that morning before the weekly meeting where Cliff handed out the assignments. Anna sat in her chair and leaned back. The new woman who usually sat across from her hadn’t come in yet. Until the gossip twins came in from the front, she’d have the office to herself. She hoped the quiet would help her concentrate.
Jilly came to her mind again, especially the comment about how they were screwed up. Yes, they were raised by a screwed-up mother, but did that mean they had to have problems too? Couldn’t one grow up and get past them? Anna’s neck muscles tensed and a low-grade pounding started in the base of her skull. It reminded her of the headaches she’d endured nearly every day as a child. Jilly might want to delve into things, but it was rarely a good idea.
Anna grabbed her inbox and pulled the papers out. She aligned them and slipped them back in place. She pulled open the drawer to see that all the pencils and pens were arranged according to size and color. She closed it carefully so as not to disturb them.
Anna realized a big part of her being “screwed up” came from being unhappy. Her life and job didn’t fulfill her. She’d loved Rob a long time ago, but that time had well passed. She could finally admit to herself what she’d thought about on the long walk back home after the gala. She wanted out. She wanted to divorce Rob. It wouldn’t be easy. Rob’s mother would declare war on her, but Anna no longer cared. If I leave Rob, will all the worry and stress go away? Will I be normal again? It would be wonderful if that were true, but Anna couldn’t lie to herself. It might start with Rob at this moment, but really it had started with Mamma, and it would end with her.
Anna pulled her Post-It notes from the monitor and arranged them in perfect alignment and spacing around the screen.
Why can’t I just find the kind of life I dreamed about when I left Toronto? Anna must have asked herself that question a thousand times. She had come to Hope for what the name implied and didn’t find it. Jilly had come too, but she’d found it instead. Her husband and little boy were perfect. She grabbed the cloth and cleaning solution from under her desk and scrubbed the surface, her mind racing.
“Anna?” She looked up to see Paul giving her a strange look. “Everything okay?”
“Yes, why?” Anna put the cloth and cleaner away and frowned at him.
“Because you were … nothing. It doesn’t matter. Are you ready for the meeting?”
“Pretty much. I just have to finish up my story,” she replied.
“The one Cliff assigned last week?” Paul arched an eyebrow.
The coffee lurched in her stomach and Anna bolted with a hurried, “Excuse me, I don’t feel well.”
She made it to the toilet just in time. Of course the gossip twins were standing at the sink and they listened to her retch. The humiliation was almost too much. They probably wondered if Anna had gotten pregnant at last. With that thought, the rest of the contents in her stomach come up in a rush. All of this thinking about the past is doing my nerves no good.
Anna wiped her mouth on some toilet paper and sat on the toilet lid to wait, hoping they’d leave her in peace. After listening to them whisper for a while, she gave up and left the stall. Their eyes were like matching laser beams.
“Are you okay?”
“I don’t want to talk about it, okay?” Anna’s voice came out curt, but she didn’t care. The blood pounded in her face, and not all of it came from embarrassment. The bitches!
She didn’t see Paul anywhere when she got back to her desk. She hoped he would stay hidden for a while. Anna moved the mouse to deactivate the screen saver, a slideshow of Italian photos. She’d dreamed of going one day and maybe even meeting her grandfather. Her heart tightened at the thought that she’d missed her chance. He’d probably passed away by now.
Anna opened the
Jilly came to her mind again, especially the comment about how they were screwed up. Yes, they were raised by a screwed-up mother, but did that mean they had to have problems too? Couldn’t one grow up and get past them? Anna’s neck muscles tensed and a low-grade pounding started in the base of her skull. It reminded her of the headaches she’d endured nearly every day as a child. Jilly might want to delve into things, but it was rarely a good idea.
Anna grabbed her inbox and pulled the papers out. She aligned them and slipped them back in place. She pulled open the drawer to see that all the pencils and pens were arranged according to size and color. She closed it carefully so as not to disturb them.
Anna realized a big part of her being “screwed up” came from being unhappy. Her life and job didn’t fulfill her. She’d loved Rob a long time ago, but that time had well passed. She could finally admit to herself what she’d thought about on the long walk back home after the gala. She wanted out. She wanted to divorce Rob. It wouldn’t be easy. Rob’s mother would declare war on her, but Anna no longer cared. If I leave Rob, will all the worry and stress go away? Will I be normal again? It would be wonderful if that were true, but Anna couldn’t lie to herself. It might start with Rob at this moment, but really it had started with Mamma, and it would end with her.
Anna pulled her Post-It notes from the monitor and arranged them in perfect alignment and spacing around the screen.
Why can’t I just find the kind of life I dreamed about when I left Toronto? Anna must have asked herself that question a thousand times. She had come to Hope for what the name implied and didn’t find it. Jilly had come too, but she’d found it instead. Her husband and little boy were perfect. She grabbed the cloth and cleaning solution from under her desk and scrubbed the surface, her mind racing.
“Anna?” She looked up to see Paul giving her a strange look. “Everything okay?”
“Yes, why?” Anna put the cloth and cleaner away and frowned at him.
“Because you were … nothing. It doesn’t matter. Are you ready for the meeting?”
“Pretty much. I just have to finish up my story,” she replied.
“The one Cliff assigned last week?” Paul arched an eyebrow.
The coffee lurched in her stomach and Anna bolted with a hurried, “Excuse me, I don’t feel well.”
She made it to the toilet just in time. Of course the gossip twins were standing at the sink and they listened to her retch. The humiliation was almost too much. They probably wondered if Anna had gotten pregnant at last. With that thought, the rest of the contents in her stomach come up in a rush. All of this thinking about the past is doing my nerves no good.
Anna wiped her mouth on some toilet paper and sat on the toilet lid to wait, hoping they’d leave her in peace. After listening to them whisper for a while, she gave up and left the stall. Their eyes were like matching laser beams.
“Are you okay?”
“I don’t want to talk about it, okay?” Anna’s voice came out curt, but she didn’t care. The blood pounded in her face, and not all of it came from embarrassment. The bitches!
She didn’t see Paul anywhere when she got back to her desk. She hoped he would stay hidden for a while. Anna moved the mouse to deactivate the screen saver, a slideshow of Italian photos. She’d dreamed of going one day and maybe even meeting her grandfather. Her heart tightened at the thought that she’d missed her chance. He’d probably passed away by now.
Anna opened the
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