Read Online I'm Going to Be Famous by Tom Birdseye - Free Book Online Page A

astro power, I switch into hyperspeed and vanquish the last morsel into the black hole of inner space.
    What’s that? Someone is coming into the boys’ bathroom. Quick. I’ve got to stand up on the toilet seat so no one can see my feet under stall number 1. Five, four, three, two, one … blast off.
    I’m being very quiet now. Standing on a toilet seat isn’t easy. Not only am I balancing one foot on either side, but I’m also ducking down so my head doesn’t show above the stall. I need to change identities. This is a job for Commando Mucho, top-flight secret spy. Instead of standing on a toilet seat in Lincoln Elementary School, I’m inching my way along a jungle cliff high above the Amazon River. Crocodiles and deadly man-eating piranha fish swim one hundred feet below me in the swirling water.
    I creep along the cliff toward the top of a secret banana tree. It’s protected by guards with machine guns and bazookas. They don’t want anyone to learn the secret of these bananas. But I, Commando Mucho, already know of their superpower. These bananas make anyone who eats them world famous.
    My mission is to steal three bananas so our scientists can study them and find out how to grow them. Slowly, without breathing, I look around the edge of the cliff.
    â€œHey, I smell banana.”
    Good grief. It’s Murray Wallace.
    â€œIs that you in there, Arlo?”
    Oh, no, he’s detected Commando Mucho. I’ve got to make my escape. I’ve got to— aiyee. Splash.
    Oh, yuk. I’ve fallen into the toilet. I now have one soaked left foot and shoe. Thank goodness it was flushed.
    â€œIt is you, isn’t it, Arlo?” Murray asks.
    Rats, I’m caught behind enemy lines.
    â€œHiding in the bathroom eating bananas, huh? How stupid!”
    I could really do without this just now.
    â€œThere’s a school rule against eating food anywhere except in the cafeteria,” Murray reminds me. “Only you would think of something as rattlebrained as eating bananas in stall number 1 of the boys’ bathroom.”
    I still haven’t taken my foot out of the toilet. He’s going to go tell Mrs. Caldwell. I know it, I just know it.
    â€œI’m going to go tell Mrs. Caldwell. We’ll see what she thinks of this stupid world-record business!”
    I knew it. I just knew it.
    â€œHold it a minute, Murray,” I say in a steady voice. “I want to talk to you.”
    It’s time for Commando Mucho to get out of the toilet and out of stall number 1.
    â€œWe have nothing to talk about, Arlo,” Murray says as I come out into the open to face the enemy. My left foot and shoe are soggy. My pant leg is wet halfway to the knee. “Tell your story to Mrs. Caldwell. Tell her about eating seventeen bananas in less than two minutes. You can’t do it anyway.”
    I look the enemy in the eye. No one tells me I can’t.
    â€œYou want to bet? Huh, Murray? Do you want to bet on it?” I ask, feeling angry again. “I’ll bet you anything I can break the record.”
    â€œAnything?” Murray asks.
    â€œYeah, anything.”
    â€œYou sure about that, Arlo?”
    â€œYes, Murray, I’m sure,” I say, my eyes drilling into him.
    â€œOK, Arlo.” Murray sneers. “You asked for it. Here’s a bet for you: if you can’t break the world record for eating bananas, then you have to never speak to Laura McNeil again. Ever .”
    â€œWhat?”
    â€œThat’s right, never speak to her again. But first you have to tell her why: because you’re a flop at breaking world records and not worth her time.”
    â€œYou’re weird, Murray,” I say.
    â€œI thought you wanted to bet, Arlo,” he taunts me. “What’s the matter, scared you might lose? Afraid Laura might rather talk to me?”
    Someone should do the world a favor and send Murray to Antarctica in a dill pickle jar.