Read Online Most Likely to Die (A Kate Jasper Mystery) by Jaqueline Girdner - Free Book Online Page A
Authors: Jaqueline Girdner
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Was there a Jeffrey Dahmer look in those dreamy eyes?
“Sid even asked about my sex life in front of Pam,” Charlie went on. “It was almost like he knew how I felt and wanted to screw it up.”
I had missed that interaction. But it sounded like Sid all right.
“See, Sid is a lot like this evil captain in the Rodin Rodent books I write. He looks all good-natured and boisterous and harmless on the outside. But inside, ho-ho-ho and a bottle of rum—hang ‘em from the yardarms!”
Charlie leaned his head back, flung out his arms, and laughed deeply and violently. I edged away from him on the couch. Was he really nuts? Or was he just illustrating his fictional captain? He went on roaring out his laughter without appearing to notice my strategic withdrawal, and then abruptly resumed his normal voice. If supersonically breathless can be considered normal.
“But, in truth, the captain is really capable of doing monstrous, monstrous harm without realizing that he himself is the monster. That’s the truly diabolical part. And he just keeps on and on with his black-hearted deeds until someone—”
And then he stopped. Just like that.
“Until someone what?” I asked.
- Six -
“Oh, nothing,” Charlie said, his shoulders slumping.
“Nothing!” I protested. “What about the evil captain and—”
“Oh, Rodin always figures out a way to make sure the captain doesn’t harm people too seriously.”
“Rodin?” I parroted, trying to remember who the hell Rodin was. Finally, it came back to me. “Is Rodin a character in your books?”
“Yes, of course.” Charlie peered at me for a moment as if he was now doubting my sanity.
“Rodin Rodent is my series protagonist, a seafaring rat of many colors. See, he’s this plucky little rat, with a coat that’s brown and gray and white. And he hitches rides on boats and has great adventures. I’ve had him living on the evil captain’s boat for the last three books. He keeps the captain from doing anything too wicked. But the neat part is that the captain doesn’t even know Rodin exists. See, the captain has this fancy brass bed. But all the big brass curlicues are hollow brass pipe. That’s where Rodin lives. And hides all his possessions.
“A little rat’s home because that’s all a little rat needs,” Charlie sang out in a brave falsetto. This time I was pretty sure he was in character. At least he wasn’t roaring and flinging his arms around, just tilting his head and wiggling his nose ever so slightly. “A muslin pouch of herbs for a bed, and the captain’s missing sash for a sheet. And a sachet from a long-lost love for his pillow.”
“So just how does a rat keep a captain from doing evil deeds?” Wayne asked.
I shot a quick glance Wayne’s way. Was he really curious or was there something hidden in these rat tales that he thought was really about Sid Semling? But nothing showed in Wayne’s face.
“Oh, all kinds of ways,” Charlie answered cheerfully. “Removing the powder from the captain’s musket. Rodin does that all the time.” Charlie chuckled and wiggled his nose a little more. “Chewing up the documents that bind his deckhands into servitude. Stealing keys for prisoners.”
“Must make the captain angry,” Wayne said quietly.
“That’s what’s so neat. See the captain never knows it’s Rodin. Rodin’s like Zorro. And Robin Hood. And the Lone Ranger. He comes and goes and helps the people who need it, but no one ever knows that he’s the real hero. The only person on the whole boat that even knows of Rodin’s existence at all is the cook. And he just thinks Rodin’s a common rat. But he likes him anyway, so he leaves out food for him.”
Charlie didn’t look miserable anymore. He wasn’t wringing his hands together. He wasn’t staring into space. His face was animated with a big, goofy smile, and his voice was clear and easy. Rodin Rodent’s ship was obviously where Charlie Hirsch’s soul
“Sid even asked about my sex life in front of Pam,” Charlie went on. “It was almost like he knew how I felt and wanted to screw it up.”
I had missed that interaction. But it sounded like Sid all right.
“See, Sid is a lot like this evil captain in the Rodin Rodent books I write. He looks all good-natured and boisterous and harmless on the outside. But inside, ho-ho-ho and a bottle of rum—hang ‘em from the yardarms!”
Charlie leaned his head back, flung out his arms, and laughed deeply and violently. I edged away from him on the couch. Was he really nuts? Or was he just illustrating his fictional captain? He went on roaring out his laughter without appearing to notice my strategic withdrawal, and then abruptly resumed his normal voice. If supersonically breathless can be considered normal.
“But, in truth, the captain is really capable of doing monstrous, monstrous harm without realizing that he himself is the monster. That’s the truly diabolical part. And he just keeps on and on with his black-hearted deeds until someone—”
And then he stopped. Just like that.
“Until someone what?” I asked.
- Six -
“Oh, nothing,” Charlie said, his shoulders slumping.
“Nothing!” I protested. “What about the evil captain and—”
“Oh, Rodin always figures out a way to make sure the captain doesn’t harm people too seriously.”
“Rodin?” I parroted, trying to remember who the hell Rodin was. Finally, it came back to me. “Is Rodin a character in your books?”
“Yes, of course.” Charlie peered at me for a moment as if he was now doubting my sanity.
“Rodin Rodent is my series protagonist, a seafaring rat of many colors. See, he’s this plucky little rat, with a coat that’s brown and gray and white. And he hitches rides on boats and has great adventures. I’ve had him living on the evil captain’s boat for the last three books. He keeps the captain from doing anything too wicked. But the neat part is that the captain doesn’t even know Rodin exists. See, the captain has this fancy brass bed. But all the big brass curlicues are hollow brass pipe. That’s where Rodin lives. And hides all his possessions.
“A little rat’s home because that’s all a little rat needs,” Charlie sang out in a brave falsetto. This time I was pretty sure he was in character. At least he wasn’t roaring and flinging his arms around, just tilting his head and wiggling his nose ever so slightly. “A muslin pouch of herbs for a bed, and the captain’s missing sash for a sheet. And a sachet from a long-lost love for his pillow.”
“So just how does a rat keep a captain from doing evil deeds?” Wayne asked.
I shot a quick glance Wayne’s way. Was he really curious or was there something hidden in these rat tales that he thought was really about Sid Semling? But nothing showed in Wayne’s face.
“Oh, all kinds of ways,” Charlie answered cheerfully. “Removing the powder from the captain’s musket. Rodin does that all the time.” Charlie chuckled and wiggled his nose a little more. “Chewing up the documents that bind his deckhands into servitude. Stealing keys for prisoners.”
“Must make the captain angry,” Wayne said quietly.
“That’s what’s so neat. See the captain never knows it’s Rodin. Rodin’s like Zorro. And Robin Hood. And the Lone Ranger. He comes and goes and helps the people who need it, but no one ever knows that he’s the real hero. The only person on the whole boat that even knows of Rodin’s existence at all is the cook. And he just thinks Rodin’s a common rat. But he likes him anyway, so he leaves out food for him.”
Charlie didn’t look miserable anymore. He wasn’t wringing his hands together. He wasn’t staring into space. His face was animated with a big, goofy smile, and his voice was clear and easy. Rodin Rodent’s ship was obviously where Charlie Hirsch’s soul
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