Read Online Joe Vampire by Steven Luna - Free Book Online Page A

not what you’re thinking – believe me.”
    “And what am I thinking, Joe? Hmmm?” Whoa. He was calm, superior and condescending – all at the same time. And he wasn’t cursing at all, not even PG-rated stuff. He had really rehearsed this. “What is it that I’m thinking right now?”
    Without even trying, I picked up his thoughts. Since we're pretty much on the same wavelength anyway, I figured it would be easy. And it was, almost like Radio Hube had switched itself on in my brain. It was even easier than it had been with the nurse. I read it all to him, word for word: You weren’t sick; you started hitting the smack and now you’re trying to hide the fact that you’ve become addicted. “Hitting the smack, Hube? Is that from your book? Come on… you know me better than that.” His mouth dropped. Holy fuck… you just read my mind ! “I know… yours and everyone else’s. It’s freaking me out big-time, and I really need your help with what’s causing it. But it has nothing to do with drugs.” This is some sort of trick… something you learned on You Tube. “Not a You Tube trick, buddy – something else. Something way worse.” I don’t believe this. “I don’t believe it either, but it’s true." He fell totally silent, except for a few incredulous squeaks. We had just held a two-way conversation with me doing all the talking, yet he still couldn't get what was happening. 
    I would have to prove it to him on his own terms. 
    "Okay," I told him, "let's try this another way. Think of something totally random – anything, whatever comes into your head – and I’ll tell you what it is. Okay? Anything – no holds barred.” He eyed me warily. "Whenever you're ready." Then it came. “Dodgeball. Paper clip.  Chicken leg. Pamela Anderson’s left nipple. Dodgeball again.”
    Hit, hit, hit, hit. And hit.
    Hube was not prepared for something like this. Honestly, who would be? He sank onto the couch. “I thought you needed an intervention, not an exorcism.”
    “It’s not like that, Hube,” I assured him.
    He didn’t believe me. I don’t think he knew what to believe, actually. “What’s it like then? Tell me, Joe, what is it like? You’re pale as hell; you don’t seem to eat anymore. You won’t go outside; you hide out in your house all the time. You’re gone from work for nine goddamn days and I can’t get you to pick up the fucking phone! Were you sick, dude, or were you strung out, or were you possessed by the devil? And what are you right now? ‘Cause I’m watching my best friend go through some pretty dark shit here, and I feel like there’s nothing I can do to get him out of it.” He was crying. “So what the fuck ?”
    Yikes. I was so busy worrying about what had happened that I hadn't stopped to realize I wasn’t the only one who was being affected by it.
    The human part of me that was still in there felt like a total shit.
    I flopped down next to him on the couch. “First up: I’m not on anything, Hube – I swear to you, I’m not. I know how well junkies can pull off a lie, but I would never lie to you about something like that. Plus, you know how I feel about putting foreign substances in my body, right? Germs and everything?” He accepted that. "And as tempting as I'm sure it would be for any demon to get all up on my sweet ass, I’m not possessed, either.” That made him laugh a little. “But close.” 
    That didn’t. 
    I spent the next two hours explaining to him what had happened at Pomme, and my conversation with Don, and everything that had gone on between the two, right up until the minute he walked in the door. He was dumbstruck, which made me sort of glad for the mindreading thing. Is this even possible? “I wouldn’t have thought it was, until all the fun-filled features started showing up. The doctor visit was enlightening, though. Hard to deny a missing heartbeat.” 
    Hube was quiet for a while. I just let him absorb it all. “Sorry I accused you