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you appear at present to be in the clear.” He paused. “In fact, when we have had the results of the MRI scan, providing everything is normal you can probably go home.”
    “Today?” I asked him apprehensively.
    He shook his head. “I will come and see you again tomorrow. If your scan results are available then, and you are feeling generally in good health, we may be able to let you out tomorrow. If you are still experiencing memory loss at that time we could arrange an outpatient appointment for you at our psychiatric unit. Meanwhile, I suggest you get some rest. I’m sure it will be very difficult for you to get much peace and quiet once you are home.”
    Grant came to visit me alone that evening. He said the children were exhausted after their day out. He’d put them to bed early and asked a neighbor to come in and keep an eye on them for an hour or two.
    “How is Teddy bearing up?” I asked him, partly to show an interest in his children’s well-being and partly because, despite my denials, I was deeply affected by Teddy’s situation.
    Grant shrugged. “He’s upset, obviously. He doesn’t really understand what’s happening, Lauren. He keeps crying for his mummy.”
    I avoided his gaze, thinking that Teddy seemed to have a better grasp of what was happening than anyone else did.
    “Have they said when you can come home?” he asked.
    “Maybe tomorrow,” I said, trying to keep my mind off the hideous possibility of such a thing.
    Home. Another unknown step into the dark. A place where, unless I woke up as Jessica again soon, I would be expected to play a role I would have to guess at as I went along; to live a life that simply wasn’t mine. I wanted to go home all right, but I wanted to continue with my own life, to be in control of my own destiny. I thought of my mother’s comments about not trying to be Superwoman and fought back tears of frustration. I had always been my own woman—fiercely independent and determined to do things my own way. My life might not have been perfect, but it had been mine. And now I found I wasn’t in control of anything at all. I was being swept along; a mere passenger on a roller-coaster ride that was more terrifying than anything the children could possibly have experienced at Chessington.
    I yawned widely, covering my mouth. Sleep was what I needed now and what I hoped was the key to the door between these two worlds.
    Grant got the message. I thought how tired he looked himself as he kissed me lightly on the forehead before heading for the door.
    “Good night, sweetheart,” he whispered as he closed the door behind him. “I’ll be back tomorrow.”
    “Good night, Grant.” I sank back against the pillows, realizing with a pang of guilt as I watched his retreating back that I was fervently hoping it might be the last I ever saw of him.

chapter four
    When I awoke
snuggled in the double duvet in my own bed, the feeling of relief was immense. I still wasn’t convinced that my experience as Lauren was simply a normal dream—there were too many abnormalities, too many questions left unanswered—but I was awake now, I was Jessica again; my body felt physically rested and my mind relaxed as if I had merely been deeply asleep and dreaming. Yawning, I luxuriated in the knowledge that I was home and safe in my own world.
    I sat up and hugged Frankie tightly. “You will never believe where I’ve been,” I told her as I slid out of bed and padded barefoot to the high window. I flung open the curtains to another glorious autumn day. “What would you say if I told you I was somewhere else all night while you were lying here keeping my feet warm for me?”
    Frankie tilted her head to one side and gave a short bark.
    I ran myself a hot bath, and while it was running I gave Frankie her breakfast of dry mix, put the kettle on for my morning tea, and went to the front door in my pajamas to look for the mail.
    Nothing but circulars. It should have been sad, really, that few