that." Luke picked at his food.
"Yeah, well, you thought it. Jesus, Luke, how old are you?"
"What am I supposed to do?" Luke felt his eyes burning again, his hands clenched into fists. "I'm not like you, I'm not all strong and not giving a fuck what anyone thinks. I'm so fucking scared of them."
He shuddered, his eyes were hot and his hands shaking. Goddamnit, he didn't want Cooper to see him cry.
"Luke," Cooper reached out for him, and Luke felt himself drawing away. "Luke, I'm not gonna hurt you, okay? No one's gonna hurt you. You're okay. Come here."
Luke collapsed and fell forward into Cooper's arms, a sob shuddering through him. "I can't," he said, his voice muffled against Cooper's shirt. "I can't do this anymore, I can't handle it."
"Shh," Cooper's hand was on his head, stroking his hair. "It's okay. It's okay, all right? I got you."
"I know," said Luke, his voice thick with broken sobs. "I'll be okay in a minute."
"You don't gotta be okay, buddy," whispered Cooper. "I got you."
They sat for a while in silence, Luke's sobs slowly dying down. He was a jumble of emotions, a combination of ones he had felt all his life, and ones he was only daring to feel now. They hurt so much, those new feelings, as if they were all at once making up for all the hurt he had suppressed. He'd decided, in one moment, that he wasn't going to do it anymore. He wasn't going to try to be who his family wanted him to be, no matter how angry they were at him, no matter what they said. Cooper was right. There was nothing wrong with being himself, and he wasn't going to be afraid anymore. At least, he was going to try not to be.
He supposed he should be feeling some sort of relief at the thought, and in a way he was, but it was also painful, and incredibly frightening. "Is this what you wanted?" he mumbled angrily into Cooper's shirt. "Is this all you wanted, for me to feel like this?"
Cooper took a long breath. His body felt warm and safe under Luke's cheek. "I didn't want to hurt you, Luke. You just seemed so sad."
"I was," admitted Luke. "I still am though. Admitting it doesn't make all the problems go away."
"Not all at once," Cooper admitted. "But it'll slowly get better now. I know, I've lived it, remember?"
"Is that the only reason you wanted me?" asked Luke with a touch of venom. Everything felt like shit right now. He wasn't sure if he'd ever be happy again. "Was I like a project?"
"No." Cooper's voice was louder when he said that, and his whole body shifted indignantly. Luke drew away regretfully. "I mean, yeah, I wanted to make you admit it, but only because I'm selfish and I ... I like you. I thought I'd have a chance with you, and instead I just ended up acting like an asshole." He sighed, obviously frustrated. "Oh, also, you're hot. It'd be a waste otherwise."
"Ha!" Luke nearly choked on the laugh. "As if I'd believe that."
"It's true, you jackass. I know you don't see it, but you are ."
"Don't start." Luke shook his head, automatically rejecting the compliment, even though his battered self-esteem pleaded for more. Cooper liked him? Because of his personality and his appearance? He didn't think he'd ever be able to believe that. He wiped his eyes with the back of his hand, wishing Cooper would look away from him. "Can we go now? I want to have a shower."
Cooper stretched as he stood. "Yeah, good idea."
"Not together ."
"I know, you little shit." Cooper grinned and moved as if he was going to slap Luke's ass again, but he stopped at the last minute, looking sheepish. "Sorry."
"It's okay," said Luke, as Cooper began to lead them back to the truck.
"No, it's not," said Cooper. "Seriously, if I do stuff that makes you uncomfortable; you've got to tell me."
"I will," said Luke. "But it's hard because I don't know why some stuff makes me uncomfortable. Stuff makes me feel gross when it shouldn't, you know?"
"It's not weird to not want someone grabbing your ass," said Cooper.
But I do want you grabbing my ass .
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