springing it on you.”
“It’s fine.” I rose with my food. “Carry on, privates.” I tipped my head at them.
They might have been swearing at me behind my back, but I didn’t care. The hall was full of empty tables and I looked for one quiet and far away. Then, I spotted a more interesting option.
I took my tray over to the seat across from Dennis. His face was calm as polished wood and his eyes were half shut. He seemed lost in the bliss of his food.
“This seat open?” I asked.
Dennis looked up, mouth full, like a startled chipmunk.
“Sure…” he said.
I sat down and continued eating. I didn’t have anything to say. Dennis would understand. He had been in combat. He knew that being in the presence of the right people was enough of a relief.
After a while though, he spoke up. “Everything going ok?”
“Ok enough.”
“So why are you here?”
I looked up with a fork to my mouth. “To eat.”
“But with me?” He glanced over my shoulder. “What about your boys back there?”
My hands trembled. Was I getting rejected here too? I had earned it, but I thought our bond went deeper.
“They’re not my boys,” I said. “Where’d you hear that?”
Dennis barked out a laugh. “Man, every black and brown fool here knows the crowd you run with.”
“It’s that obvious?”
“Not you. That kid that follows you always run his mouth off though. It ain’t hard to put two and two together.”
I sighed. “I really wish they’d stop following me.”
Dennis laughed and forked in some green beans. “Guess you just got that primo Aryan look to you.”
“I’m not blond,” I said.
“No.” He looked me over and shook his head. “I got a cousin who does hair though. He can fix that right up.”
I chuckled. “I don’t get it. If you knew, why don’t you treat me like shit? Fuck, you even stood up to Montego for me.”
“Hey, I will stand up for any nazi-ass white boy against an MP, alright? Short of, you know, actual murder and genocide. That’s the soldier’s code.”
“Hoo-ah,” I said, still smiling. “That’s quite a code you got there.”
Dennis’s beaming face suddenly went very flat. “It’s a new one, you know. It’s one I’ve had time to make while I was recovering back in the VA med center north of the city.”
I swallowed my food and squared myself. I had never known what happened to Dennis after he was evacuated, only that he survived.
“That’s where you were rehabilitated?” I asked.
He nodded heavily. “Rehabilitated, because someone didn’t let me die.”
I said nothing for a while, then shrugged. “I’m glad you didn’t.”
Dennis rolled his eyes. “Glad, my ass. Man, you like to be all fucking cool, don’t you? I’m saying I owe you my life.”
I swallowed hard. “You don’t owe me shit, private.”
“Yeah, I know that, too. But I do owe you a chance to break bread.” He forked another piece of meat into his mouth and chewed thoughtfully. “So you want to know why I don’t treat you bad cause of who you are? Cause when it came down to it, you did the same damn thing for me.”
My mood was flying all over the place today. I couldn’t do anything more than put food silently in my mouth for a while. Maybe by body always knew deep down what I’d always been too dumb to admit. Even as the Soldiers descended into naked racism and violence, I had stayed clean.
But my words could not be so easily forgiven.
“I don’t know, man,” I said, shaking my head. “I’ve hurt people. Words can be harsher than a fist or a blade.”
Dennis shrugged. “Maybe, but it doesn’t matter. You’ve never said any to me. Actions, they always speak the truth if you see them enough. And I’ve seen enough of who you are to know you’re a guy to be trusted.”
It was hard eating at all after that.
Instead I wondered how I could ever show Rosa. She said she wanted just words, but I owed her more than a yes or no. I owed her penance.
Even if she
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