Read Online Kismet by AE Woodward - Free Book Online Page A

out of your hair,” he smiles. “That way we both win, in our own way.”
    I roll my eyes. Okay, maybe I’m digging my heels in about this a little more than I should. I want to have things my way, but I’ve obviously met my match. He smiles smugly, like he’s reading my mind and knows that he’s slowly breaking me down.
    “So, the horse riding,” he starts. “You think that might be good for you?”
    I take a deep breath and redirect my gaze. His eyes are hopeful. Screw it. A little interaction won’t kill me.
    I lift my left hand and give him a thumbs up, and he immediately smiles, reveling in my communication, albeit non-verbal. “All right. I’d love to watch you ride sometime.”
    Over the next hour I listen to Stevenson talk, occasionally responding with a thumbs up or down, depending on how I feel about what he has to say. The majority of the time it’s a thumbs down.
    He urges me to reconnect with some of my friends from the city. Big thumbs down. That won’t be happening solely because my family doesn’t know how to get in contact with them, and hell will freeze over before I pick up a phone and call them. Besides, I know it would be too painful. Most of them have families of their own and I don’t think I’ll ever be able to be around happy families without hurting. He tells me to really rely on the people who surround me daily, for they are the ones who will be my greatest support.
    “Have you gone to see them yet?” he asks.
    I can’t believe he’s gone there… again. I thought my panic attack last time made it pretty clear that I wasn’t ready to cross that bridge yet.
    I stop breathing. Just the thought of it is too much. My heart aches, and my stomach churns with nervousness. Thumbs down immediately, although I briefly consider giving him the middle one instead, but my anger is cloaked with sadness, and I can’t find the strength to be mean.
    “You should go, Katie. Sooner rather than later. It’s important for you to say good-bye. You already missed an opportunity to say good-bye with the support of all your family surrounding you when you missed their funeral. Now you need to do it alone.”
    Tears stream down my face. I hate thinking of them like that. Cold. Dead. In the ground. Tears continue down my cheeks, and I shake my head. I feel myself approaching the edge. He needs to stop before I lose it, again. I hope that my tears will make him feel bad for me—that they’ll serve a function besides just being a release of pain. But he continues to push me. This must be the “work” he spoke of.
    “You need to go to those graves, Katie. You need to say good-bye to Michael. And Zoe.” Their names cut through me, the pressure in my chest returning in an instant. “And that sweet baby boy.”
    I hear myself gasp. Anger rips through me and before I know it my hand reaches out and strikes him across his face. He looks shocked and perplexed. He obviously wasn’t expecting that. What he was looking for, I’m not so sure myself. Realization spreads across his face.
    “You didn’t know. Did you?”
    It’s all too much, and I throw my head into my hands, sliding down off the couch and crumpling into a heap. My shoulders jerk with each sob, and I can feel my insides being kicked around by remorse. The sweet innocent baby that I had been carrying had been a boy.
    During the pregnancy I had loved not knowing the gender of the baby. There were only a few true surprises left in life, and that was one that I wanted to experience.
    A boy.
    It would have been everything Michael wanted, but more than he bargained for at the same time. He hadn’t wanted more than one child—as an only child himself he hadn’t seen the need for siblings. But I insisted. I wanted to give him a boy. Someone to carry on his name. And ultimately I got my way. But I hadn’t won. This was my punishment for being so greedy. I pushed for more and instead ended up with nothing.
    I feel Stevenson gently place his hand