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television—regular television—before the lizard programs. They aren’t regular humans—it’s hard to explain—something about them doesn’t make sense. They seem to—they seem to—”
    Charlie finished the thought for me. “They seem to be going through the motions of being humans without really meaning it or understanding it.”
    “That’s it,” I said. “They’re real, but they’re not. It got me thinking about this movie where pods from space come down, and replicas of the real people come out and replace everyone.”
    “I’ve seen the movie,” Charlie said. “Everyone has. It’s an excellent film, but not entirely accurate. You see, the pod people, as you like to call them, are not from another planet. They are ordinary people who have developed in a certain way. It can happen to anyone, if they’re unlucky.”
    “That’s even scarier than being invaded from space,” I said. I thought about the stupid people on the talk show. I was worried that it could happen to me. It had happened to my sister.
    “What makes people get that way?” I asked.
    “Nobody seems to know,” Charlie said. “There’s a lot of it going around. My personal belief is that it comes from eating too much prepackaged food, but that’s just a little theory of mine.”
    “It’s a serious problem, isn’t it?” I asked.
    “Oh yes, it’s a problem, but it doesn’t do to worry about it too much. Somehow, people who get all concerned about podism usually seem to wind up catching it.” Charlie’s voice was trailing off. He was looking at the rhinoceros. “You know, the white rhino isn’t white at all. He’s a grayish color like any other rhinoceros,” Charlie was saying. He was off again. “The term ‘white’ is derived from the Afrikaans word
weit
or ‘wide,’ having to do with the wide or squarish shape of the lip, thus distinguishing the white rhino from the black rhino, which isn’t black but gray and has a pointed or prehensile upper lip.”
    “What about the lizards?” I asked. You just have to ignore it when Charlie gets off the subject.
    “Umm? What’s that?” Charlie asked.
    “The lizards,” I said. “You said that the lizards come from outer space.”
    “In a way, in a way they do. It might be more proper to say they come from
other
space.”
    I was having a hard time making any sense out of what Charlie was saying. “Are you explaining or guiding?” I asked.
    “Explaining. Why?” Charlie asked.
    “I just wanted to know if I was going to have to pay for any of this,” I said.
    “No, no, as I told you, there is no charge for explanations. However, there is a charge for guiding. I’m a licensed guide,” Charlie said. “Does this mean that you’re ready to start out?”
    “Start out? Where to?” I asked.
    “To find the lizards,” Charlie said.
    “How much will it cost?” I asked. I was pretty sure that the explanations had gone about as far as they were going to go.
    “Two-fifty per day—you bring your own lunch,” Charlie said.
    “Let’s go,” I said.
    Charlie looked at his watch. “It’s almost five o’clock. Claudia and I have a show to do on the Clark Street bus. I’ll meet you in the A.M. at Shane Fergussen’s candy store,” Charlie said. With that Charlie took off. He had a kind of sideways style of running.
    There was nothing to do but go home and wait for the A.M. The zoo was about to close anyway. The McDonaldsville bus was crowded with commuters coming home from work. When I got home there were two postcards in the mailbox, one from Mom and Dad and one from Leslie. They were both about the same—having fun, wish you were here, etc.—except that Leslie’s card also said, “If you ever tell, I’ll kill you.”
    I had some time before the news. I thought about what to have for supper. I looked in the freezer. The neat rows of TV dinners in boxes turned me off. I thought about what Charlie had said. I didn’t really understand what he meant by