OK, and instead someone came up and said, ‘Would you like me to pray for you?’”
Alice is devastated: “I used to think Nicky was fantastic. He really gave me room to investigate my feelings about the Lord. But now I’m thinking, ‘Just get me away from these weirdos.’ I’ve been dragged all the way out here under false pretenses, and there’s no escape. I am actually very, very upset.”
We turn out to be in the minority, and watch as the new converts file out of the chapel, red-eyed from crying or smiling beatifically. Tony is one such convert, but he is not smiling. In fact, he seems miserable. “Something overwhelmed me,” he says. “I didn’t want it to. I tried to resist it, but I couldn’t.”
“What was it?” I ask.
“The Holy Spirit,” says Tony.
“What did it feel like?”
“Like when you’re trying not to cry but you can’t help yourself. I was thinking of all the reasons why I didn’t want it to happen—you know, the Christian lifestyle—and then Nicky came over to me and started whispering in my ear.”
“What did he say?”
“He said, ‘I sense that you have had a Christian experience in the past.’ And that rocked my world, because I have, and I didn’t tell anyone. That’s why I came on Alpha. I wanted to decide, once and for all, yes or no. And . . .” Tony sighs discontentedly. “God spoke to me just now. He said, ‘You can come back.’”
• • •
BACK IN LONDON the next Wednesday, Nicky’s topic is “Spiritual Warfare: How Can I Resist the Devil?” He says that the Devil’s tricks include planting doubts; I wonder if he is referring to those people, such as Alice and me, who doubted the power of tongues. Then I think, “Maybe the Devil really is planting doubts in my mind. I am becoming increasingly anti-Nicky. Is Satan working within me?” I conclude that I have been on this story for a long time and perhaps need a few weeks off. Nicky turns up the heat. He says we must not take an unhealthy interest in horror movies, Ouija boards, palmists, healers, and so on. These are the Devil’s tools.
Later, in the small group, a woman called Suzanne asks a question. She didn’t speak in tongues in Kidderminster but she did burst into tears. “I went to a clairvoyant a few weeks ago,” says Suzanne. “That surely can’t be a sin.”
“I’m afraid it is,” says Nicky.
“Really?”
“I would actually ask God for forgiveness for that,” says Nicky.
“Oh, come on,” snorts Suzanne. “Where does the Bible say that?”
“Deuteronomy,” says Nicky.
“Oh,” says Suzanne.
“Poor Suzanne,” whispers Alice to me, “being made to feel guilty about going to some silly clairvoyant.”
The atmosphere has changed.
“Things are coming to the boil,” says Alice. “Can’t you feel the screws being tightened?”
“How are you feeling?” I ask her.
“Judged,” she says.
Annie is no longer freaked-out about speaking in tongues. She feels instead that she experienced God’s love in Kidderminster. “It was the most beautiful experience of my life,” she says. At first, she hated it, but now she realizes that her perception was wrong and that the tongue speakers are the lucky ones. Annie can now speak in tongues.
Nicky asks Tony to tell the group what happened to him in Kidderminster, but he quietly replies, “No comment.”
Then Alice confronts Nicky. She tells him she felt trapped in Kidderminster. “It was group pressure. I am very, very upset. I know that you’re looking at me like I’m a failure.”
Nicky smiles. “Nothing could be further from the truth. We simply want to create a nonthreatening, nonjudgmental environment.”
“Judged is what I feel,” says Alice.
“Then we have failed,” says Nicky.
Later that night, Nicky holds me back for a moment. I think he’s concerned about how I responded to the tongues. After my Joel mini-testimony, I presume he hoped that I, too, would speak in them.
“Some
Alice is devastated: “I used to think Nicky was fantastic. He really gave me room to investigate my feelings about the Lord. But now I’m thinking, ‘Just get me away from these weirdos.’ I’ve been dragged all the way out here under false pretenses, and there’s no escape. I am actually very, very upset.”
We turn out to be in the minority, and watch as the new converts file out of the chapel, red-eyed from crying or smiling beatifically. Tony is one such convert, but he is not smiling. In fact, he seems miserable. “Something overwhelmed me,” he says. “I didn’t want it to. I tried to resist it, but I couldn’t.”
“What was it?” I ask.
“The Holy Spirit,” says Tony.
“What did it feel like?”
“Like when you’re trying not to cry but you can’t help yourself. I was thinking of all the reasons why I didn’t want it to happen—you know, the Christian lifestyle—and then Nicky came over to me and started whispering in my ear.”
“What did he say?”
“He said, ‘I sense that you have had a Christian experience in the past.’ And that rocked my world, because I have, and I didn’t tell anyone. That’s why I came on Alpha. I wanted to decide, once and for all, yes or no. And . . .” Tony sighs discontentedly. “God spoke to me just now. He said, ‘You can come back.’”
• • •
BACK IN LONDON the next Wednesday, Nicky’s topic is “Spiritual Warfare: How Can I Resist the Devil?” He says that the Devil’s tricks include planting doubts; I wonder if he is referring to those people, such as Alice and me, who doubted the power of tongues. Then I think, “Maybe the Devil really is planting doubts in my mind. I am becoming increasingly anti-Nicky. Is Satan working within me?” I conclude that I have been on this story for a long time and perhaps need a few weeks off. Nicky turns up the heat. He says we must not take an unhealthy interest in horror movies, Ouija boards, palmists, healers, and so on. These are the Devil’s tools.
Later, in the small group, a woman called Suzanne asks a question. She didn’t speak in tongues in Kidderminster but she did burst into tears. “I went to a clairvoyant a few weeks ago,” says Suzanne. “That surely can’t be a sin.”
“I’m afraid it is,” says Nicky.
“Really?”
“I would actually ask God for forgiveness for that,” says Nicky.
“Oh, come on,” snorts Suzanne. “Where does the Bible say that?”
“Deuteronomy,” says Nicky.
“Oh,” says Suzanne.
“Poor Suzanne,” whispers Alice to me, “being made to feel guilty about going to some silly clairvoyant.”
The atmosphere has changed.
“Things are coming to the boil,” says Alice. “Can’t you feel the screws being tightened?”
“How are you feeling?” I ask her.
“Judged,” she says.
Annie is no longer freaked-out about speaking in tongues. She feels instead that she experienced God’s love in Kidderminster. “It was the most beautiful experience of my life,” she says. At first, she hated it, but now she realizes that her perception was wrong and that the tongue speakers are the lucky ones. Annie can now speak in tongues.
Nicky asks Tony to tell the group what happened to him in Kidderminster, but he quietly replies, “No comment.”
Then Alice confronts Nicky. She tells him she felt trapped in Kidderminster. “It was group pressure. I am very, very upset. I know that you’re looking at me like I’m a failure.”
Nicky smiles. “Nothing could be further from the truth. We simply want to create a nonthreatening, nonjudgmental environment.”
“Judged is what I feel,” says Alice.
“Then we have failed,” says Nicky.
Later that night, Nicky holds me back for a moment. I think he’s concerned about how I responded to the tongues. After my Joel mini-testimony, I presume he hoped that I, too, would speak in them.
“Some
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