very least offer the best mental help. I had told the doctor about Tess’ problems with anorexia nervosa. I give them the name of the physiatrist Tess had seen in the past, the doctor who prescribed the Zaleplon.
It was early morning when I got back home. Mike was there with my kids. He was awake but my kids were still asleep. I was walking in a fog. I was exhausted with my thoughts.
Mike agreed to take my kids over to his place so I could get some sleep. I packed them a bag and I went into my bedroom and locked myself inside.
It was three o’clock when my eyes popped open. I didn’t know where I was, Kari’s bed, the hotel, the office. I was at home in my own bed. It felt different, unfamiliar. I showered and got dressed. I called Mike to check on my kids. I briefly spoke to Hannah. Hearing her voice made this dreaded day a little less gloomy. I had to go back to the hospital and talk to Tess.
I arrived at the hospital and was led to a private room. It was like any other hospital room. It had a bed, a TV, chairs, a desk, and a small bathroom. The difference was it is locked away and I could only get to it with an escort that had a badge to unlock the three sets of double doors.
Tess was sitting up in bed. She refused to look at me as I entered.
“Tess,” I called out but she just stared up at the TV screen mounted to the wall in the far corner. She may be drugged or she may be just ignoring me. I sat on the edge of the bed. I looked her dead on and even if she wouldn’t look at me she would hear me. I leaned in and hugged her tightly. I kissed her cheek and she stiffened.
“The kids are at Mike’s.”
Her eyes left the TV and found me. “Did you tell them?”
“No, I called Mike’s and talked to Hannah. I told her you have a cold and it’s contagious so you had to leave the house so they wouldn’t catch it.” That was exactly what I told Hannah.
“What do you have to say?” She murmured.
“What do you want me to say?”
“I don’t know.”
“I just want you to get well so you can come home.”
“Are you going to ask me why?”
“Do you want to tell me?” I took her hands in mine.
“No.”
“Well that’s fine.”
“You hurt me.”
“I know and I will never do it again. If I hurt you, you can’t hurt yourself. Do you understand the kids need you? I need you. If you ever feel this way again you can hurt me, slap me, punch me, stab me. The kids need you more than they need me.”
“I want to be a good mother.”
“You are a good mother, the best.”
A tear rolled down her cheek. “I will never do that again.”
“I know, it was just an accident. Just do whatever the doctors say so you can come home after the seventy-two hours is up.”
“Okay.”
I wiped her tears. “Don’t cry. Everything will be fine. I love you. You will get better soon and we’ll make it through this. I promise. This is a chance for you to rest up and get better. When you come home I will take care of you.”
I stayed with Tess as long as I was permitted, most of the time we were silent. Tess was worried that people would think she was crazy. I told her I didn’t tell anyone other than Mike and Karen. Mike told Melissa but Tess’ parents, her sister and my mom were spared this brush with death info. This was a huge relief to Tess. She tried to kill herself and now she’s embarrassed. This makes no sense to me.
I had hard decisions to make. I so desperately wanted things to go back to normal.
*****
Tess ’ seventy-two hours was almost up. Since she had adhered to the testing, treatment and therapy the doctor had no problem releasing her as long as she agreed to take her prescribed meds, 10mg of Escitalopram. She also had to keep her recently scheduled appointment to see her previous psychiatrist. Mike had been taking care of things at the office. I only went in briefly to sign a few contracts. I didn’t want to overwhelm Tess so I planned on taking my kids over to my mom’s to
It was early morning when I got back home. Mike was there with my kids. He was awake but my kids were still asleep. I was walking in a fog. I was exhausted with my thoughts.
Mike agreed to take my kids over to his place so I could get some sleep. I packed them a bag and I went into my bedroom and locked myself inside.
It was three o’clock when my eyes popped open. I didn’t know where I was, Kari’s bed, the hotel, the office. I was at home in my own bed. It felt different, unfamiliar. I showered and got dressed. I called Mike to check on my kids. I briefly spoke to Hannah. Hearing her voice made this dreaded day a little less gloomy. I had to go back to the hospital and talk to Tess.
I arrived at the hospital and was led to a private room. It was like any other hospital room. It had a bed, a TV, chairs, a desk, and a small bathroom. The difference was it is locked away and I could only get to it with an escort that had a badge to unlock the three sets of double doors.
Tess was sitting up in bed. She refused to look at me as I entered.
“Tess,” I called out but she just stared up at the TV screen mounted to the wall in the far corner. She may be drugged or she may be just ignoring me. I sat on the edge of the bed. I looked her dead on and even if she wouldn’t look at me she would hear me. I leaned in and hugged her tightly. I kissed her cheek and she stiffened.
“The kids are at Mike’s.”
Her eyes left the TV and found me. “Did you tell them?”
“No, I called Mike’s and talked to Hannah. I told her you have a cold and it’s contagious so you had to leave the house so they wouldn’t catch it.” That was exactly what I told Hannah.
“What do you have to say?” She murmured.
“What do you want me to say?”
“I don’t know.”
“I just want you to get well so you can come home.”
“Are you going to ask me why?”
“Do you want to tell me?” I took her hands in mine.
“No.”
“Well that’s fine.”
“You hurt me.”
“I know and I will never do it again. If I hurt you, you can’t hurt yourself. Do you understand the kids need you? I need you. If you ever feel this way again you can hurt me, slap me, punch me, stab me. The kids need you more than they need me.”
“I want to be a good mother.”
“You are a good mother, the best.”
A tear rolled down her cheek. “I will never do that again.”
“I know, it was just an accident. Just do whatever the doctors say so you can come home after the seventy-two hours is up.”
“Okay.”
I wiped her tears. “Don’t cry. Everything will be fine. I love you. You will get better soon and we’ll make it through this. I promise. This is a chance for you to rest up and get better. When you come home I will take care of you.”
I stayed with Tess as long as I was permitted, most of the time we were silent. Tess was worried that people would think she was crazy. I told her I didn’t tell anyone other than Mike and Karen. Mike told Melissa but Tess’ parents, her sister and my mom were spared this brush with death info. This was a huge relief to Tess. She tried to kill herself and now she’s embarrassed. This makes no sense to me.
I had hard decisions to make. I so desperately wanted things to go back to normal.
*****
Tess ’ seventy-two hours was almost up. Since she had adhered to the testing, treatment and therapy the doctor had no problem releasing her as long as she agreed to take her prescribed meds, 10mg of Escitalopram. She also had to keep her recently scheduled appointment to see her previous psychiatrist. Mike had been taking care of things at the office. I only went in briefly to sign a few contracts. I didn’t want to overwhelm Tess so I planned on taking my kids over to my mom’s to
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