Read Online Laid Out and Candle Lit by Ann Everett - Free Book Online Page B
Authors: Ann Everett
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now I’m getting some and you’re not.”
“Okay, I tell you what,” Tizzy said. “If a bampire shows up, I’ll have six with him. Now, can we just take the muffins in?”
“No, I don’t want to get out of the car. A skunk is somewhere close. What if it’s rabid? What if it bites us? We’d have to get those awful shots. I don’t like shots. I‘m afraid of needles,” she said, pleading her case.
Tizzy did another eye roll. “Let me get this straight. You wouldn’t mind a vampire sinking his long sharp fangs deep into your neck and sucking out all your blood, but you’re afraid a skunk might bite you? This is only my opinion, but I think you can outrun a skunk. I don’t think they move real fast.”
Rayann sighed and conceded. “Okay. You’re right, but leave your lights on. They hate light.” She took a deep breath and opened her door.
Tizzy slung her purse over her shoulder, left the car lights on and stepped to the back of the van. They each picked up two boxes, walked to the front door and knocked. There were lights on, but no sound was coming from inside. No music. No television. No conversation.
Rayann shook her head. “I don’t think anybody’s home.”
“They have a screened-in back porch; if the screen is open, we can leave the boxes inside and a note on the front door,” Tizzy said.
They walked around to the back, found the screen open, and placed the muffins on a small table inside. Returning to the front of the house, Tizzy searched in her purse for a pen and paper. They turned the corner and stopped in their tracks at the sight of two glowing eyes staring up at them.
Rayann sucked in a deep breath, moved her body behind Tizzy’s and whispered. “Oh my God! It’s a skunk.”
“Don’t move,” Tizzy said calmly. “When he sees we’re no threat to him, he’ll leave.” The skunk gave quick little nods, sniffing the air, and twitched his tail.
Rayann began to pray. “Oh Holy Mother of God . . . The Father, the Son and the Holy Ghost. . . Oh sweet Mary, Mother of Jesus. . . Jesus, Mary and Joseph. . . Jesus, Jesus, bo besus, bonana fanna, fo fesus, fee fy mo mesus, Jee-ee-sus. Oh my God! He’s gonna bite us! He’s gonna give us rabies!” She screamed as she jumped on Tizzy’s back.
They spun around. Tizzy’s purse catapulted into the air and the contents exploded and rained down. Tizzie fought to dislodge Rayann from her back, catch the purse, and keep herself upright; she lurched and stumbled forward with Rayann riding her all the way to the ground.
The skunk turned, lifted his tail and sprayed, hitting them dead center. They both screamed, Rayann jumped to her feet, pulled Tizzy up by her shirt, ran for the car, jerked the doors open, and flung their bodies inside. They stared at each other in shock and disbelief, then at the skunk as he skittered away.
Rayann started to cry. “I told you there was a skunk! Oh my God! We stink like a skunk! We’ll never get this odor off. I think I may throw up,” Rayann said, beginning to gag.
“No. No. Don’t throw up in my car! Take some deep breaths!” Tizzy yelled.
“Momma, I think somebody tooted,” Gracie said, holding her nose.
“Hurry, start the car,” Rayann whined.
Tizzy rested her head on the steering wheel and stared out at her purse spilled on the lawn. A large mangy black dog appeared out of nowhere, lay down and started to chew on her wallet.
“I’m sorry,” she said, her voice mixed with cynicism and disgust. “I can’t start the car because some insane person blaspheming the name of Jesus jumped on my back and caused me to lose my car keys. Shit, Rayann!”
From the back seat, Gracie repeated, “Shit, Rayann.”
Tizzy looked back at Gracie. “I’m sorry, baby. Momma shouldn’t have said that word. That wasn’t nice.”
“This is not my fault, Tizzy! I told you I was afraid of skunks. I gave you fair warning. You should have known I’d go a little crazy if I saw one,” Rayann said,
“Okay, I tell you what,” Tizzy said. “If a bampire shows up, I’ll have six with him. Now, can we just take the muffins in?”
“No, I don’t want to get out of the car. A skunk is somewhere close. What if it’s rabid? What if it bites us? We’d have to get those awful shots. I don’t like shots. I‘m afraid of needles,” she said, pleading her case.
Tizzy did another eye roll. “Let me get this straight. You wouldn’t mind a vampire sinking his long sharp fangs deep into your neck and sucking out all your blood, but you’re afraid a skunk might bite you? This is only my opinion, but I think you can outrun a skunk. I don’t think they move real fast.”
Rayann sighed and conceded. “Okay. You’re right, but leave your lights on. They hate light.” She took a deep breath and opened her door.
Tizzy slung her purse over her shoulder, left the car lights on and stepped to the back of the van. They each picked up two boxes, walked to the front door and knocked. There were lights on, but no sound was coming from inside. No music. No television. No conversation.
Rayann shook her head. “I don’t think anybody’s home.”
“They have a screened-in back porch; if the screen is open, we can leave the boxes inside and a note on the front door,” Tizzy said.
They walked around to the back, found the screen open, and placed the muffins on a small table inside. Returning to the front of the house, Tizzy searched in her purse for a pen and paper. They turned the corner and stopped in their tracks at the sight of two glowing eyes staring up at them.
Rayann sucked in a deep breath, moved her body behind Tizzy’s and whispered. “Oh my God! It’s a skunk.”
“Don’t move,” Tizzy said calmly. “When he sees we’re no threat to him, he’ll leave.” The skunk gave quick little nods, sniffing the air, and twitched his tail.
Rayann began to pray. “Oh Holy Mother of God . . . The Father, the Son and the Holy Ghost. . . Oh sweet Mary, Mother of Jesus. . . Jesus, Mary and Joseph. . . Jesus, Jesus, bo besus, bonana fanna, fo fesus, fee fy mo mesus, Jee-ee-sus. Oh my God! He’s gonna bite us! He’s gonna give us rabies!” She screamed as she jumped on Tizzy’s back.
They spun around. Tizzy’s purse catapulted into the air and the contents exploded and rained down. Tizzie fought to dislodge Rayann from her back, catch the purse, and keep herself upright; she lurched and stumbled forward with Rayann riding her all the way to the ground.
The skunk turned, lifted his tail and sprayed, hitting them dead center. They both screamed, Rayann jumped to her feet, pulled Tizzy up by her shirt, ran for the car, jerked the doors open, and flung their bodies inside. They stared at each other in shock and disbelief, then at the skunk as he skittered away.
Rayann started to cry. “I told you there was a skunk! Oh my God! We stink like a skunk! We’ll never get this odor off. I think I may throw up,” Rayann said, beginning to gag.
“No. No. Don’t throw up in my car! Take some deep breaths!” Tizzy yelled.
“Momma, I think somebody tooted,” Gracie said, holding her nose.
“Hurry, start the car,” Rayann whined.
Tizzy rested her head on the steering wheel and stared out at her purse spilled on the lawn. A large mangy black dog appeared out of nowhere, lay down and started to chew on her wallet.
“I’m sorry,” she said, her voice mixed with cynicism and disgust. “I can’t start the car because some insane person blaspheming the name of Jesus jumped on my back and caused me to lose my car keys. Shit, Rayann!”
From the back seat, Gracie repeated, “Shit, Rayann.”
Tizzy looked back at Gracie. “I’m sorry, baby. Momma shouldn’t have said that word. That wasn’t nice.”
“This is not my fault, Tizzy! I told you I was afraid of skunks. I gave you fair warning. You should have known I’d go a little crazy if I saw one,” Rayann said,
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