Read Online In the Name of Love by Patrick Smith - Free Book Online Page A

She didn’t know, she said calmly, when her marriage started to dissolve. Maybe six months ago, a year ago, she wasn’t sure. A shift in her way of looking at it. That was all. She knew of course that Anders was unfaithful from time to time but they were passing affairs, hardly more than flirts. Flirting had always been part of his charm: the boyish smile, the sudden earnestness, the flash of genuine warmth. She never felt they threatened her marriage. But now something had changed.
    ‘What?’
    ‘I don’t know. He’s seeing someone of course, I don’t know who. Someone new. But he’s always been seeing other women, not necessarily having affairs with them. Is it my pregnancy that makes me this way, do you think? He wanted children, I was the one who wasn’t sure. Then I thought maybe it would make things better. That was a foolish idea if ever there was one.’
    ‘Has he said anything about it?’
    ‘He says he’s thrilled. But I know that won’t stop him seducing other women.’
    She sat for a long time, looking away from Dan. ‘It’s awful that I feel like this!’ she said suddenly and she put her fists to her eyes with her elbows on the table. ‘Awful!’
    Later, as though talking of a mutual acquaintance, she said, ‘Do you think Anders might be more serious about this one? Whoever she is? I have the feeling she’s a lot in his thoughts just now.’ She looked at Dan and smiled. He said he didn’t know.
    ‘Doesn’t he tell you things like that?’ she asked.
    ‘No. Men seldom do.’
    ‘But you’re a close friend of his?’
    ‘We used to be close, yes. He’s always been good company.’
    ‘That’s true. He’s easy to get on with. We’ve never had a row, you know. Not once.’
    After a moment she said that maybe that was part of the problem. They listened to each other without taking each other in. She had thought her becoming pregnant would change that. But it didn’t.
    She looked down at her empty teacup and touched its rim with the edge of her spoon, playing with it, which was unlike her.
    ‘You know, I sometimes wonder if he’s ever loved me,’ she said.
    ‘He married you.’
    ‘The idea of me.’
    ‘What does that mean?’
    Instead of answering she said that the happiest time was when they’d taken over the house from her parents, doing it up. And opening the antique showroom. Then she discovered he was already having an affair. Or continuing an old one. She wasn’t sure which.
    ‘There have been others,’ she said. ‘I know they don’t matter. They really don’t.’ She stopped to look up at him. ‘Of course they’re hurtful just the same. Isn’t that stupid?’
    She was crying again. She clutched his fingers, held them tight until the crying stopped.
    ‘There’s someone more serious now. I can sense that,’ she said matter-of-factly. She took out a handkerchief and dried her eyes. ‘But what a thing to do at a time like this!’
    ‘It’ll pass,’ he said.
    She didn’t answer.
    ‘What I mean,’ he said, ‘is maybe you shouldn’t go to St Petersburg.’
    It was something he felt rather than thought and the strength of the feeling surprised him.
    ‘You think I shouldn’t?’ she asked calmly. ‘Why?’
    What he wanted to say was because you’ll regret it.
    ‘When can I see you again?’ he asked her instead.
    ‘Do you want to?’
    ‘Yes, of course.’
    She said her mother would be coming to spend Easter with them. ‘She’s been alone since the divorce. And she’s not well. But the moment she’s gone I’ll come to see you again. If that’s all right.’
    In the little hall, putting on her coat, she said that she loved it out here, the cosiness of the little house, the island lying so still in the sea.
    ‘Next time I’ll ring first to make sure you’re home.’
    ‘I’m not going anywhere.’
    ‘I’ll probably go to St Petersburg. Once Mummy’s gone after Easter.’
    ‘What will Anders say?’
    ‘Why should I tell him? Let it be a fait