.
“Who is it now ?” Mr. Granite looked annoyed.
It was our principal, Mr. Klutz, and our vice principal, Mrs. Jafee. Mr. Klutz has no hair at all. I mean none. But when he poked his head in the doorway, he was wearing a long blond wig! Mrs. Jafee had one on too. It was hilarious.
“To what do we owe the pleasure of your company?” * asked Mr. Granite. “Andwhat’s with the crazy hair?”
“Next week will be Crazy Week at Ella Mentry School,” announced Mr. Klutz. “Monday will be Crazy-Hair Day, so everybody should come to school with crazy hair. Doesn’t that sound like fun?”
“Yes!” said all the girls.
“No!” said all the boys.
“And Tuesday will be Crazy-Clothes Day,” said Mrs. Jafee. “Everybody should dress up crazy, you betcha!”
“Wednesday will be Crazy-Hat Day,” said Mr. Klutz.
“Thursday will be Crazy-Shoes Day,” said Mrs. Jafee. “And Friday will be Crazy- Everything Day!”
“We’ll send a note home for your parents in your backpacks,” said Mr. Klutz. * “But we wanted you kids to get excited about Crazy Week at Ella Mentry School.”
“It’s going to be one crazy week, by golly!” said Mrs. Jafee.
Like our school wasn’t crazy enough already !
3
Crazy-Hair Day
Monday was Crazy-Hair Day. My mom put this stinky gel stuff on my hair and combed it all toward the middle to make a fake mohawk. She called it a “fohawk.” It was cool.
Michael sprayed green dye in his hair. Neil the nude kid had on a baldy wig. Helooked just like Mr. Klutz! Ryan put
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