laid back. Up for anything. I sat back on the couch and waited, patting my banana like I'd pat a Doberman I was trying to restrain. Twenty minutes went by. Thirty. Maybe she's putting in her diaphragm. I could've done it for her. I put in La Donna's diaphragm all the time. The double doors opened.
"Hi." She smiled. I stood at attention as if someone had just announced, "Gentlemen, the queen."
"Hey look, I'm sorry I'm taking so long."
"No problem," I lied.
"Listen, this is gonna be a real long call. Maybe you could come back some other time? I'm
really
sorry." She whirled her head on "really." I could see the cranberry tips of her nipples through the nightgown. I felt torpedoed.
"Well." I clucked my tongue. "You know I don't come around here that often." I pulled up my goddamn tie knot "I can wait." It was all over.
"No, that's okay. Why don't you stop by whenever, okay? I'm really sorry."
"Right." I felt so down I thought I was dying.
"You can let yourself out… That hand lotion was nice." Another apologetic smile and she was gone, back into the bedroom.
I felt like pissing on her couch. It was three-thirty. I should have split right then, but I felt as if she owed me something and I started stalking the apartment like it was mine by right of rage. I wound up in her bathroom; cutesy big-eyed animal print wallpaper and matching shower curtain. Bright yellow plastic toilet seat. I swept back the shower curtain like I was looking for evidence. The bathtub was filled with stray hair and a Japanese loofa sponge lay there like the corpse of a sunken ship in a drained ocean. A fat roach waddled across a thin bar of gold translucent soap in a bright yellow soap dish shaped like a seashell on the small sink. The basin had large bright green copper water stains under each faucet The floor was covered with a cheap cut-it-yourself green rug. She had done a shitty job of laying it down; it was Punched and rolled around the toilet base at one end and didn't reach the edge of the bathtub at the other. Her medicine cabinet contained the usual shit Nylon floral cosmetic bag, filled with eye shadow, pencil liners and lipsticks. A small jar of Vaseline on a shelf with supermarket-brand aspirin and a hair-caked leg razor. Antidiarrhea pills in an amber prescription bottle.
That
disgusted me. Hairs in the bathtub, the fat roach halfway up the wall, his antenna swishing in slow motion. The place was a pit and she was a slob. A big dark gold towel didn't match anything else in the room. It was damp probably from the evening before because she didn't take the time and trouble to fold it over the bar but just jammed it in the goddamn towel rack like who gives a royal fuck. I couldn't find a diaphragm or birth control pills. I hated that bathroom. It stunk of her privacy and I was up for heavy sabotage, demolition, but I couldn't think of anything to do.
I was staring at a stalactite of hardened green toothpaste frozen from the topless tube to the white enamel of the sink when I got bit with a frightening flash of not knowing where I was. Dizziness. I got scared. I couldn't sense me. I panicked for a second, then snapped out of it. Suddenly I didn't want to get caught in there. She would eat me alive. I got out fast. I felt like an intruder, which I was. Her double doors were still closed and I split.
I did the last apartment.
"Free gift from Bluecastle."
"I can't take it" from inside.
"Good." I clomped down the stairs. "I can't take it either."
Home, James. I grabbed a cab and shot uptown. Once I sat back and lit a cigarette I started thinking about a lot of things I didn't like to think about. Like my job, for one. I had to quit. Fuck it I'd go back to college, finish up and do something else. Anything else. Go on unemployment and just think, relax for a while. I was pissing my life away. Maybe I'd let La Donna support me for a change. No. Better yet, I'd go on unemployment and tell La Donna to walk.
I didn't want her in my life
"Hi." She smiled. I stood at attention as if someone had just announced, "Gentlemen, the queen."
"Hey look, I'm sorry I'm taking so long."
"No problem," I lied.
"Listen, this is gonna be a real long call. Maybe you could come back some other time? I'm
really
sorry." She whirled her head on "really." I could see the cranberry tips of her nipples through the nightgown. I felt torpedoed.
"Well." I clucked my tongue. "You know I don't come around here that often." I pulled up my goddamn tie knot "I can wait." It was all over.
"No, that's okay. Why don't you stop by whenever, okay? I'm really sorry."
"Right." I felt so down I thought I was dying.
"You can let yourself out… That hand lotion was nice." Another apologetic smile and she was gone, back into the bedroom.
I felt like pissing on her couch. It was three-thirty. I should have split right then, but I felt as if she owed me something and I started stalking the apartment like it was mine by right of rage. I wound up in her bathroom; cutesy big-eyed animal print wallpaper and matching shower curtain. Bright yellow plastic toilet seat. I swept back the shower curtain like I was looking for evidence. The bathtub was filled with stray hair and a Japanese loofa sponge lay there like the corpse of a sunken ship in a drained ocean. A fat roach waddled across a thin bar of gold translucent soap in a bright yellow soap dish shaped like a seashell on the small sink. The basin had large bright green copper water stains under each faucet The floor was covered with a cheap cut-it-yourself green rug. She had done a shitty job of laying it down; it was Punched and rolled around the toilet base at one end and didn't reach the edge of the bathtub at the other. Her medicine cabinet contained the usual shit Nylon floral cosmetic bag, filled with eye shadow, pencil liners and lipsticks. A small jar of Vaseline on a shelf with supermarket-brand aspirin and a hair-caked leg razor. Antidiarrhea pills in an amber prescription bottle.
That
disgusted me. Hairs in the bathtub, the fat roach halfway up the wall, his antenna swishing in slow motion. The place was a pit and she was a slob. A big dark gold towel didn't match anything else in the room. It was damp probably from the evening before because she didn't take the time and trouble to fold it over the bar but just jammed it in the goddamn towel rack like who gives a royal fuck. I couldn't find a diaphragm or birth control pills. I hated that bathroom. It stunk of her privacy and I was up for heavy sabotage, demolition, but I couldn't think of anything to do.
I was staring at a stalactite of hardened green toothpaste frozen from the topless tube to the white enamel of the sink when I got bit with a frightening flash of not knowing where I was. Dizziness. I got scared. I couldn't sense me. I panicked for a second, then snapped out of it. Suddenly I didn't want to get caught in there. She would eat me alive. I got out fast. I felt like an intruder, which I was. Her double doors were still closed and I split.
I did the last apartment.
"Free gift from Bluecastle."
"I can't take it" from inside.
"Good." I clomped down the stairs. "I can't take it either."
Home, James. I grabbed a cab and shot uptown. Once I sat back and lit a cigarette I started thinking about a lot of things I didn't like to think about. Like my job, for one. I had to quit. Fuck it I'd go back to college, finish up and do something else. Anything else. Go on unemployment and just think, relax for a while. I was pissing my life away. Maybe I'd let La Donna support me for a change. No. Better yet, I'd go on unemployment and tell La Donna to walk.
I didn't want her in my life
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