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Authors: David Foster Wallace
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the room’s fifth wall? And who after all this light and noise has apparently spawned the
same silence?’
‘…’
‘Who’s lived his whole ruddy bloody cruddy life in five-walled rooms?’
‘Dad, I’ve got a duly scheduled challenge match with Schacht in like twelve minutes, wind at my downhill back or no. I’ve
got this oral-lyrologist who’s going to be outside Brighton Best Savings wearing a predesignated necktie at straight-up five.
I have to mow his lawn for a month for this interview. I can’t just sit here watching you think I’m mute while your fake nose
points at the floor. And are you hearing me talking, Dad? It speaks. It accepts soda and defines
implore
and converses with you.’
‘Praying for just one conversation, amateur or no, that does not end in terror? That does not end like all the others: you
staring, me swallowing?’
‘…’
‘Son?’
‘…’
‘
Son?
’
9 MAY — YEAR OF THE DEPEND ADULT UNDERGARMENT
Another way fathers impact sons is that sons, once their voices have changed in puberty, invariably answer the telephone with
the same locutions and intonations as their fathers. This holds true regardless of whether the fathers are still alive.
Because he left his dormitory room before 0600 for dawn drills and often didn’t get back there until after supper, packing
his book bag and knapsack and gear bag for the whole day, together with selecting his best-strung racquets — it all took Hal
some time. Plus he usually collected and packed and selected in the dark, and with stealth, because his brother Mario was
usually still asleep in the other bed. Mario didn’t drill and couldn’t play, and needed all the sleep he could get.
Hal held his complimentary gear bag and was putting different pairs of sweats to his face, trying to find the cleanest pair
by smell, when the telephone console sounded. Mario thrashed and sat up in bed, a small hunched shape with a big head against
the gray light of the window. Hal got to the console on the second ring and had the transparent phone’s antenna out by the
third.
His way of answering the phone sounded like ‘Mmmyellow.’
‘I want to tell you,’ the voice on the phone said. ‘My head is filled with things to say.’
Hal held three pairs of E.T.A. sweatpants in the hand that didn’t hold the phone. He saw his older brother succumb to gravity
and fall back limp against the pillows. Mario often sat up and fell back still asleep.
‘I don’t mind,’ Hal said softly. ‘I could wait forever.’
‘That’s what you think,’ the voice said. The connection was cut. It had been Orin.
‘Hey Hal?’
The light in the room was a creepy gray, a kind of nonlight. Hal could hear Brandt laughing at something Kenkle had said,
off down the hall, and the clank of their janitorial buckets. The person on the phone had been O.
‘Hey Hal?’ Mario was awake. It took four pillows to support Mario’s oversized skull. His voice came from the tangled bedding.
‘Is it still dark out, or is it me?’
‘Go back to sleep. It isn’t even six.’ Hal put the good leg into the sweat-pants first.
‘Who was it?’
Shoving three coverless Dunlop widebodies into the gear bag and zipping the bag partway up so the handles had room to stick
out. Carrying all three bags back over to the console to deactivate the ringer on the phone. He said, ‘No one you know, I
don’t think.’
YEAR OF THE DEPEND ADULT UNDERGARMENT
Though only one-half ethnic Arab and a Canadian by birth and residence, the medical attaché is nevertheless once again under
Saudi diplomatic immunity, this time as special ear-nose-throat consultant to the personal physician of Prince Q ———, the
Saudi Minister of Home Entertainment, here on northeastern U.S.A. soil with his legation to cut another mammoth deal with
InterLace TelEntertainment. The medical attaché turns thirty-seven tomorrow, Thursday, 2 April in the North American lunar
same silence?’
‘…’
‘Who’s lived his whole ruddy bloody cruddy life in five-walled rooms?’
‘Dad, I’ve got a duly scheduled challenge match with Schacht in like twelve minutes, wind at my downhill back or no. I’ve
got this oral-lyrologist who’s going to be outside Brighton Best Savings wearing a predesignated necktie at straight-up five.
I have to mow his lawn for a month for this interview. I can’t just sit here watching you think I’m mute while your fake nose
points at the floor. And are you hearing me talking, Dad? It speaks. It accepts soda and defines
implore
and converses with you.’
‘Praying for just one conversation, amateur or no, that does not end in terror? That does not end like all the others: you
staring, me swallowing?’
‘…’
‘Son?’
‘…’
‘
Son?
’
9 MAY — YEAR OF THE DEPEND ADULT UNDERGARMENT
Another way fathers impact sons is that sons, once their voices have changed in puberty, invariably answer the telephone with
the same locutions and intonations as their fathers. This holds true regardless of whether the fathers are still alive.
Because he left his dormitory room before 0600 for dawn drills and often didn’t get back there until after supper, packing
his book bag and knapsack and gear bag for the whole day, together with selecting his best-strung racquets — it all took Hal
some time. Plus he usually collected and packed and selected in the dark, and with stealth, because his brother Mario was
usually still asleep in the other bed. Mario didn’t drill and couldn’t play, and needed all the sleep he could get.
Hal held his complimentary gear bag and was putting different pairs of sweats to his face, trying to find the cleanest pair
by smell, when the telephone console sounded. Mario thrashed and sat up in bed, a small hunched shape with a big head against
the gray light of the window. Hal got to the console on the second ring and had the transparent phone’s antenna out by the
third.
His way of answering the phone sounded like ‘Mmmyellow.’
‘I want to tell you,’ the voice on the phone said. ‘My head is filled with things to say.’
Hal held three pairs of E.T.A. sweatpants in the hand that didn’t hold the phone. He saw his older brother succumb to gravity
and fall back limp against the pillows. Mario often sat up and fell back still asleep.
‘I don’t mind,’ Hal said softly. ‘I could wait forever.’
‘That’s what you think,’ the voice said. The connection was cut. It had been Orin.
‘Hey Hal?’
The light in the room was a creepy gray, a kind of nonlight. Hal could hear Brandt laughing at something Kenkle had said,
off down the hall, and the clank of their janitorial buckets. The person on the phone had been O.
‘Hey Hal?’ Mario was awake. It took four pillows to support Mario’s oversized skull. His voice came from the tangled bedding.
‘Is it still dark out, or is it me?’
‘Go back to sleep. It isn’t even six.’ Hal put the good leg into the sweat-pants first.
‘Who was it?’
Shoving three coverless Dunlop widebodies into the gear bag and zipping the bag partway up so the handles had room to stick
out. Carrying all three bags back over to the console to deactivate the ringer on the phone. He said, ‘No one you know, I
don’t think.’
YEAR OF THE DEPEND ADULT UNDERGARMENT
Though only one-half ethnic Arab and a Canadian by birth and residence, the medical attaché is nevertheless once again under
Saudi diplomatic immunity, this time as special ear-nose-throat consultant to the personal physician of Prince Q ———, the
Saudi Minister of Home Entertainment, here on northeastern U.S.A. soil with his legation to cut another mammoth deal with
InterLace TelEntertainment. The medical attaché turns thirty-seven tomorrow, Thursday, 2 April in the North American lunar
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