Read Online Journey's End (Marlbrook) by Bernadette Carroll - Free Book Online Page B
Authors: Bernadette Carroll
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only for privacy and rest.” Solitude had become obligatory; Laura’s excuse was a legitimate one.
Repressed feelings fought to rid themselves of Laura’s domination, and, as the day progressed, Laura’s physical illness reached a peak where she almost dispelled the contents of her morning meal.
Laura sanctioned one day’s rest in the seclusion of her room, a chamber cheered by an exhibition of colourful art forms. The objects imparted stories of antiquity and grace while remaining uncomplicated. Laura smiled and thought their silence wise.
Mundane tasks occupied Laura , as she endeavoured to empty the chaos that rampaged within. When this failed, she called upon her journal to make sense of what she could not.
“The romantic notion of having an unrequited love is appealing to one like myself, who , at an advanced age , has guarded, with learned expertise, against such sentiment. That a man could effortlessly penetrate my defences confounds me. A short time ago , I experienced a moment so precious that I cannot yet express my feelings in any manner of words, but the sin of tasting passion is now my constant torment.
The sickness I fight to conquer is not that I have done wrong, but that I find , on true examination of my thoughts , that I am unrepentant. The guilt experienced for having sampled such ecstasy out of the marriage bed I find hard to reconcile , when my senses tell me that something so tender and loving cannot be bad .
There, I have confessed my sin and must now try and live with my guilt. I pray to God that there will be no consequences for my shameful behaviour, but I also suspect that once previously veiled responses have been aroused, and I blush as I write, the renewal of the sensations will hence be easily triggered.
The caretaker did not indicate any future meetings, and my only hope is that his judgement of me will not be too unkind. His opinion is of vast importance and a constant cause of my present distress , b ut perhaps I flatter myself. The reality may be that he has no want to be reminded of our meeting. Either way, to be held in contempt and not his esteem would be a bitter blow.
My writings are private and , to myself at least , I must be true. The anguish I endured upon leaving this man has me mystified, and had the carriage not been waiting I do not know what destiny I might have chosen. I am glad I was not put to the test. The thought of desiring to be with a man was remote until this day.”
“Come child , let me look at you!” Authority clung to Lady Catherine ’s words. “Have you done with the vapours or whatever it is that ails you or will they resurface to annoy me?”
Taken aback by the unexpected inquisition, Laura failed to reply.
“And what of my London house , girl? Did you make sure to check the inventory? Those kitchen girls are a dreadful lot. I shall insist on reviewing everything , you know.”
A grin lifted one corner of Laura’s mouth. “Lady Catherine , I am sincerely grateful for your concern. As to my state of h ealth, I have sufficiently recovered from my recent trials to resume full duties.”
“Excellent. I like a girl that does not take to her bed at every turn. And my townhouse ?”
“I bring good news. I personally supervised the staff in their comings and goings and made sure that I vacated the establishment only after everyone else had withdrawn, turning the key in the lock as I departed. Here then is the very item I speak of, returned to you for safekeeping.”
Laura excused her Ladyship ’ s behaviour. She understood Lady Catherine toyed with her, testing her stamina for debate.
#
Thomas put pen to paper two days after Laura’s departure. The task demanded that he invest a great deal of time in the undertaking. By recording the events, he hoped to clarify his thinking and, to some degree, his beliefs. While he would never allege to be an eloquent writer , his outlook
Repressed feelings fought to rid themselves of Laura’s domination, and, as the day progressed, Laura’s physical illness reached a peak where she almost dispelled the contents of her morning meal.
Laura sanctioned one day’s rest in the seclusion of her room, a chamber cheered by an exhibition of colourful art forms. The objects imparted stories of antiquity and grace while remaining uncomplicated. Laura smiled and thought their silence wise.
Mundane tasks occupied Laura , as she endeavoured to empty the chaos that rampaged within. When this failed, she called upon her journal to make sense of what she could not.
“The romantic notion of having an unrequited love is appealing to one like myself, who , at an advanced age , has guarded, with learned expertise, against such sentiment. That a man could effortlessly penetrate my defences confounds me. A short time ago , I experienced a moment so precious that I cannot yet express my feelings in any manner of words, but the sin of tasting passion is now my constant torment.
The sickness I fight to conquer is not that I have done wrong, but that I find , on true examination of my thoughts , that I am unrepentant. The guilt experienced for having sampled such ecstasy out of the marriage bed I find hard to reconcile , when my senses tell me that something so tender and loving cannot be bad .
There, I have confessed my sin and must now try and live with my guilt. I pray to God that there will be no consequences for my shameful behaviour, but I also suspect that once previously veiled responses have been aroused, and I blush as I write, the renewal of the sensations will hence be easily triggered.
The caretaker did not indicate any future meetings, and my only hope is that his judgement of me will not be too unkind. His opinion is of vast importance and a constant cause of my present distress , b ut perhaps I flatter myself. The reality may be that he has no want to be reminded of our meeting. Either way, to be held in contempt and not his esteem would be a bitter blow.
My writings are private and , to myself at least , I must be true. The anguish I endured upon leaving this man has me mystified, and had the carriage not been waiting I do not know what destiny I might have chosen. I am glad I was not put to the test. The thought of desiring to be with a man was remote until this day.”
“Come child , let me look at you!” Authority clung to Lady Catherine ’s words. “Have you done with the vapours or whatever it is that ails you or will they resurface to annoy me?”
Taken aback by the unexpected inquisition, Laura failed to reply.
“And what of my London house , girl? Did you make sure to check the inventory? Those kitchen girls are a dreadful lot. I shall insist on reviewing everything , you know.”
A grin lifted one corner of Laura’s mouth. “Lady Catherine , I am sincerely grateful for your concern. As to my state of h ealth, I have sufficiently recovered from my recent trials to resume full duties.”
“Excellent. I like a girl that does not take to her bed at every turn. And my townhouse ?”
“I bring good news. I personally supervised the staff in their comings and goings and made sure that I vacated the establishment only after everyone else had withdrawn, turning the key in the lock as I departed. Here then is the very item I speak of, returned to you for safekeeping.”
Laura excused her Ladyship ’ s behaviour. She understood Lady Catherine toyed with her, testing her stamina for debate.
#
Thomas put pen to paper two days after Laura’s departure. The task demanded that he invest a great deal of time in the undertaking. By recording the events, he hoped to clarify his thinking and, to some degree, his beliefs. While he would never allege to be an eloquent writer , his outlook
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