Read Online Miss Kane's Christmas by Caroline Mickelson - Free Book Online Page B

didn’t. He couldn’t. “It’s not what you think.”
    “Isn’t it?”
    Her eyes searched his. He felt exposed in a way he never had before. No one had ever looked at him, truly seen him, the way that Carol now did. Vulnerable didn’t begin to describe how he felt.
    “Ben, you’ve been hurt. First your late wife was going to move out, and then she got sick and passed away. I know.” Carol bit her lip and paused for a long moment. “But do you really think the answer is to teach Hillary and Patrick to stand on the sidelines of life so they won’t get hurt?”
    He looked away.
    “Look at me, Ben,” Carol said, and when he didn’t she placed her hand on his good arm.
    He closed his eyes against the warmth of her touch. He didn’t want that warmth to reach his heart. Because when it was gone, when she was gone, he didn’t think he could bear the cold.
    They sat, surrounded by deafening silence. Ben felt at war with himself, it was unlike anything he’d ever experienced before. He knew what he wanted. Carol. Her enthusiasm, her charm, her kindness, her warmth…he wanted it all. But he knew if he let her into his life it would come at a price he didn’t want to pay when she decided to leave. He couldn’t do it. He couldn’t experience true happiness only to have it taken away again.
    He turned to face her. “I think it’s better if you go.”
    She stared up at him for an agonizingly long moment before she nodded, understanding clear in her eyes. “I can get a flight out tomorrow night. After the party, but if that’s not soon enough I can-”
    “That’s fine,” he interrupted her. “Hillary and Patrick will want you here for it.” The cursed, confounded party they’d told him about on the way home from the mall.
    “You’re sure?”
    Her voice was so quiet he could barely hear her.
    “Of course, the house is big enough that we can manage. It’s only a few people over for cookies, right?”
    She looked away.
    “Carol?” He struggled to keep his voice level. “What aren’t you telling me?”
    She took a deep breath. That couldn’t be a good sign.
    “We’re going to have a house full of people, aren’t we?” he demanded.
    She nodded.
    Damn. All he wanted was to be alone in a dark house. No Christmas music, no strings of lights, no bell shaped cookies. And definitely no happy, cheerful people who wanted to make merry.
    “The children are looking forward to this, Ben.”
    “I know, I know.” He closed his eyes. He needed to do the right thing by his children, even if he was incapable of making a woman happy. “I’ll get through it.”
    “I’m sorry.”
    It tore at his heart to hear how contrite she sounded, especially when it was all his fault. He’d railed at her about the holiday ever since she’d arrived but she’d done nothing wrong except make his children extremely happy. The fact he’d fallen in love with her and now wanted nothing more than forever with her was on his head, not hers.
    “You have nothing to apologize for, Carol. I just don’t…I just can’t…,” he let his voice trail off.
    “You just don’t believe.”
    “No, I don’t,” he conceded. “Not in any of it.”
    He watched as Carol left the room, waiting until he heard her bedroom door close before he switched off the light and sat in the dark. No. He didn’t believe. Not in Christmas. And not in happy endings.

Chapter Nine
    “Come on sleepyhead, wake up.”
    In protest, Carol rolled over and refused to open her eyes. But that didn’t stop someone from shaking her, or from scolding her, for that matter.
    “For the love of Santa,” the voice intoned, “get out of that bed. It’s the day before Christmas Eve and you are not spending it laying around feeling sorry for yourself.”
    Ah, this was where the voice was completely wrong. Carol had every intention of feeling sorry for herself all day long. In fact, she had the ultimate pity party planned. And it was a party for one. “Go