Read Online Kill Marguerite and Other Stories by Megan Milks - Free Book Online Page B

to the book you withhold love and belittle my feelings so I no longer know who I am. Read the pages, Jessica. It’s you. The abuser. You.
    How can you live so happily while I am sad and broken down? In order for our relationship to work we have to respect one another’s strengths and roles in the relationship. Respecting my strengths and roles in the relationship is something you do not do. All you do is what you want to do even when it negatively impacts me which is fucked. Remember that time you sabotaged my carefully planned campaign rally because you don’t carethat I have feelings? That time you tricked my hunky date into thinking you were me while I waited for hours thinking I got stood up? That time you wanted to date Todd just because I did? All the times you get me to do your dishes or homework just so you’ll say you love me the most and we’ll get sundaes tomorrow but then when I show up and you’ve already ordered with Lila. And you’re so sorry, it’ll never happen again, but it happens the next time too. And when I ask you to stop wearing my new barrette without asking, you say sure but then you keep wearing my new barrette without asking.
    The book says you do these things because creating chaos in the relationship gives you a sense of freedom from the stifling confinement of intimacy. I understand. But Jess, when you act like this, when you get so into yourself, I lose sight of common goals and who I am within them. I spend all night losing sleep, sick inside wondering where you’re leaving your makeup and then I wake up and see you and it’s like I’ve never had feelings before in my life. Jessica, there’s a war inside of me. I hate your guts sometimes but sometimes you’re so fun and I don’t know how to act because I hate your guts Jessica but sometimes you’re so nice to me and I don’t know how to act because I hate your guts Jessica but sometimes you really love me and I don’t know how to act because I hate your guts I hate them I hate them your guts I hate them Jessica—
    The book says for our relationship to work, we have to communicate. What I’m communicating now is this isn’t working. You have to change. From now on, you’re gonna do your homework yourself and quit being so fun all the time. You’re gonna be responsible and I get to be the fun one. I’m gonna forget Dad’s birthday and you getto say your present’s from both of us. You did get Dad a present, didn’t you?
    What a surprise. See how you’re nothing without me.
    I know you’re sorry. You’re always sorry. “I’m Jessica, and I’m the sorriest twin in the world.” I don’t want your empty apologies. What I want Jessica is—are you listening?—because listening’s not your strong suit so listen. What I want Jessica is your private time. I want you close. I want you to stay home and keep our memories warm with me. I want to spend the evening watching you get yourself clean. I want to shave my head and lie in bed with you all day long. I want you to tell me you love me more each time you look into my eyes. I want you to look me in the heart and promise no love’s like our love. Tell me I’m what your hands were made for, I’m what your mouth was made for. Don’t you want that too?
    You know what, nevermind. I know my screaming and shouting won’t keep you. No hissyfits, mind my manners. I won’t make your love so scared to come through our yard. Because when it comes down to it, Jess, when we work, we really work. Jess, I really love us. How we look so alike, and yet are different. Like when I’m staring into my own eyes in the mirror and thinking they’re yours and you’re being so sensitive for once, you’re really seeing me, but then I blink and it’s just me. Or I’m looking at you and I try to smoothe your eyebrows by smoothing mine, like