Ray-Ray yelled into the phone as soon as he picked up. Although his greeting was a beautiful notion, I had a tough time accepting it at the moment. âFuck a birthday!â I yelled. âYou and me got some issues.â
âDamn, whatâs up with you? I guess thatâs the attitude of a black birthday girl, huh?â Ray-Ray said in an attempt to ease the tension.
âNah, this is the attitude of a black pregnant birthday girl! This damn pregnancy test is whatâs up, nigga!â I yelled into the phone.
Since Duke and I were no longer an item, Ray-Ray hadnât been using protection. One night he came over after a long night of gambling and drinking at the bootleggerâs, drunk and horny. We engaged in passionate sex and he failed to pull out. I knew I was going to end up pregnant the night it happened, but I hoped for a different outcome.
âWhat? You pregnant?â he asked with little emotion. âSo, what you gonna do?â He continued to speak like the whole ordeal was nothing.
âWhat am I going to do? Did I get pregnant alone, nigga? What are you going to do?â I yelled at him.
âOkay, Gina. What are we going to do? Ainât no need in all this drama you giving me now,â he responded, still with little emotion.
His lack of compassion was really starting to annoy me, so I fought back with words I didnât know Iâd come to regret.
âI want an abortion!â I yelled like my mind was bad. I was sure that statement would get his attention, but I ended up with my face cracked, instead. Either Ray-Ray didnât know how to take the hint of a cry for attention, or he just didnât care like I thought he would.
âAâight. Cool. Just let me know how much it cost. You know I got you,â he said before hanging up the phone in my ear.
I sat on my bed, sobbing as I thought about all the recent events in my life.
How did I get in this situation?
Normally, this would be a time when I would call BJ and ask for her support, but not this time. She had betrayed me, and I hated her for it. Duke had betrayed me, and I hated him as well. So had my mother, her boyfriend, and now Ray-Ray too. I had to wonder how one person could be let down so many times. At that moment, it seemed as if I was the only person in the world who had ever been betrayed by just about all the important people in her life.
How could Ray-Ray have so openly agreed to an abortion? How could he just hang up on me like that without making sure I was okay? Didnât he understand that I loved him? Didnât he know that this child was a part of us both? Tears welled up in my eyes as I continued to think. Maybe this baby was all I got. Maybe this was the only person I could truly trust and love, who would love me the same, no matter the weather.
I sat on my bed weeping until I fell asleep, but my afternoon nap was interrupted by the sound of gunshots. Iâd heard gunshots nearby before, but for some reason, these shots seemed eerie. My heart was beating uncontrollably, and I could hardly catch my breath. I looked out the window to see where the shots were coming from, but the neighborhood was as peaceful as an April shower. I figured the shots must have been part of a bad dream, and that being suddenly awakened added to the rapid beat of my heart.
Since I was awake, I decided to call Ray-Ray back and tell him there had been a change of plans. I had decided to keep my baby and there was nothing he could do to stop me. His phone rang, but he didnât answer. I called a few more times after that and someone picked up, but no one said anything. I listened carefully. I heard music in the background and faint breathing. Ray-Ray was listening to our song, âLovers and Friendsâ by Lil Jon, Luda, and Usher. For a moment I thought about the countless times we made love to that song, but that moment of reminiscing was cut short when I heard the whisper of someoneâs
âDamn, whatâs up with you? I guess thatâs the attitude of a black birthday girl, huh?â Ray-Ray said in an attempt to ease the tension.
âNah, this is the attitude of a black pregnant birthday girl! This damn pregnancy test is whatâs up, nigga!â I yelled into the phone.
Since Duke and I were no longer an item, Ray-Ray hadnât been using protection. One night he came over after a long night of gambling and drinking at the bootleggerâs, drunk and horny. We engaged in passionate sex and he failed to pull out. I knew I was going to end up pregnant the night it happened, but I hoped for a different outcome.
âWhat? You pregnant?â he asked with little emotion. âSo, what you gonna do?â He continued to speak like the whole ordeal was nothing.
âWhat am I going to do? Did I get pregnant alone, nigga? What are you going to do?â I yelled at him.
âOkay, Gina. What are we going to do? Ainât no need in all this drama you giving me now,â he responded, still with little emotion.
His lack of compassion was really starting to annoy me, so I fought back with words I didnât know Iâd come to regret.
âI want an abortion!â I yelled like my mind was bad. I was sure that statement would get his attention, but I ended up with my face cracked, instead. Either Ray-Ray didnât know how to take the hint of a cry for attention, or he just didnât care like I thought he would.
âAâight. Cool. Just let me know how much it cost. You know I got you,â he said before hanging up the phone in my ear.
I sat on my bed, sobbing as I thought about all the recent events in my life.
How did I get in this situation?
Normally, this would be a time when I would call BJ and ask for her support, but not this time. She had betrayed me, and I hated her for it. Duke had betrayed me, and I hated him as well. So had my mother, her boyfriend, and now Ray-Ray too. I had to wonder how one person could be let down so many times. At that moment, it seemed as if I was the only person in the world who had ever been betrayed by just about all the important people in her life.
How could Ray-Ray have so openly agreed to an abortion? How could he just hang up on me like that without making sure I was okay? Didnât he understand that I loved him? Didnât he know that this child was a part of us both? Tears welled up in my eyes as I continued to think. Maybe this baby was all I got. Maybe this was the only person I could truly trust and love, who would love me the same, no matter the weather.
I sat on my bed weeping until I fell asleep, but my afternoon nap was interrupted by the sound of gunshots. Iâd heard gunshots nearby before, but for some reason, these shots seemed eerie. My heart was beating uncontrollably, and I could hardly catch my breath. I looked out the window to see where the shots were coming from, but the neighborhood was as peaceful as an April shower. I figured the shots must have been part of a bad dream, and that being suddenly awakened added to the rapid beat of my heart.
Since I was awake, I decided to call Ray-Ray back and tell him there had been a change of plans. I had decided to keep my baby and there was nothing he could do to stop me. His phone rang, but he didnât answer. I called a few more times after that and someone picked up, but no one said anything. I listened carefully. I heard music in the background and faint breathing. Ray-Ray was listening to our song, âLovers and Friendsâ by Lil Jon, Luda, and Usher. For a moment I thought about the countless times we made love to that song, but that moment of reminiscing was cut short when I heard the whisper of someoneâs
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