Read Online Love Me for Me by Kate Laurens - Free Book Online Page B
Authors: Kate Laurens
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what. And she hadn't.
I opened my mouth to try to spit it out, but said something else entirely.
“The injections. Is that what the scars on your arms are from?” Alex reeled back as if I’d struck him, his hand rubbing over the place in question as if the skin hurt.
“No.” His voice was flat, and colder than I’d heard it.
He said nothing else.
My gaze faltered under his challenging stare. I took a step backward, then another, then turned and made my way to the door, emotions churning inside of me in a big, nauseating stew.
I didn't look back.
Chapter Five
I ran faster than I ever had, pushing myself until my lungs burned and the muscles in my legs quivered and threatened to give out. Heaving in great lungfuls of air as I turned into the MacKinnon parking lot, I lifted the hem of my T-shirt to mop the sweat from my forehead.
I wasn’t stupid. I’d tried to go faster because running made me feel like I could maybe leave my problems behind, if only I got up to the right speed. I would never be swift enough to outrun them completely, but I’d gotten quick enough to get here to college, out of that house and away from my misery.
Slowing once I reached the side of the dorm, I braced myself against it with one hand and, balancing on one foot, bent the opposite knee and tucked my foot behind my butt. I savoured the stretch, trying my best not to look at the battered car against which Alex had kissed me senseless nights ago.
I winced as I switched legs, trying to ignore the sinking sensation in my gut. I’d royally fucked things up with him. The one guy who’d made me forget all the darkness, and yet the darkness kept me from giving him what he wanted.
“Idiot.” I berated myself as I pulled my key card from the zip pocket of my running shorts and entered the dorm. In all the years since my life had so drastically changed, I’d searched for that one person who could make me remember what it was like to be me—just me. The me that I’d been before any of it had started.
Even when I’d given up hope that such a person existed, I’d never thought that someone would want more from me than I was able to give. The boys in high school, they’d all been easy—I’d given them my body in exchange for a few moments of secret affection.
Alex was harder. He wanted more.
I wanted him, but I couldn’t give him what he was demanding.
I was in a foul mood by the time I reached my room. The grumpiness turned into discomfort when I opened the door and found that Kaylee was awake, sitting on her bed with her massive art history textbook in her lap.
“Hey.” I knew that my smile was more reserved than it had ever been with her, but I couldn’t seem to help it. Ever since our conversation the other day, in which we’d each admitted a bit more about our pasts than we’d wanted to, things between us had been stilted.
The fact that she was sitting here studying without an imminent exam told me that Kaylee was feeling like things were off too.
Knowing it and changing it, though, were two entirely different things.
“Ugh. How can you do that?” Relief was a fresh breath of air as I gathered my towel and shampoo. Kaylee asked me the same question every time I went for a run.
I usually shrugged and told her that I liked it. This time I found the truth slipping out of my mouth before I could stop it.
“I was big when I was a teenager.” No matter my size, I’d still been able to draw the wrong kind of attention from boys with the promise of what lay between my legs, but the fat had been a layer of insulation for me, a way to keep myself apart from the inevitable hurt that the rest of the world could bring to me.
“Lots of people are chubby until they hit puberty.” I saw that Kaylee was choosing her words carefully. I turned the bottle of shampoo over in my hand, and then back the right way again, weighing my words now that I’d let part of my secret slip.
“I was long past puberty. And... I wouldn’t
I opened my mouth to try to spit it out, but said something else entirely.
“The injections. Is that what the scars on your arms are from?” Alex reeled back as if I’d struck him, his hand rubbing over the place in question as if the skin hurt.
“No.” His voice was flat, and colder than I’d heard it.
He said nothing else.
My gaze faltered under his challenging stare. I took a step backward, then another, then turned and made my way to the door, emotions churning inside of me in a big, nauseating stew.
I didn't look back.
Chapter Five
I ran faster than I ever had, pushing myself until my lungs burned and the muscles in my legs quivered and threatened to give out. Heaving in great lungfuls of air as I turned into the MacKinnon parking lot, I lifted the hem of my T-shirt to mop the sweat from my forehead.
I wasn’t stupid. I’d tried to go faster because running made me feel like I could maybe leave my problems behind, if only I got up to the right speed. I would never be swift enough to outrun them completely, but I’d gotten quick enough to get here to college, out of that house and away from my misery.
Slowing once I reached the side of the dorm, I braced myself against it with one hand and, balancing on one foot, bent the opposite knee and tucked my foot behind my butt. I savoured the stretch, trying my best not to look at the battered car against which Alex had kissed me senseless nights ago.
I winced as I switched legs, trying to ignore the sinking sensation in my gut. I’d royally fucked things up with him. The one guy who’d made me forget all the darkness, and yet the darkness kept me from giving him what he wanted.
“Idiot.” I berated myself as I pulled my key card from the zip pocket of my running shorts and entered the dorm. In all the years since my life had so drastically changed, I’d searched for that one person who could make me remember what it was like to be me—just me. The me that I’d been before any of it had started.
Even when I’d given up hope that such a person existed, I’d never thought that someone would want more from me than I was able to give. The boys in high school, they’d all been easy—I’d given them my body in exchange for a few moments of secret affection.
Alex was harder. He wanted more.
I wanted him, but I couldn’t give him what he was demanding.
I was in a foul mood by the time I reached my room. The grumpiness turned into discomfort when I opened the door and found that Kaylee was awake, sitting on her bed with her massive art history textbook in her lap.
“Hey.” I knew that my smile was more reserved than it had ever been with her, but I couldn’t seem to help it. Ever since our conversation the other day, in which we’d each admitted a bit more about our pasts than we’d wanted to, things between us had been stilted.
The fact that she was sitting here studying without an imminent exam told me that Kaylee was feeling like things were off too.
Knowing it and changing it, though, were two entirely different things.
“Ugh. How can you do that?” Relief was a fresh breath of air as I gathered my towel and shampoo. Kaylee asked me the same question every time I went for a run.
I usually shrugged and told her that I liked it. This time I found the truth slipping out of my mouth before I could stop it.
“I was big when I was a teenager.” No matter my size, I’d still been able to draw the wrong kind of attention from boys with the promise of what lay between my legs, but the fat had been a layer of insulation for me, a way to keep myself apart from the inevitable hurt that the rest of the world could bring to me.
“Lots of people are chubby until they hit puberty.” I saw that Kaylee was choosing her words carefully. I turned the bottle of shampoo over in my hand, and then back the right way again, weighing my words now that I’d let part of my secret slip.
“I was long past puberty. And... I wouldn’t
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