fallen, but other than turning on a light no one in the room had gotten up. Pulling away from Leah and me on the couch, Dillon stood up and started to pace.
“I know it’s normal to feel the way we do, but right now it’s scaring the shit out of me. I can’t lose anything else. We’re going to survive this, right?”
It was the first time I had ever heard Dillon be so unsure about something that wasn’t Marissa related. My heart broke when I realized that he was like a trauma victim who was terrified of another shoe dropping. Before I could say anything, Leah started talking.
“Somehow we’re going to survive Dill, but we’re never going to be the same. But right now, we need… we have to… oh my god, it’s so goddamn hard!”
She broke off for a minute, hiccupping as she got herself under control enough to speak.
“We have to go into her bedroom to see… if… she left… a note. I need to know. And then… we need… to decide… to choose… what we’re going to do… with…her… oh, god… her body. But what she did… we’ll never be able to see what’s left, will we? She’s really gone….”
It was all she could get out, and I wrapped my arms around her and held on tightly as she quietly cried.
Looking at Dillon over Leah’s shoulder I saw that he was hanging by a thread. Looking up he met my eyes and mouthed, “I’ll be back,” before he turned and walked out the front door.
At that point I realized that someone needed to take charge and neither Dillon or Leah were in any condition to do so. I was heartbroken but my despair couldn’t be nearly as profound as theirs was. They had known her longer, had lived through the ups and downs for years. I had lost my best friend but Leah had lost her sister and Dillon had lost his wife. Their agony took precedence over mine, without a doubt. As much as my heart hurt, I knew that I needed to pull myself together so that I could take care of them.
Pulling back from Leah I grabbed my phone and texted my Aunt Sandra to let her know that I was going to spend the night at Marissa’s. I didn’t mention that Marissa was gone because I just couldn’t bring myself to say it.
After hitting send I turned back to Leah and pushed her hair back from her face.
“Lee, I’m going to turn on the TV for you and then I’m going to go talk to Dillon for a minute. You need to drink something. When I come back inside, I’ll pour you a glass of iced tea. Do you want or need anything else?”
Sniffling quietly she shook her head. “No, but thank you Dominique. Thank you for being here.”
After kissing her cheek I made my way out the front door to find Dillon. He wasn’t right outside. For a minute I thought he must have gone for a walk, but when I heard a noise from the driveway I followed it and found him sitting up against the side of the house, hidden behind the cars.
After taking a deep breath, I put on the calmest face I possibly could, given the circumstances, before kneeling in front of him so that we were eye to eye. Even looking at him was painful.
“Hey,” I said. “I know you’re overwhelmed. I also know that you need to let yourself grieve and you can’t take on too much. You don’t need to go into her room tonight. I’ll do it. I’ll go check to see if there is a note. Tomorrow morning I’ll call around and find a funeral home. You and Leah will have to decide what kind of service you would like, and we can go from there. I know this is something you can’t think about right now so I’ll take care of all the details. Don’t push yourself-you both have to take care of yourselves.”
Nodding his head he looked away from me, staring off into space.
“I keep hoping this is a nightmare, but it’s not. I know I should go into her bedroom, but I can’t bring myself to do it. If there is a note… I can’t read it right now. I’m sorry. I know I should be stronger, but I don’t have any strength left. It’s like she took it all
“I know it’s normal to feel the way we do, but right now it’s scaring the shit out of me. I can’t lose anything else. We’re going to survive this, right?”
It was the first time I had ever heard Dillon be so unsure about something that wasn’t Marissa related. My heart broke when I realized that he was like a trauma victim who was terrified of another shoe dropping. Before I could say anything, Leah started talking.
“Somehow we’re going to survive Dill, but we’re never going to be the same. But right now, we need… we have to… oh my god, it’s so goddamn hard!”
She broke off for a minute, hiccupping as she got herself under control enough to speak.
“We have to go into her bedroom to see… if… she left… a note. I need to know. And then… we need… to decide… to choose… what we’re going to do… with…her… oh, god… her body. But what she did… we’ll never be able to see what’s left, will we? She’s really gone….”
It was all she could get out, and I wrapped my arms around her and held on tightly as she quietly cried.
Looking at Dillon over Leah’s shoulder I saw that he was hanging by a thread. Looking up he met my eyes and mouthed, “I’ll be back,” before he turned and walked out the front door.
At that point I realized that someone needed to take charge and neither Dillon or Leah were in any condition to do so. I was heartbroken but my despair couldn’t be nearly as profound as theirs was. They had known her longer, had lived through the ups and downs for years. I had lost my best friend but Leah had lost her sister and Dillon had lost his wife. Their agony took precedence over mine, without a doubt. As much as my heart hurt, I knew that I needed to pull myself together so that I could take care of them.
Pulling back from Leah I grabbed my phone and texted my Aunt Sandra to let her know that I was going to spend the night at Marissa’s. I didn’t mention that Marissa was gone because I just couldn’t bring myself to say it.
After hitting send I turned back to Leah and pushed her hair back from her face.
“Lee, I’m going to turn on the TV for you and then I’m going to go talk to Dillon for a minute. You need to drink something. When I come back inside, I’ll pour you a glass of iced tea. Do you want or need anything else?”
Sniffling quietly she shook her head. “No, but thank you Dominique. Thank you for being here.”
After kissing her cheek I made my way out the front door to find Dillon. He wasn’t right outside. For a minute I thought he must have gone for a walk, but when I heard a noise from the driveway I followed it and found him sitting up against the side of the house, hidden behind the cars.
After taking a deep breath, I put on the calmest face I possibly could, given the circumstances, before kneeling in front of him so that we were eye to eye. Even looking at him was painful.
“Hey,” I said. “I know you’re overwhelmed. I also know that you need to let yourself grieve and you can’t take on too much. You don’t need to go into her room tonight. I’ll do it. I’ll go check to see if there is a note. Tomorrow morning I’ll call around and find a funeral home. You and Leah will have to decide what kind of service you would like, and we can go from there. I know this is something you can’t think about right now so I’ll take care of all the details. Don’t push yourself-you both have to take care of yourselves.”
Nodding his head he looked away from me, staring off into space.
“I keep hoping this is a nightmare, but it’s not. I know I should go into her bedroom, but I can’t bring myself to do it. If there is a note… I can’t read it right now. I’m sorry. I know I should be stronger, but I don’t have any strength left. It’s like she took it all
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