Read Online Lockdown (AM13 Outbreak Series) by Samie Sands - Free Book Online Page B
Authors: Samie Sands
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family. I make a snap decision that as soon as all of this is over, I’m going to take some holiday and go see them—whether I’m wanted or not. It suddenly feels like the last six months since I’ve visited have been forever. I would give anything right now to see their friendly faces…
***
I let out a high sigh as I walk through the door of my flat that evening. I glance around at all of my belongings, wondering when I’ll see them again. Then it hits me these things aren’t vital. I’ve never been particularly materialistic, but now is the very time to push these thoughts out of my brain forever. Now is the time to focus on exactly what’s important.
I pick up the phone and quickly dial my mum’s number. I want to talk to her without the tension we had before. I want to go into this quarantine on good terms with everyone. As I listen to her chatter away, I can’t help but smile. Normally I’d be hurrying her along; too busy to listen. Usually I’d spend most of the conversation moaning about my silly problems. I guess I can add selfish to the list of faults I’m now realising. Once all of this is over, that’s something I’ll definitely address.
After we hang up over an hour later, I ring my cousin Ethan, without even considering it. He doesn’t live too far from my parents, so maybe after I’ve visited them, I’ll go to see him too. We were always close as kids—he’s a similar age to me, so I was closer to him than my brother—but as we grew up, we sort of drifted apart.
Okay, in the spirit of being honest, I stopped hanging out with him. He was always a little weird—he’d get really obsessed with things, like germs and cleaning. This was always there, but it became increasingly noticeable as he hit puberty. When we reached high school, my new friends thought he was geeky and mocked him constantly. I should have stood up for him, but I didn’t. I should have supported him in what I can clearly see now was a difficult time for him, but again I thought only of myself. Even as adults, it’s been difficult to get our relationship back after that.
I’m over the moon to hear how well his life is going. He has a great job and a fiancée. I can’t believe the person I used to spend every moment of my days with has been engaged for months and I haven’t even met her. Emotion rolls over me and tears stream down my cheeks.
“I’ll come and see you soon!” I promise.
“Sure, okay,” he says sullenly. I don’t know why, but it feels like he’s saying goodbye to me forever. I want to reassure him, to tell him it’s all going to be all right, but I wouldn’t know where to begin. Plus, he’s already hung up anyway.
Although, deep, deep down, in the place where I hide all my secrets and problems I don’t want to face, I know that’s not what I believe at all. The hollow feeling in my chest tells me I kind of think that tomorrow really is the end of everything. Maybe not the end for everyone—more just for me. Maybe this feeling is all to do with the fact that after tomorrow, my life is going to be in tatters and no one will want to know me anymore.
Just before I head to bed I realise I haven’t yet packed my suitcase for the Lockdown. I grab a few things haphazardly and toss them into a bag. “It’s only going to be for a few days,” I murmur. If I convince myself that as soon as everyone is inside, they’ll realise what a mistake they’ve made and let everyone out again, I might just survive this without going insane.
So, with that in mind, it really doesn’t matter what I take with me. I don’t even care what I’ll look like when I’m there. I just grab the first clothes I find and a couple of books. It isn’t exactly like I’m going to worry about impressing my co-workers. Not even Jake.
I’m quite pleased with my casual attitude as I lay in bed. I feel like by taking such a slack attitude towards it all, I’m doing something positive. But then, just as I’m
***
I let out a high sigh as I walk through the door of my flat that evening. I glance around at all of my belongings, wondering when I’ll see them again. Then it hits me these things aren’t vital. I’ve never been particularly materialistic, but now is the very time to push these thoughts out of my brain forever. Now is the time to focus on exactly what’s important.
I pick up the phone and quickly dial my mum’s number. I want to talk to her without the tension we had before. I want to go into this quarantine on good terms with everyone. As I listen to her chatter away, I can’t help but smile. Normally I’d be hurrying her along; too busy to listen. Usually I’d spend most of the conversation moaning about my silly problems. I guess I can add selfish to the list of faults I’m now realising. Once all of this is over, that’s something I’ll definitely address.
After we hang up over an hour later, I ring my cousin Ethan, without even considering it. He doesn’t live too far from my parents, so maybe after I’ve visited them, I’ll go to see him too. We were always close as kids—he’s a similar age to me, so I was closer to him than my brother—but as we grew up, we sort of drifted apart.
Okay, in the spirit of being honest, I stopped hanging out with him. He was always a little weird—he’d get really obsessed with things, like germs and cleaning. This was always there, but it became increasingly noticeable as he hit puberty. When we reached high school, my new friends thought he was geeky and mocked him constantly. I should have stood up for him, but I didn’t. I should have supported him in what I can clearly see now was a difficult time for him, but again I thought only of myself. Even as adults, it’s been difficult to get our relationship back after that.
I’m over the moon to hear how well his life is going. He has a great job and a fiancée. I can’t believe the person I used to spend every moment of my days with has been engaged for months and I haven’t even met her. Emotion rolls over me and tears stream down my cheeks.
“I’ll come and see you soon!” I promise.
“Sure, okay,” he says sullenly. I don’t know why, but it feels like he’s saying goodbye to me forever. I want to reassure him, to tell him it’s all going to be all right, but I wouldn’t know where to begin. Plus, he’s already hung up anyway.
Although, deep, deep down, in the place where I hide all my secrets and problems I don’t want to face, I know that’s not what I believe at all. The hollow feeling in my chest tells me I kind of think that tomorrow really is the end of everything. Maybe not the end for everyone—more just for me. Maybe this feeling is all to do with the fact that after tomorrow, my life is going to be in tatters and no one will want to know me anymore.
Just before I head to bed I realise I haven’t yet packed my suitcase for the Lockdown. I grab a few things haphazardly and toss them into a bag. “It’s only going to be for a few days,” I murmur. If I convince myself that as soon as everyone is inside, they’ll realise what a mistake they’ve made and let everyone out again, I might just survive this without going insane.
So, with that in mind, it really doesn’t matter what I take with me. I don’t even care what I’ll look like when I’m there. I just grab the first clothes I find and a couple of books. It isn’t exactly like I’m going to worry about impressing my co-workers. Not even Jake.
I’m quite pleased with my casual attitude as I lay in bed. I feel like by taking such a slack attitude towards it all, I’m doing something positive. But then, just as I’m
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