Oliver turned to Alfie.
‘So?’ Alfie said.
‘So?’
‘What’s the deal?’
‘You mean with my dad? Don’t let’s even go there.’
Alfie grinned. ‘Seems Thea’s impressed with him, even if you aren’t. I went on your Facebook page.’
Groaning as he rolled his eyes, Oliver said, ‘What the hell’s she on about, famous? He gave up all the reporting and news-reading crap over ten years ago.’
‘I’ll lay money it’s her mother who’s getting the hots. You know what women are like about celebs, and even if he’s not one now, what counts is that he was once.’
Oliver laughed. ‘He’d go mental if he heard you call him a celeb. He hates all that stuff.’
Alfie shrugged. ‘If it’s going to work for you ... What the hell?’ he exclaimed as Jerome suddenly burst into the room. ‘Didn’t any of you guys ever hear about knocking?’
‘Knock, knock,’ Jerome cried breathlessly. ‘Oliver, man,let me at the computer. We can’t miss this. What’s the time?’
Alfie glanced at the clock. ‘Eleven thirty-one, precise enough for you?’
‘Shit, it’s already started. Come on, Oliver, let me in.’
‘What’s happening?’ Oliver grumbled, vacating the chair.
‘Lisa Amos is filming someone having a Brazilian at half eleven and if anyone can guess who it is, we get to go with her at Lisa’s twenty-first the Saturday after next.’
Oliver and Alfie looked at one another. ‘What the hell’s he talking about?’ Alfie wanted to know.
‘God knows,’ Oliver answered.
‘Here it is!’ Jerome shouted, sitting back as a slightly blurry image came up on the screen.
Oliver and Alfie came to peer over his shoulder. ‘What’s a Brazilian?’ Alfie murmured.
‘It’s a girl thing, to do with waxing,’ Jerome explained.
‘Exactly what are we looking at?’ Oliver demanded.
Jerome didn’t seem entirely sure, until the webcam pulled back and the shot gained focus.
‘Oh my God,’ Alfie murmured, his eyes starting to bulge. ‘Is that what I think it is?’
Jerome was grinning and nodding. ‘Pussy,’ he declared, with great satisfaction. ‘Any idea who it belongs to?’
Alfie and Oliver were mute.
‘Come on you guys, you’ve got to fill me in if you know, because it’s the only way ... Shit, what are? Someone’s only covering it up.’
The three of them watched, mesmerised, as two delicate hands patted a long white strip over one half of the anonymous girl’s genitals.
‘Are you ready?’ a female voice asked off camera.
‘Ready,’ Jerome whispered.
‘She’s not talking to you, you idiot,’ Alfie told him. ‘Oh my God, what the?’ Instinctively they all three clasped their hands to their groins. ‘Tell me that didn’t just happen,’ Alfie muttered.
‘I think it did,’ Oliver responded. ‘Look, no hair on one side.’
‘Seriously mental,’ Jerome added. ‘Shit man, I have sogot to find out who she is. It’s my only chance of getting some action.’ He looked at Oliver. ‘Do you recognise her?’
Oliver was incredulous. ‘Yeah, like this is how I always identify women.’
‘I’m guessing it’s a friend of Lisa’s,’ Alfie said helpfully. ‘I mean, if she’s going to the party.’
‘She’s a babe,’ Jerome declared. ‘You can tell, can’t you, you don’t even have to see her face.’
Alfie and Oliver exploded with laughter. ‘Sure, she’s a babe,’ Oliver agreed, ‘and because we’re such great mates of yours, we’re going to put ourselves on a mission to find out exactly who she is, and when we do, Jerome, my friend, she’ll be all yours.’
Chapter Four
‘HEY, MUM, IT’S me,’ Lauren cried into the phone. ‘Did you remember to pick up my car?’
Juggling her mobile as she unloaded her shopping trolley on to the conveyor belt, Emma said, ‘I’ve just been and the problem’s fixed, so it’ll be waiting when you get back from London. Is everything OK with you?’
