part of me that would never completely let myself go. It was different with Evan though. I thought I’d given my heart completely. But if that was the case, why didn’t I just tell him? I wasn’t intentionally being deceptive or anything like that, but what was the point? I feared that this knowledge would seep into the more intimate moments of my life and so far, I’d been able to separate the two in my head. It was important to me that I could leave all of that in my past where it belonged.
“Aimes, I can’t believe you told him.” I said shaking my head back and forth. I wasn’t angry, I was defeated.
“Ink, I’ve known you since we were twelve years old. I’ve been down this road with you and I know how you’re gonna handle it. You’re gonna pretend like everything’s okay but it’s not.” She looked away and shook her head slowly. “I’ve watched you and you put on a good show but we’re adults now. You tell me. Talk to me and tell me what you need and how you’re feeling and I will do everything I can to help you but you need to tell Evan the truth, Ink. He’s been asking me all week and I don’t know what to say.”
“He’s never gonna look at me the same way again, don’t you understand? He’ll never kiss me too hard or make love to me too passionately, always wondering if that’s how he did it. It’ll change everything. I may not feel like damaged goods, but he’ll always know that I am.”
“You don’t know that, Ink.” said Gus. “He might just surprise you.” I could feel myself getting pissed. It suddenly felt like they were ganging up on me.
“Listen, you know what I need right now?” I asked bitterly.
“Anything you want, Ink. Anything.” Aimes had started to pull herself together, dabbing at her eyes with a paper towel.
“I need a ride to the gallery and if you don’t mind too much, Gus, I need some time alone with my girl here…but thank you.” I looked up at him, taking a deep breath to calm myself down. “It means a lot to me that you care.” And I meant it.
“You have a pretty big fan club. I’m just one of many members.” He said softly. “Okay then, I’ll go get us all some dinner. I’ll make a feast for you gals. You said Evan’s gone and Lisa went to see her folks? Right, cutie?” Aimes blushed deeply, something I’d never seen on her before and nodded.
“Thank you, hon. We won’t be gone too long.” They kissed sweetly and he cupped the back of her head with one hand and brought her in for a final hard kiss.
“See you soon.” He said.
All I could do was smile.
***
In the car, I knew Aimes was dying to talk. I was making her sweat a little bit for sharing my darkest secrets with Gus but I wasn’t surprised. I’d asked her to carry around that information for years and I knew it was always a heavy burden for her to bear.
She kept silently looking at me every other minute. “Aimes, go, talk, ask me whatever you want.”
She didn’t hesitate. “Are you okay? Tell me the truth. Not what you think I want to hear, the truth.”
“Actually, I am. I know you don’t believe me but I really am okay. I’ve been thinking about it, the whole thing. He didn’t rape me, Aimes. It was, well, it could’ve been much worse.” She started to cry again, “What? What is it?” I was starting to lose my patience.
“You’re just, you’re just so, matter of fact about it. It’s like you’re talking about something that happened to someone else.”
“Pull the car over.” I requested quietly. She ignored me and continued to drive. “Pull the mother fucking car over!” I screamed. She quickly veered to the side of the road and put her hazards on. When the car was in park, I turned to her and calmly spoke, “I am not going to be one of those fucking victims going to support groups and all that shit. I am not going to have some pity party and let everyone look at me with the same sad eyes you’re giving me now – you - of all people,
“Aimes, I can’t believe you told him.” I said shaking my head back and forth. I wasn’t angry, I was defeated.
“Ink, I’ve known you since we were twelve years old. I’ve been down this road with you and I know how you’re gonna handle it. You’re gonna pretend like everything’s okay but it’s not.” She looked away and shook her head slowly. “I’ve watched you and you put on a good show but we’re adults now. You tell me. Talk to me and tell me what you need and how you’re feeling and I will do everything I can to help you but you need to tell Evan the truth, Ink. He’s been asking me all week and I don’t know what to say.”
“He’s never gonna look at me the same way again, don’t you understand? He’ll never kiss me too hard or make love to me too passionately, always wondering if that’s how he did it. It’ll change everything. I may not feel like damaged goods, but he’ll always know that I am.”
“You don’t know that, Ink.” said Gus. “He might just surprise you.” I could feel myself getting pissed. It suddenly felt like they were ganging up on me.
“Listen, you know what I need right now?” I asked bitterly.
“Anything you want, Ink. Anything.” Aimes had started to pull herself together, dabbing at her eyes with a paper towel.
“I need a ride to the gallery and if you don’t mind too much, Gus, I need some time alone with my girl here…but thank you.” I looked up at him, taking a deep breath to calm myself down. “It means a lot to me that you care.” And I meant it.
“You have a pretty big fan club. I’m just one of many members.” He said softly. “Okay then, I’ll go get us all some dinner. I’ll make a feast for you gals. You said Evan’s gone and Lisa went to see her folks? Right, cutie?” Aimes blushed deeply, something I’d never seen on her before and nodded.
“Thank you, hon. We won’t be gone too long.” They kissed sweetly and he cupped the back of her head with one hand and brought her in for a final hard kiss.
“See you soon.” He said.
All I could do was smile.
***
In the car, I knew Aimes was dying to talk. I was making her sweat a little bit for sharing my darkest secrets with Gus but I wasn’t surprised. I’d asked her to carry around that information for years and I knew it was always a heavy burden for her to bear.
She kept silently looking at me every other minute. “Aimes, go, talk, ask me whatever you want.”
She didn’t hesitate. “Are you okay? Tell me the truth. Not what you think I want to hear, the truth.”
“Actually, I am. I know you don’t believe me but I really am okay. I’ve been thinking about it, the whole thing. He didn’t rape me, Aimes. It was, well, it could’ve been much worse.” She started to cry again, “What? What is it?” I was starting to lose my patience.
“You’re just, you’re just so, matter of fact about it. It’s like you’re talking about something that happened to someone else.”
“Pull the car over.” I requested quietly. She ignored me and continued to drive. “Pull the mother fucking car over!” I screamed. She quickly veered to the side of the road and put her hazards on. When the car was in park, I turned to her and calmly spoke, “I am not going to be one of those fucking victims going to support groups and all that shit. I am not going to have some pity party and let everyone look at me with the same sad eyes you’re giving me now – you - of all people,
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