near.
She looked up and smiled and I faked surprise
at finding her there.
‘Hello.’
‘Hello,’ I mumbled. ‘So this is where you
come!’ My words sounded predatory and I wished them back.
‘Yes,’ she said thoughtfully. ‘Did you follow
me?’
‘No,’ I said quickly. ‘I was on the way to the
market.’
‘But the market is in the other direction.’
Idiot , I thought, and quickly attempted
to change her train of thought.
‘I didn’t know you wrote,’ I said stiffly.
‘Do you think that all servants are
illiterate?’
‘Oh no,’ I stumbled. But by then I wished that
I had not stopped at all. How could a girl have such an effect on me? None of
the daughters of neighbouring landowners had shown such intelligence; very few
even wrote.
I proceeded to walk on but it was Lilah who
showed a presence well beyond her years.
‘I’m so sorry, sir,’ she said. ‘I did not mean
to sound so rude. I was taught well by Arianne and other sisters at the
monastery. Forgive me, please.’
I could see that she was perhaps concerned
about losing her placement within our household by insulting the son of her
employer. I found myself by her side assuring her that no offense was taken and
pleased to be closer than we had been before.
She told me then about the monastery, about
being abandoned and how she was sad when her employment had come to an end due
to overcrowding. She was totally engaging and not short of a word, something
rare for a servant girl. Even her speech was refined. She gave no reason but it
was clear that Arianne had encouraged her to come here. That concerned me a
little given my sister’s attitude toward her family, but perhaps, like me, she
had thought that what was in the past would stay there.
My coughing fit could not have come at a worst
time and it took several minutes to recover. She had stood by patiently, even placing
a hand on my shoulder in concern. When she removed it I still felt the warmth
there.
‘You are very sick,’ she said.
‘No,’ I lied. ‘It is nothing.’ The look in her
eyes told me that my lie was exposed but it seemed to me it was the first time
she had fully taken me in. Just for a moment there had been a
connection between us, a moment when everything else faded. She felt it
too and we both smiled.
I asked that if she was writing to Arianne to
pass on my kind wishes, and leaving her to her task was the courteous thing to
do.
After that, words between us became easier. I
made a point to be in the same public rooms where she cleaned, and I noticed on
occasion her cheeks were reddened at my appearances.
Then two things happened to affect my newfound
happiness. The nights became colder and my brother returned.
Andrew was the more handsome by far and he had
been the source of much distress with past maids. How many girls had been let
go because they were found to be in the family way by my brother. The pattern
was that mother would cry when she learned of it and father would get angry and
pay the girl, and sometimes not. Now with his return I wondered two things:
whether Lilah might fall for his fallacious charm as did others; and given that
Andrew was now betrothed to a pretty but shallow girl from a noble family,
whether he would now turn his attentions to piety and abstain from such
debauchery.
I soon had my answer. For the first couple of
days following Andrew’s return, he slept and ate and noticed very little around
him. Then at breakfast one morning we had been discussing the date of father’s
return when Lilah entered. It was Danika’s free day and Lilah was helping serve
tea. Andrew lost track of our conversation and focused on the girl trying to
get a glimpse of her ankles under her full skirts. Lilah left quickly and I
could not tell whether she was aware of the scrutiny.
‘What’s her name again?’
I answered reluctantly and he was too vain to
pick up the slowness in my response.
Another day passed and I saw that my brother
was finding,
She looked up and smiled and I faked surprise
at finding her there.
‘Hello.’
‘Hello,’ I mumbled. ‘So this is where you
come!’ My words sounded predatory and I wished them back.
‘Yes,’ she said thoughtfully. ‘Did you follow
me?’
‘No,’ I said quickly. ‘I was on the way to the
market.’
‘But the market is in the other direction.’
Idiot , I thought, and quickly attempted
to change her train of thought.
‘I didn’t know you wrote,’ I said stiffly.
‘Do you think that all servants are
illiterate?’
‘Oh no,’ I stumbled. But by then I wished that
I had not stopped at all. How could a girl have such an effect on me? None of
the daughters of neighbouring landowners had shown such intelligence; very few
even wrote.
I proceeded to walk on but it was Lilah who
showed a presence well beyond her years.
‘I’m so sorry, sir,’ she said. ‘I did not mean
to sound so rude. I was taught well by Arianne and other sisters at the
monastery. Forgive me, please.’
I could see that she was perhaps concerned
about losing her placement within our household by insulting the son of her
employer. I found myself by her side assuring her that no offense was taken and
pleased to be closer than we had been before.
She told me then about the monastery, about
being abandoned and how she was sad when her employment had come to an end due
to overcrowding. She was totally engaging and not short of a word, something
rare for a servant girl. Even her speech was refined. She gave no reason but it
was clear that Arianne had encouraged her to come here. That concerned me a
little given my sister’s attitude toward her family, but perhaps, like me, she
had thought that what was in the past would stay there.
My coughing fit could not have come at a worst
time and it took several minutes to recover. She had stood by patiently, even placing
a hand on my shoulder in concern. When she removed it I still felt the warmth
there.
‘You are very sick,’ she said.
‘No,’ I lied. ‘It is nothing.’ The look in her
eyes told me that my lie was exposed but it seemed to me it was the first time
she had fully taken me in. Just for a moment there had been a
connection between us, a moment when everything else faded. She felt it
too and we both smiled.
I asked that if she was writing to Arianne to
pass on my kind wishes, and leaving her to her task was the courteous thing to
do.
After that, words between us became easier. I
made a point to be in the same public rooms where she cleaned, and I noticed on
occasion her cheeks were reddened at my appearances.
Then two things happened to affect my newfound
happiness. The nights became colder and my brother returned.
Andrew was the more handsome by far and he had
been the source of much distress with past maids. How many girls had been let
go because they were found to be in the family way by my brother. The pattern
was that mother would cry when she learned of it and father would get angry and
pay the girl, and sometimes not. Now with his return I wondered two things:
whether Lilah might fall for his fallacious charm as did others; and given that
Andrew was now betrothed to a pretty but shallow girl from a noble family,
whether he would now turn his attentions to piety and abstain from such
debauchery.
I soon had my answer. For the first couple of
days following Andrew’s return, he slept and ate and noticed very little around
him. Then at breakfast one morning we had been discussing the date of father’s
return when Lilah entered. It was Danika’s free day and Lilah was helping serve
tea. Andrew lost track of our conversation and focused on the girl trying to
get a glimpse of her ankles under her full skirts. Lilah left quickly and I
could not tell whether she was aware of the scrutiny.
‘What’s her name again?’
I answered reluctantly and he was too vain to
pick up the slowness in my response.
Another day passed and I saw that my brother
was finding,
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