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Authors: Jo Knowles
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When I’m sure we’re alone, I lead Ellie over to the sinks.
“Are you OK?” I ask, even though I know the answer.
She nods and dabs the now-soggy tissue at her eyes.
“Ellie, I think you should go to the nurse and get her to send you home.”
She sniffs and shakes her head. “What would I tell her?”
“You could tell her the truth, El. I’ll go with you. We can talk to her together.”
She leans against the brick wall next to the sinks and lets her head thud back on it. Her eyes are red and puffy. She closes them, but tears still sneak out.
I stand next to her so our arms are touching. I reach with my hand until I feel hers and squeeze.
“Ellie, you’ve got to talk to someone. There must be somebody we can go to. Maybe the school counselor.”
I squeeze her hand again, looking for even a little sign that there’s some life left. But she doesn’t squeeze back.
I let go and feel her slip away.
“Please talk to me, El. We’ve got to do something about this soon. Before it’s too late.”
She moves forward a little so I can’t see her face.
“Liz,” she says quietly.
“Liz. Yeah! Of course! We’ll go to her tonight. OK?”
Ellie touches her stomach. “How did she know? How could she?” She looks down at her stomach.
“No, Ellie, you can’t tell.” I take a deep breath. “It’s my fault.”
She looks at me, confused.
“I — I told Caleb. I’m
really
sorry, El. But I’ve been so worried about you, and I didn’t know what else to do. I thought he could help. That he would want to help. I swear, Ellie. I only told him because — well, you know, El — the guy’s been in love with you forever. And I don’t mean the
gaga
love but the caring kind. He’s worried about you, just like I am. And he
does
want to help, El. I never thought he’d tell Liz. I swear I wouldn’t have told him if I thought he wouldn’t keep it a secret. I guess he told her because he cares so much about you.”
I didn’t expect it to hurt so much to tell her that, but it does. My chest gets heavy, and my throat tightens the way it does when I try not to cry.
I step closer to her. At first I think she’s going to turn and run, but she doesn’t move.
“That explains a lot,” she says. She doesn’t seem angry. She doesn’t seem anything.
“So, you’re not mad?”
“No.”
“And we’ll go to Liz? Tonight?”
She nods.
Thank God. I give her a little hug. She doesn’t hug back, but she doesn’t pull away, either.
“Here, let’s fix you.” I empty my makeup onto the counter and tell her to face me. Then I open up my concealer and dot her face, then rub it in the way my sister taught me to. Gently, slowly. She closes her eyes and lets me do my work.
When I rub some blush on her cheeks, she opens her eyes, but she doesn’t look at herself in the mirror.
“You look fabulous,” I say. I reach for her hand again. It’s cold in mine, but this time she squeezes back.
“It’s gonna be all right,” I tell her. I let go of her hand and put both of mine on her shoulders. I shake her a little, just gently.
“I promise,” I say. “Remember the angels?”
“Yeah,” she says.
We start to walk out, but as we pass one of the stalls, we hear a giggle and freeze. Someone is in there. I look through the crack in the door and see them. Kayla and Jessie. They’re perched on either side of the toilet seat and leaning on the stall walls. Kayla has a sports bottle in her hand and she’s sucking it fast.
“Can we help you?” Jessie asks in her annoying, throaty voice that sounds like she’s been smoking since she was two.
I jump back. Ellie’s frozen against the wall.
Kayla laughs.
Without thinking, I kick the stall door. It swings open and bumps into one of them.
“Shit! You bitch, you made me spill!” Kayla yells. There’s some red liquid on her white shirt. I’m sure it’s Kool-Aid and vodka.
“I wish I’d made you fall in!” I say back, though not having the closed door
“Are you OK?” I ask, even though I know the answer.
She nods and dabs the now-soggy tissue at her eyes.
“Ellie, I think you should go to the nurse and get her to send you home.”
She sniffs and shakes her head. “What would I tell her?”
“You could tell her the truth, El. I’ll go with you. We can talk to her together.”
She leans against the brick wall next to the sinks and lets her head thud back on it. Her eyes are red and puffy. She closes them, but tears still sneak out.
I stand next to her so our arms are touching. I reach with my hand until I feel hers and squeeze.
“Ellie, you’ve got to talk to someone. There must be somebody we can go to. Maybe the school counselor.”
I squeeze her hand again, looking for even a little sign that there’s some life left. But she doesn’t squeeze back.
I let go and feel her slip away.
“Please talk to me, El. We’ve got to do something about this soon. Before it’s too late.”
She moves forward a little so I can’t see her face.
“Liz,” she says quietly.
“Liz. Yeah! Of course! We’ll go to her tonight. OK?”
Ellie touches her stomach. “How did she know? How could she?” She looks down at her stomach.
“No, Ellie, you can’t tell.” I take a deep breath. “It’s my fault.”
She looks at me, confused.
“I — I told Caleb. I’m
really
sorry, El. But I’ve been so worried about you, and I didn’t know what else to do. I thought he could help. That he would want to help. I swear, Ellie. I only told him because — well, you know, El — the guy’s been in love with you forever. And I don’t mean the
gaga
love but the caring kind. He’s worried about you, just like I am. And he
does
want to help, El. I never thought he’d tell Liz. I swear I wouldn’t have told him if I thought he wouldn’t keep it a secret. I guess he told her because he cares so much about you.”
I didn’t expect it to hurt so much to tell her that, but it does. My chest gets heavy, and my throat tightens the way it does when I try not to cry.
I step closer to her. At first I think she’s going to turn and run, but she doesn’t move.
“That explains a lot,” she says. She doesn’t seem angry. She doesn’t seem anything.
“So, you’re not mad?”
“No.”
“And we’ll go to Liz? Tonight?”
She nods.
Thank God. I give her a little hug. She doesn’t hug back, but she doesn’t pull away, either.
“Here, let’s fix you.” I empty my makeup onto the counter and tell her to face me. Then I open up my concealer and dot her face, then rub it in the way my sister taught me to. Gently, slowly. She closes her eyes and lets me do my work.
When I rub some blush on her cheeks, she opens her eyes, but she doesn’t look at herself in the mirror.
“You look fabulous,” I say. I reach for her hand again. It’s cold in mine, but this time she squeezes back.
“It’s gonna be all right,” I tell her. I let go of her hand and put both of mine on her shoulders. I shake her a little, just gently.
“I promise,” I say. “Remember the angels?”
“Yeah,” she says.
We start to walk out, but as we pass one of the stalls, we hear a giggle and freeze. Someone is in there. I look through the crack in the door and see them. Kayla and Jessie. They’re perched on either side of the toilet seat and leaning on the stall walls. Kayla has a sports bottle in her hand and she’s sucking it fast.
“Can we help you?” Jessie asks in her annoying, throaty voice that sounds like she’s been smoking since she was two.
I jump back. Ellie’s frozen against the wall.
Kayla laughs.
Without thinking, I kick the stall door. It swings open and bumps into one of them.
“Shit! You bitch, you made me spill!” Kayla yells. There’s some red liquid on her white shirt. I’m sure it’s Kool-Aid and vodka.
“I wish I’d made you fall in!” I say back, though not having the closed door
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