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Authors: David Vann
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ears so that he could hear the wind now passing over the mountaintop. It was cold, but there was a kind of comfort to this place in the way it enclosed. The gray was everywhere and they were a part of it.
Not much of a view, his father said, and he turned and they descended the way they had come and they did not speak again until they were out of the clouds.
His father looked across the low saddle extending to the next ridge and then at what they could see behind this saddle, more mountains beyond and uncertain in the gray. Maybe we should just head back down, he said. It’s not very warm or clear, and there don’t seem to be many trails.
Roy nodded and they continued down through the low growth to the small forests at the mountain’s base and along the game trail to their cabin.
When they got there, it didn’t look right. The front door was hanging slantwise on one hinge and there was trash on the porch.
What the hell, his father said, and they both jogged over and then slowed when they got up to the cabin.
Looks like bears, his father said. That’s our food on the porch.
Roy could see ripped garbage bags of dry goods and the canned goods spilling out the door over the porch and onto the grass below.
They might still be in there, his father said. Put a shell in the chamber and take the safety off, but don’t get jumpy on me, and keep the barrel down. Okay?
Okay.
So they levered in shells and walked slowly toward the cabin until his father went up and banged on the wall and yelled and then waited and nothing moved or made a sound.
Doesn’t seem like they’re here, he said, but you never know. He went up on the porch then and pushed the broken door aside with his barrel and tried to peek in. It’s dark in there, he said. And bears are dark. I hate this. But he finally just stepped in and stepped back out again quickly and then slowly stepped in again. Roy couldn’t hear a thing, his blood was going so crazy. He imagined his father thrown out the front door with the bear after him, his gun knocked away, and Roy would shoot the bear in the eye and then in the open mouth, perfect shots the way his father had told him he would have to aim to kill a bear with a .30-.30.
His father came out again, though, unharmed, and said the bear was gone. He tore up everything, he said.
Roy looked inside and it took a few minutes for his eyes to adjust but then he saw their bedding all torn up and food everywhere and the radio in pieces and parts of the stove taken apart. Everything wrecked. He didn’t see anything that was still whole, and it did not escape him that this was all they had to live on for a very long time. They had no way of calling anyone else now, either, and they had no place to sleep.
I’m going after him, his father said.
What?
There’s no sense in putting everything back together if he’s still out there and can just do this again. And it might not be safe for us, either. He might come back again at night looking for more food.
But it’s late and he could be anywhere, and we have to eat and figure out what to sleep in and…Roy didn’t know how to continue. His father wasn’t making any sense.
You can stay here and put things together, his father said. And I’ll be back after I kill the bear.
I have to stay here by myself?
You’ll be all right. You have your rifle and I’m going to be following the bear, anyway.
I don’t like this, Roy said.
Neither do I. And his father took off. Roy stood on the porch watching him disappear up the path and couldn’t believe what was happening. He felt afraid and started talking out loud: How could you just leave me here? I don’t have anything to eat and I don’t know when you’re coming back.
He was terrified. He walked around the cabin like this and wanted his mother and sister and his friends and everything he had left behind, until finally he was getting cold and hungry enough that he stopped, went in, and started inspecting the sleeping
Not much of a view, his father said, and he turned and they descended the way they had come and they did not speak again until they were out of the clouds.
His father looked across the low saddle extending to the next ridge and then at what they could see behind this saddle, more mountains beyond and uncertain in the gray. Maybe we should just head back down, he said. It’s not very warm or clear, and there don’t seem to be many trails.
Roy nodded and they continued down through the low growth to the small forests at the mountain’s base and along the game trail to their cabin.
When they got there, it didn’t look right. The front door was hanging slantwise on one hinge and there was trash on the porch.
What the hell, his father said, and they both jogged over and then slowed when they got up to the cabin.
Looks like bears, his father said. That’s our food on the porch.
Roy could see ripped garbage bags of dry goods and the canned goods spilling out the door over the porch and onto the grass below.
They might still be in there, his father said. Put a shell in the chamber and take the safety off, but don’t get jumpy on me, and keep the barrel down. Okay?
Okay.
So they levered in shells and walked slowly toward the cabin until his father went up and banged on the wall and yelled and then waited and nothing moved or made a sound.
Doesn’t seem like they’re here, he said, but you never know. He went up on the porch then and pushed the broken door aside with his barrel and tried to peek in. It’s dark in there, he said. And bears are dark. I hate this. But he finally just stepped in and stepped back out again quickly and then slowly stepped in again. Roy couldn’t hear a thing, his blood was going so crazy. He imagined his father thrown out the front door with the bear after him, his gun knocked away, and Roy would shoot the bear in the eye and then in the open mouth, perfect shots the way his father had told him he would have to aim to kill a bear with a .30-.30.
His father came out again, though, unharmed, and said the bear was gone. He tore up everything, he said.
Roy looked inside and it took a few minutes for his eyes to adjust but then he saw their bedding all torn up and food everywhere and the radio in pieces and parts of the stove taken apart. Everything wrecked. He didn’t see anything that was still whole, and it did not escape him that this was all they had to live on for a very long time. They had no way of calling anyone else now, either, and they had no place to sleep.
I’m going after him, his father said.
What?
There’s no sense in putting everything back together if he’s still out there and can just do this again. And it might not be safe for us, either. He might come back again at night looking for more food.
But it’s late and he could be anywhere, and we have to eat and figure out what to sleep in and…Roy didn’t know how to continue. His father wasn’t making any sense.
You can stay here and put things together, his father said. And I’ll be back after I kill the bear.
I have to stay here by myself?
You’ll be all right. You have your rifle and I’m going to be following the bear, anyway.
I don’t like this, Roy said.
Neither do I. And his father took off. Roy stood on the porch watching him disappear up the path and couldn’t believe what was happening. He felt afraid and started talking out loud: How could you just leave me here? I don’t have anything to eat and I don’t know when you’re coming back.
He was terrified. He walked around the cabin like this and wanted his mother and sister and his friends and everything he had left behind, until finally he was getting cold and hungry enough that he stopped, went in, and started inspecting the sleeping
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