Graham.
“Hey—”
“When did she leave?” I asked quickly, cutting him off.
“Right before I texted you. I’m really sorry, Jagger, she told us about what happened this morning.”
My eyes widened and I let my head fall back until it hit the wall I was sitting against. I waited for Graham to start yelling, to tell me I wasn’t good enough for Grey, to hate me for being the reason she left . . . but it never came. “Why are you even telling me? Why are you sorry?”
There was a strange laugh on the other end of the phone, and he sighed. “Grey seemed to think I hated you too,” he mused. “I don’t hate you. There were times I wanted to. Times I wondered if you were going to try to mess up things for her and Ben because it wasn’t hard to see how you felt about her. After he died, I kept waiting for you to make your move on her—”
“You fucking asshole,” I growled, but he spoke louder before I could continue.
“She’s my baby sister, dude. I wasn’t around the three of you enough to know what you would do. Obviously I was wrong in thinking that. But I always kept my guard up with you, because I just never knew what to expect. I told Grey this morning, I respect you. I respect what you did for her as a friend, and what you did for Ben as his. You have no idea how much I appreciate what you’ve done for her in the last two years. You helped her more than any of us could, and you did it without caring that she had no fucking clue how you felt. You think I would have let her leave with just anyone after what happened the night of your graduation? Fuck no. I want to be able to help her; I want to be able to protect her from all the bad shit in the world. She should be my responsibility, but I’ve been here while she was finishing school. Letting her leave with you was one of the easiest decisions I’ve ever made, because I know you are who she needs.”
I sat there, not able to say anything. I would’ve never expected anything like this from Graham.
“When she was a kid, she needed me and our dad. When she got older, she needed Ben. Now she needs you. I know she’s in love with you too, we all do.”
I forced a laugh, but it sounded pained. “No. No, she’s not. You didn’t see her face this morning.”
“I saw her after. I don’t know what happened there, but I witnessed her freaking out over here. I’m not saying she’s not denying it, but I know she loves you. She’s scared, Jagger, that’s all.”
“I don’t—”
“She thinks she’s not allowed to love you. Because of Ben, because of what you were to him . . . but she does, just trust us on this. She’s always loved you, you’ve always been close, and that’s changed into something more over the last two years. I want to tell you to go after her, but I think she needs this. She needs time away from this place and from you so she can see what exactly you mean to her now. Give her a couple weeks, Jagger, she’ll be back.”
I let the phone slide from my hand after we ended the call, and sat there for another hour until it got to be too much. Stalking through the building, I went up to my room and shrugged into a shirt before jogging out to my car. I drove to the edge of town and parked my car so the headlights were lighting my path.
Squatting down in front of the headstone, I stared at it as I tried to calm my shaking, and broke instead. I stumbled back so I was sitting, and planted my elbows on my knees as a sob tore through my chest.
“I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry, man,” I cried. “I’m trying not to love her, but I can’t, and it’s killing me. She’s yours; I know she’s yours. You need to be here. You need to be starting a family with her. She needs you to be happy, Ben, you need to fucking be here!” Sobs tortured my body as I mourned my best friend, and hated myself for loving his girl. “You’re so selfish. You can’t just leave her like this, and leave me to be the one to pick up the
“Hey—”
“When did she leave?” I asked quickly, cutting him off.
“Right before I texted you. I’m really sorry, Jagger, she told us about what happened this morning.”
My eyes widened and I let my head fall back until it hit the wall I was sitting against. I waited for Graham to start yelling, to tell me I wasn’t good enough for Grey, to hate me for being the reason she left . . . but it never came. “Why are you even telling me? Why are you sorry?”
There was a strange laugh on the other end of the phone, and he sighed. “Grey seemed to think I hated you too,” he mused. “I don’t hate you. There were times I wanted to. Times I wondered if you were going to try to mess up things for her and Ben because it wasn’t hard to see how you felt about her. After he died, I kept waiting for you to make your move on her—”
“You fucking asshole,” I growled, but he spoke louder before I could continue.
“She’s my baby sister, dude. I wasn’t around the three of you enough to know what you would do. Obviously I was wrong in thinking that. But I always kept my guard up with you, because I just never knew what to expect. I told Grey this morning, I respect you. I respect what you did for her as a friend, and what you did for Ben as his. You have no idea how much I appreciate what you’ve done for her in the last two years. You helped her more than any of us could, and you did it without caring that she had no fucking clue how you felt. You think I would have let her leave with just anyone after what happened the night of your graduation? Fuck no. I want to be able to help her; I want to be able to protect her from all the bad shit in the world. She should be my responsibility, but I’ve been here while she was finishing school. Letting her leave with you was one of the easiest decisions I’ve ever made, because I know you are who she needs.”
I sat there, not able to say anything. I would’ve never expected anything like this from Graham.
“When she was a kid, she needed me and our dad. When she got older, she needed Ben. Now she needs you. I know she’s in love with you too, we all do.”
I forced a laugh, but it sounded pained. “No. No, she’s not. You didn’t see her face this morning.”
“I saw her after. I don’t know what happened there, but I witnessed her freaking out over here. I’m not saying she’s not denying it, but I know she loves you. She’s scared, Jagger, that’s all.”
“I don’t—”
“She thinks she’s not allowed to love you. Because of Ben, because of what you were to him . . . but she does, just trust us on this. She’s always loved you, you’ve always been close, and that’s changed into something more over the last two years. I want to tell you to go after her, but I think she needs this. She needs time away from this place and from you so she can see what exactly you mean to her now. Give her a couple weeks, Jagger, she’ll be back.”
I let the phone slide from my hand after we ended the call, and sat there for another hour until it got to be too much. Stalking through the building, I went up to my room and shrugged into a shirt before jogging out to my car. I drove to the edge of town and parked my car so the headlights were lighting my path.
Squatting down in front of the headstone, I stared at it as I tried to calm my shaking, and broke instead. I stumbled back so I was sitting, and planted my elbows on my knees as a sob tore through my chest.
“I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry, man,” I cried. “I’m trying not to love her, but I can’t, and it’s killing me. She’s yours; I know she’s yours. You need to be here. You need to be starting a family with her. She needs you to be happy, Ben, you need to fucking be here!” Sobs tortured my body as I mourned my best friend, and hated myself for loving his girl. “You’re so selfish. You can’t just leave her like this, and leave me to be the one to pick up the
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