Read Online Lucid by Adrienne Stoltz, Ron Bass - Free Book Online Page A
Authors: Adrienne Stoltz, Ron Bass
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park with Jade’s Yorkie, Boris. She is sleeping over at her best friend Tomiko’s, so I am Boris’s bitch for the duration. I don’t like Boris. And I probably never will. He’s only a little dog, and never did anything bad to me at all. I don’t like his attitude, which is big enough to barely squeeze into an airplane hangar, but I also think he’sugly, which is exacerbated by the fact that every young female I meet (and guys who have so little game they address their pickup lines to a girl’s dog) is constantly adoring how adorable Boris is. He’s not.
I like big dogs. Big, shaggy ones who love you to pound them with your fists because they can barely feel it. And they slobber all over you and are completely disgusting and are completely comfortable letting assholes like Boris pretend to push them around. Because they have the thing I admire most in dogs and men. Confidence.
So when I see some perfectly pleasant-looking guy being pushed around by some strutting, entitled bitch, I want to look the other way. I’m not sure why I don’t. There’s a couple across the grassy run, with no discernible dog, setting up some kind of home video something. They have claimed a prime bench under one of the leafy oaks. He is setting up lights and screens to replace the natural sunlight with the specific lighting angles he wants. And she is bitching at him nonstop, like she knows what the hell she’s talking about. I’ve been on enough sets to know that he does and she doesn’t. However, she’s totally gorgeous, which makes me tense up. Whenever I see an actress with a stronger look than mine, I try to resist the urge to go all alpha dog, but I never succeed. Thus assured that she could have no talent, I wander over, hoping to lose Boris in the process, figuring this is none of my business. I’m sure the guy is getting something out of it for the aggravation.
I sit on a bench, absurdly close. Obviously within earshot. Her complaints are all about the lighting. She has very specific ideas about what his setup should do to her bone structure. The guy pays no attention to her whatsoever. So now I like him. She is, however, incredibly hot.
Through masterful eavesdropping, I’m able to figure out that Andrew is in film school at NYU, which is pretty prestigious. Carmen, astonishingly enough, is his classmate. He’s making a student film and is confident in his abilities, obviously having made several before, and I realize that they must not be a couple at all. I hate to admit that it actually makes me feel a little satisfied. He’s too good for her.
Once he starts directing her scene, their dynamic changes completely. He is in total command. She eagerly follows his every suggestion, all of which are made respectfully, in low tones. She even lets him give her line readings, which always drives me crazy. She is actually good. Not just good for a film student, but good for an actress. When the scene is over, they do a second take, and he says it’s a wrap. She looks at him like a puppy waiting to be praised. He says, “Nice.” And she jumps into his arms like a trained chimp, jams her tongue down his throat, and I realize they must be a couple after all. I’m not even trying to pretend I’m not watching at this point.
Then she says she was channeling Audrey Hepburn from
Philadelphia Story
. I can see in his eyes that he knows. If he says the word
Katharine
, he’s in the doghouse.
“Katharine,” he says softly.
“Katharine who?”
“Katharine Hepburn was in
Philadelphia Story
. You’re thinking of channeling Audrey Hepburn in
The Nun’s Story
.”
“Excuse me?”
“Well, I’m thinking the purity, the spirituality, the grace…”
“So this is you being an asshole, yes?” She puts a hand on her hip.
He grins. “This is me making a little fun of you for being pretentious.”
“Except you’re the one being pretentious,” I say out loud. They both turn to me.
“Thanks,” says the
I like big dogs. Big, shaggy ones who love you to pound them with your fists because they can barely feel it. And they slobber all over you and are completely disgusting and are completely comfortable letting assholes like Boris pretend to push them around. Because they have the thing I admire most in dogs and men. Confidence.
So when I see some perfectly pleasant-looking guy being pushed around by some strutting, entitled bitch, I want to look the other way. I’m not sure why I don’t. There’s a couple across the grassy run, with no discernible dog, setting up some kind of home video something. They have claimed a prime bench under one of the leafy oaks. He is setting up lights and screens to replace the natural sunlight with the specific lighting angles he wants. And she is bitching at him nonstop, like she knows what the hell she’s talking about. I’ve been on enough sets to know that he does and she doesn’t. However, she’s totally gorgeous, which makes me tense up. Whenever I see an actress with a stronger look than mine, I try to resist the urge to go all alpha dog, but I never succeed. Thus assured that she could have no talent, I wander over, hoping to lose Boris in the process, figuring this is none of my business. I’m sure the guy is getting something out of it for the aggravation.
I sit on a bench, absurdly close. Obviously within earshot. Her complaints are all about the lighting. She has very specific ideas about what his setup should do to her bone structure. The guy pays no attention to her whatsoever. So now I like him. She is, however, incredibly hot.
Through masterful eavesdropping, I’m able to figure out that Andrew is in film school at NYU, which is pretty prestigious. Carmen, astonishingly enough, is his classmate. He’s making a student film and is confident in his abilities, obviously having made several before, and I realize that they must not be a couple at all. I hate to admit that it actually makes me feel a little satisfied. He’s too good for her.
Once he starts directing her scene, their dynamic changes completely. He is in total command. She eagerly follows his every suggestion, all of which are made respectfully, in low tones. She even lets him give her line readings, which always drives me crazy. She is actually good. Not just good for a film student, but good for an actress. When the scene is over, they do a second take, and he says it’s a wrap. She looks at him like a puppy waiting to be praised. He says, “Nice.” And she jumps into his arms like a trained chimp, jams her tongue down his throat, and I realize they must be a couple after all. I’m not even trying to pretend I’m not watching at this point.
Then she says she was channeling Audrey Hepburn from
Philadelphia Story
. I can see in his eyes that he knows. If he says the word
Katharine
, he’s in the doghouse.
“Katharine,” he says softly.
“Katharine who?”
“Katharine Hepburn was in
Philadelphia Story
. You’re thinking of channeling Audrey Hepburn in
The Nun’s Story
.”
“Excuse me?”
“Well, I’m thinking the purity, the spirituality, the grace…”
“So this is you being an asshole, yes?” She puts a hand on her hip.
He grins. “This is me making a little fun of you for being pretentious.”
“Except you’re the one being pretentious,” I say out loud. They both turn to me.
“Thanks,” says the
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