Read Online Kiss the Morning Star by Elissa Janine Hoole - Free Book Online Page B

She gestures. “Go right. Down to that green sign, and then hang another right.”
    “People think I’m stuck up?”
    “Does it matter?”
    “Do you think I am?”
    She sighs. “Maybe a little bit, senior year, but it doesn’t matter. We all knew you were sad.” My phone beeps, and Kat reaches into my backpack to get it. “Your dad,” she says, and then she reads the message. “ There are ducklings . That’s all he says.”
    Ducklings. At the pond, in the park. I laugh. “It’s been years since we went down to see the ducks.” We used to go to the river all the time and watch the ducklings as they grew up. Sometimes people would feed them bread crumbs or whatever, but my mom always said it was better to just watch, that they had plenty of food in the pond and would come close if we just sat still and silent.
    “Hey, do you think he went down there? Down to the pond, looking for ducklings?”
    The thought of this makes me so happy I almost miss my turn picturing him sitting quietly on the banks, waiting for the mama ducks to lead their little families past him. “Katy? Are you serious about stupid boys from high school liking me?”
    “They all wanted you,” she says. And then, after a short silence, “It wasn’t just the boys.”
    I’m not sure how to answer that.
    We both roll the windows up halfway as I reach full speed on the highway, and for a while we sit there listening to the sound of the air rushing into the car, feeling the chill on our skin, and then we roll them up a little more so we can talk.
    It’s hard to know how to begin. I clear my throat. “I’m sorry for freaking out on you this morning.” I pause, but Kat doesn’t look at me. “Pastor Shepherd…he…” I shrug. “Something about him makes me nervous.” It’s not everything I want to say, but it’s one thing. I can talk about one thing, anyway.
    “I liked him. You were scared he’d make you believe again.”
    “Oh, please , Katy.” I scowl. What’s that supposed to mean, anyway? This isn’t about me. “He’s too…slick, like some kind of door-to-door God salesman.”
    Kat raises an eyebrow. “Watch out for the lightning, there.”
    I can’t help it. I have to laugh. “Well, I didn’t trust him.”
    “I thought he was nice. And so was Angela. I just got this… feeling. Like we were meant to meet them. Like we’ll meet again.”
    “See? Now you sound just like him.” I don’t believe in that cosmic coincidences junk. What good is free will if everything is already fated, if it’s all just waiting there for us? What’s the point of making good decisions or doing good deeds, if it doesn’t change anything, if our fate is preordained? So my mom was meant to die, then?
    “Whatever, Anna. I just said I have a feeling we haven’t seen the last of the Shepherds.” Kat sighs. “Sometimes it’s like you’re just looking for a reason to get pissed off at the world, you know? Maybe you could give some other emotion a chance.”
    We ride in silence again for a while, driving west right into the setting sun. I squint at the bug-splattered windshield, my forehead drawn together in a frown. What the hell does she know, anyway? Finally I speak. “Text my dad back for me,” I say. “Tell him God won’t leave me alone.”
    Kat grins and taps out the message. “Perfect,” she says. “Now. You wanna hear me read some Kerouac?”
    I smile, forcing myself to relax my brows. Maybe she’s right. Maybe I am always looking for a reason to be angry. Maybe I should chill the hell out. Maybe this book will be good for me. “Bring on the dharma!” I say.

 
    Here Is A List of Words
I Cannot Say
     
Yes,
I am
angry,
but
I have to
fight
back
the fear
of losing you.
     

6
    Straining at the padlock,
the garage doors
At noon
—Jack Kerouac
     
    Here is what I love most about Kat. She knows how to be quiet when it really matters. Also she knows how to say what needs to be said, unlike me. I always have the words waiting