‘Yeah, cool. Got a ton of revising to do. Where are
‘So?’ Alfie said.
‘So?’
‘What’s the deal?’
‘You mean with my dad? Don’t let’s even go there.’
Alfie grinned. ‘Seems Thea’s impressed with him, even if you aren’t. I went on your Facebook page.’
Groaning as he rolled his eyes, Oliver said, ‘What the hell’s she on about, famous? He gave up all the reporting and news-reading crap over ten years ago.’
‘I’ll lay money it’s her mother who’s getting the hots. You know what women are like about celebs, and even if he’s not one now, what counts is that he was once.’
Oliver laughed. ‘He’d go mental if he heard you call him a celeb. He hates all that stuff.’
Alfie shrugged. ‘If it’s going to work for you ... What the hell?’ he exclaimed as Jerome suddenly burst into the room. ‘Didn’t any of you guys ever hear about knocking?’
‘Knock, knock,’ Jerome cried breathlessly. ‘Oliver, man,let me at the computer. We can’t miss this. What’s the time?’
Alfie glanced at the clock. ‘Eleven thirty-one, precise enough for you?’
‘Shit, it’s already started. Come on, Oliver, let me in.’
‘What’s happening?’ Oliver grumbled, vacating the chair.
‘Lisa Amos is filming someone having a Brazilian at half eleven and if anyone can guess who it is, we get to go with her at Lisa’s twenty-first the Saturday after next.’
Oliver and Alfie looked at one another. ‘What the hell’s he talking about?’ Alfie wanted to know.
‘God knows,’ Oliver answered.
‘Here it is!’ Jerome shouted, sitting back as a slightly blurry image came up on the screen.
Oliver and Alfie came to peer over his shoulder. ‘What’s a Brazilian?’ Alfie murmured.
‘It’s a girl thing, to do with waxing,’ Jerome explained.
‘Exactly what are we looking at?’ Oliver demanded.
Jerome didn’t seem entirely sure, until the webcam pulled back and the shot gained focus.
‘Oh my God,’ Alfie murmured, his eyes starting to bulge. ‘Is that what I think it is?’
Jerome was grinning and nodding. ‘Pussy,’ he declared, with great satisfaction. ‘Any idea who it belongs to?’
Alfie and Oliver were mute.
‘Come on you guys, you’ve got to fill me in if you know, because it’s the only way ... Shit, what are? Someone’s only covering it up.’
The three of them watched, mesmerised, as two delicate hands patted a long white strip over one half of the anonymous girl’s genitals.
‘Are you ready?’ a female voice asked off camera.
‘Ready,’ Jerome whispered.
‘She’s not talking to you, you idiot,’ Alfie told him. ‘Oh my God, what the?’ Instinctively they all three clasped their hands to their groins. ‘Tell me that didn’t just happen,’ Alfie muttered.
‘I think it did,’ Oliver responded. ‘Look, no hair on one side.’
‘Seriously mental,’ Jerome added. ‘Shit man, I have sogot to find out who she is. It’s my only chance of getting some action.’ He looked at Oliver. ‘Do you recognise her?’
Oliver was incredulous. ‘Yeah, like this is how I always identify women.’
‘I’m guessing it’s a friend of Lisa’s,’ Alfie said helpfully. ‘I mean, if she’s going to the party.’
‘She’s a babe,’ Jerome declared. ‘You can tell, can’t you, you don’t even have to see her face.’
Alfie and Oliver exploded with laughter. ‘Sure, she’s a babe,’ Oliver agreed, ‘and because we’re such great mates of yours, we’re going to put ourselves on a mission to find out exactly who she is, and when we do, Jerome, my friend, she’ll be all yours.’
Chapter Four
‘HEY, MUM, IT’S me,’ Lauren cried into the phone. ‘Did you remember to pick up my car?’
Juggling her mobile as she unloaded her shopping trolley on to the conveyor belt, Emma said, ‘I’ve just been and the problem’s fixed, so it’ll be waiting when you get back from London. Is everything OK with you?’
‘Yeah, cool. Got a ton of revising to do. Where are
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