Read Online Louise Rennison_Georgia Nicolson 07 by Startled by His Furry Shorts - Free Book Online Page B

silent wailing.
    Well, they can stay outside. Why should I be nice to them? No one is nice to me. Anyway, they just use me for kittykat snacks and molesting and then they go off to play without a second’s thought.
    I hope it snows.
    four minutes later
    That would be quite unusual in mid summer, but it would fit in with my mood.
    And serve the furry freak twins right.
    in my bedroom
10:00 p.m.
    Oh marvelous, the Mads are back. I can hear them singing, “We’re all off to Dublin in the green, in the green” in crap Oirish accents. I must pretend I am asleep. I leapt into bed fully clothed and turned the light off.
    I snuggled down in the bed and my feet touched something furry. Which started to purr. The kittykats!!! How had they snuck into my bed? The tiny top window in my bedroom is open, but how would they get up there? They probably havecat abseiling equipment stashed among Dad’s fishing rods in the shed. Too late to drag them out because I could hear an awful noise coming up the stairs. Please please let it not be Vati coming in to sing Irish songs to me and do sad dancing with his trousers rolled up.
    It was Mutti because I heard her call to Dad, “Bob, make a cup of tea. I’ll put Bibbs to bed and just look in at Georgia.”
    Then I realized what the awful noise was. It was my darling little sister snoring like a stuck pig. The snoring got quieter as Mum went into Libb’s bedroom and I heard her shut the door. Perhaps she would just go away. But no. My door opened and Mum came over to my bed. I could sort of sense her presence with my eyes tight shut. She whispered, “Gee, are you awake?”
    I did a pretendy snore. And that’s when I felt the kittykats stir. Something wet and rough touched my feet. Oh God, it was their tongues. They were licking me with their horrible cat tongues! Urgh urgh. It was soo disgusting, I couldn’t stand it. But I must keep still, I must. It was like in Latin when we learned about Sparta. Two boys from Sparta went out to steal chickensand they saw the farmer coming and so they put the chickens down the front of their trousers (or whatever Sparta people wore).
    The farmer said, “Oy you two lads-us, have-uth you seen-us any of my chickens-us?” (That’s just a rough Latin translation.)
    Anyway, the two boys said, “Your chickens-us? Not us, mate-us.”
    And the farmer said, “Me thinkus you have-uth.”
    And all the time the chickens were pecking and scratching the boys’ trouser snake addenda. Eventually the farmer went off and the boys staggered home, handed over the chickens to their mum and then died of their wounds. And the whole of Sparta honored them because they had not cracked under pressure. As I have said many many times, Latin is crap.
    Where was I? Oh yes, anyway, that is what it was like for me. I was being submitted to tongue torture. And I couldn’t cry out or anything. Mum touched my hair. As she did, the tongues reached the back of my knees. Oh dear God, if they went beyond the knees, I don’t think I could stand it.
    10:10 p.m.
    At last Mum packed it in and left the room. I turned the light on and ripped back the covers to expose the furry leg munchers. I said, “Get out of my bed, NOW!!”
    They were blinking in the light. Angus put one big paw on my leg and let his claws come out. He was looking at me and I was looking at him with my sternest look. I know very well that he understands me. I am, after all, his mistress. I am his huge baldy mistress and he knows it is his duty to do what I say. Otherwise its good-bye kittykat snacks. He looked and looked and then he let the tip of his tongue pop out of his mouth. He was doing the tongue lolling idiot cat thing! Gordy was looking at me with one of his eyes and then he just nodded off and keeled over.
    What was the point?
    Angus settled down and nodded off as well. I didn’t have the energy to do anything about them.
    I pulled