her neurosis or even pathology.
Then there is another guilt peculiar to women. Our culture stresses rivalry, competition, as a legitimate motivation. But any advancement achieved by woman was considered competitive even when it was not motivated by it. In the early days when I was a young woman, I stated that I would rather be the wife of an artist than to be one myself. It was a way of avoiding conflict. I would live vicariously through the man, I would be all the artist needed—muse, assistant, the protective, nurturing mother. In my twenties this role seemed more comfortable. It was only when I met Dr. Rank that I realized I had my own work to do. When we live vicariously we expect the other to do our work, and we are disappointed if he does his own, diverging from our wishes. But before meeting Dr. Rank I conceived of growth as a big tree overshadowing other trees, endangering their flowering by absorbing all the light. I wanted to grow but I didn’t want that to interfere with anybody else’s growth. I must have conceived of growth as ultimately a giant redwood tree. I have never heard of a male artist concerned about the effect of his growth and expansion on his family. We accept the fact that his work justifies all sacrifices. But woman does not feel this is enough of a justification.
As a woman I was fully aware that it was my personal world which was the source of my strength and my psychic energy. The creation of a perfect personal world was the root of my inspiration. So woman is concerned with not losing this center, which she knows the value of. Just as the deep-sea diver carries a tank of oxygen, we have to carry the kernel of our individual growth with us into the world in order to withstand the pressures, the shattering pressures of outer experiences. But I never lost sight of their interdependence, and now I find in Dr. Rank the following statement: “Whatever we achieve inwardly will change outer reality.”
According to American culture I spent many years doing what is defined as an egocentric work, an introspective and subjective work, a selfish work. I was keeping a diary which kept me in contact with my deepest self, which was a mirror reflecting my growth or the pauses in this growth, as well as making me attentive to the growth of those around me. I continued to be dependent on the therapist ever so many years because he delivered me from cultural guilt and projected me into new cycles. Each cycle was a different drama. The first one was the relation to the missing father, the second cycle was the relation to the mother from whom I took the concept of female sacrifice, the third was the assertion of my own creative will. A final, a synthesizing analysis by a woman finally brought me to a harmony among all the parts of myself. But it was only when the diaries were published and their usefulness to others was established that I became entirely free of guilt. Which proves Dr. Rank’s point again that whatever we achieve is ultimately our gift to the community and to the collective life. Dr. Rank suspected, as I do, that group activities weaken our will. They may be a solace to loneliness, but they do not foster the individual creative will. It is necessary to establish this first before engaging in group activities. For Dr. Rank the supreme achievement was this creative will which could resist brain washing of various kinds. So often in women’s groups I saw individuals bring to the group only personal problems, neurotic problems which should have been taken to therapy, for the group is not trained to solve such problems. We should not bring to the collective an unfinished, distressed, chaotic, confused, sick, or hurt self.
At this time I would like to have you talk with me. There’s a word I love very much,
furrawn,
which is from the Welsh. It means a kind of talk that creates intimacy. I would like to know if you have any questions to ask me or things to tell me in relation to this creative
Then there is another guilt peculiar to women. Our culture stresses rivalry, competition, as a legitimate motivation. But any advancement achieved by woman was considered competitive even when it was not motivated by it. In the early days when I was a young woman, I stated that I would rather be the wife of an artist than to be one myself. It was a way of avoiding conflict. I would live vicariously through the man, I would be all the artist needed—muse, assistant, the protective, nurturing mother. In my twenties this role seemed more comfortable. It was only when I met Dr. Rank that I realized I had my own work to do. When we live vicariously we expect the other to do our work, and we are disappointed if he does his own, diverging from our wishes. But before meeting Dr. Rank I conceived of growth as a big tree overshadowing other trees, endangering their flowering by absorbing all the light. I wanted to grow but I didn’t want that to interfere with anybody else’s growth. I must have conceived of growth as ultimately a giant redwood tree. I have never heard of a male artist concerned about the effect of his growth and expansion on his family. We accept the fact that his work justifies all sacrifices. But woman does not feel this is enough of a justification.
As a woman I was fully aware that it was my personal world which was the source of my strength and my psychic energy. The creation of a perfect personal world was the root of my inspiration. So woman is concerned with not losing this center, which she knows the value of. Just as the deep-sea diver carries a tank of oxygen, we have to carry the kernel of our individual growth with us into the world in order to withstand the pressures, the shattering pressures of outer experiences. But I never lost sight of their interdependence, and now I find in Dr. Rank the following statement: “Whatever we achieve inwardly will change outer reality.”
According to American culture I spent many years doing what is defined as an egocentric work, an introspective and subjective work, a selfish work. I was keeping a diary which kept me in contact with my deepest self, which was a mirror reflecting my growth or the pauses in this growth, as well as making me attentive to the growth of those around me. I continued to be dependent on the therapist ever so many years because he delivered me from cultural guilt and projected me into new cycles. Each cycle was a different drama. The first one was the relation to the missing father, the second cycle was the relation to the mother from whom I took the concept of female sacrifice, the third was the assertion of my own creative will. A final, a synthesizing analysis by a woman finally brought me to a harmony among all the parts of myself. But it was only when the diaries were published and their usefulness to others was established that I became entirely free of guilt. Which proves Dr. Rank’s point again that whatever we achieve is ultimately our gift to the community and to the collective life. Dr. Rank suspected, as I do, that group activities weaken our will. They may be a solace to loneliness, but they do not foster the individual creative will. It is necessary to establish this first before engaging in group activities. For Dr. Rank the supreme achievement was this creative will which could resist brain washing of various kinds. So often in women’s groups I saw individuals bring to the group only personal problems, neurotic problems which should have been taken to therapy, for the group is not trained to solve such problems. We should not bring to the collective an unfinished, distressed, chaotic, confused, sick, or hurt self.
At this time I would like to have you talk with me. There’s a word I love very much,
furrawn,
which is from the Welsh. It means a kind of talk that creates intimacy. I would like to know if you have any questions to ask me or things to tell me in relation to this creative
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