Read Online Jack and the Devil's Purse by Duncan Williamson - Free Book Online Page A

tellt you, Father, this is my wife.’ His mother thought Jack had went kind of droll.
    But he said, ‘Jack, that’s only a hen, a wee black hen! A bonnie wee hen.’
    Jack said, ‘I’m marrying her tomorrow!’
    Willie stood up. No,’ he said, ‘you’re not going to church with me to marry a hen! No brother o’ mine’s going to marry a hen, not in the same church as me!’
    Sandy said, ‘No, no, I couldn’t have it! My young brother marrying a hen in church – to get a name about us and shame us to death. I’m going back with my wife to her father when I’m married. We’ve got a good going farm o’ wir own.’
    Willie said, ‘I’ve got a good going cobbler shop o’ my own. And when we get married we want no disturbance. We want a good wedding. We want everybody happy. But you’re not coming, Jack, not with that hen to the church!’
    Jack said, ‘It’s my hen and I’m marrying her. Now I’m going to the church with youse.’ But they argued and bargued.
    But to keep peace the old woman said, ‘It’s your wee brother, you know, maybe he’s kind o’ droll – something wrong has happened to him.’ The old woman was sad for her laddie Jack.
    But anyway, Jack took good care of his wee hen that night and put it in the bed beside him. And the next morning, true to his father’s word, the big carriage came to the farm door. And the whole village turned out. Because everybody in the village knew the farmer. He’d spent a lot of money in the village. He was a rich farmer. And theyknew the three laddies because they had all gone to the village school. The old school master came and the minister, and oh, everybody came! You know, the old trade farmers and the whole village! Everybody came to the wedding. And Sandy’s bride’s father was there, and Willie’s bride’s father was there.
    They marched the lassies down the aisle and gave them away to the young men. And the minister said the sermon. They were married.
    Jack’s father went up. He said: ‘We’ve another marriage coming up, Reverend!’
    ‘Another marriage?’ he said. ‘Where’s the young couple?’
    ‘Jack, my young son Jack’s getting married.’
    Now everyone took their seats. And there Jack walked up in front of the minister in the pulpit with the black hen. Wee black hen below his oxter.
    ‘Where’s your bride?’ said the minister.
    Jack said, ‘This is my bride.’
    He said, ‘I can’t marry you to a hen!’
    Jack said, ‘You’ll marry me to a hen! You’re a minister, aren’t you? And you can perform marriage services, can’t you?’
    ‘Of course,’ he said, ‘but not to a hen.’
    Jack said, ‘It’s my hen and I want you to marry me to this hen! I’ve got the ring in my pocket.’
    And the father whispered in the minister’s ear, ‘Carry on! Just to please him. Don’t raise him up! He’s my youngest son and he’s a wee bit queer in the head.’
    ‘Anyhow,’ said the minister, ‘ladies and gentlemen, we have another marriage to perform. And it’s the queerest marriage I’ve ever done in all my life.’ Everybody was quiet in the church. You could have heard a pin drop. ‘This young man is going to marry a hen.’
    Willie’s wife began to giggle on to her sleeve. And Sandy’s wife began to giggle. Sandy gave her a dig with the elbow:
    ‘Quiet,’ he says, ‘wait till you see this!’
    So the minister says, ‘Well, if we must perform the marriage, we must! Now, young man, name?’
    He says, ‘Jack.’
    ‘Jack,’ he said, ‘you’ll have to say these words after me. But what about your bride, your hen? It can’t talk.’
    Jack said, ‘I’ll talk for it. Don’t worry about it, minister. Marry me to my hen! And I’ve got the ring.’
    So the minister said, ‘Ladies and gentlemen, we’re here today to bind these two, these two – hen and man – together.’ He couldn’t say ‘people’. ‘Here to bind this hen and man for good or bad, in health, in sickness and in poorness.’ Whatever