Read Online If You Only Knew by Rachel Vail - Free Book Online Page B
Authors: Rachel Vail
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were you planning to do, Arnie?” Mom demanded. “Really! Rip it off her? And then what?”
Daddy mumbled, “Come on, Elvis.” Together they slunk down the steps and disappeared into the kitchen. The back door slamming was like an echo of Colette’s.
twelve
I leaned against the door of Bay and Colette’s room, my wet hair dripping over my shoulders, and waited for Colette to answer. Devin was in the shower, and everybody else was downstairs already, eating breakfast.
Colette turned around slowly and I saw she was sort of smiling. “Sure,” she said. She pulled a brown T-shirt out of her drawer and held it toward me. “Brown is your color.”
I hesitated for a minute. “I have Barbies that would be tight on,” I protested.
Colette threw the shirt down on her bed. “Don’t wear it, then.” She whipped off her nightshirt and reached back into the drawer to pull out a blue-and-white shirt for herself. As she tugged it over her head, I had a chance to check out the hoop through her belly button. The skin around it still looked pretty angry.
I picked up the brown shirt. “I’ll try it.”
On my way out, I heard her say, “Zoe?”
“Yeah?”
“It’s your body,” she said. “You have nothing to apologize for.”
“OK. You all right?” I couldn’t look at her while I asked.
“Sure,” Colette answered. “I blow off anything he says. So what if he hates me?”
“Well, if you need, or, I’m sure he doesn’t really, don’t worry,” I stuttered, backing into mine and Devin’s room. I heard Colette kick her dresser. I guess I wasn’t too helpful.
While I hooked my bra and used Devin’s deodorant, I thought about last night’s dream. It was gym class, and gorgeous Mr. Brock put me on the boys’ team despite all my protests until I pulled up my sweatshirt and screamed, “Look at these, would you? I’m a girl! I want to be on the girls’ team!” Usually I don’t remember my dreams but this one was pretty extreme.
I pulled on some white shorts, then sat down on my bed next to Colette’s T-shirt to put on my socks and sneakers. I took a deep breath and thought, If I ever want to try to be a different kind of girl, this is my chance to change. Enough of being one of the guys, buddies with everybody, never draw attention to myself because I’m just a jolly old team player. I have to do this.
That made me smile. Please, it’s just a shirt. Plus it’s brown, with a little daisy on it in front. Sometimes lately I make such a big deal of nothing. Probably nobody would notice anything different from how I usually dress. It wasn’t a glittery pink leotard or anything like I thought I was a beautiful star.
“Hey,” said Devin when I reached past her to grab an English muffin off the dining room table. “Nice boobs.”
I stopped. “Do they show too much?”
Anne Marie, Bay, and Devin studied my chest. “They sure show,” said Bay.
“Why not?” decided Anne Marie. “Why should you wear stuff six sizes too big all your life?”
“Well,” Devin said, “the boys will love it. Hey, Tommy!”
I looked away. Devin always seems to know my secret thoughts. CJ is lucky to have her own room so nobody can get inside her head.
We grabbed our lunches. “I hope I don’t sweat,” I said, checking my underarms. “There’s no place to hide in here.”
We were on our way out the back door, and Mom had already said, “Don’t forget your lunch,” when Colette joined us.
“Daddy didn’t come home,” Anne Marie said at the corner.
“Good,” said Colette. They all piled onto their bus.
When my bus finally came, I sat down next to Gabriela, my nice but boring cousin. Tommy and Jonas stormed on just as we were pulling out. They’re lucky the bus driver is friends with their mother, or she wouldn’t have waited for them. She’s nasty. They slid into the seat ahead of me and Gabriela.
I tapped Jonas on the head. “You do the French?” Anne Marie had helped me with it in our
Daddy mumbled, “Come on, Elvis.” Together they slunk down the steps and disappeared into the kitchen. The back door slamming was like an echo of Colette’s.
twelve
I leaned against the door of Bay and Colette’s room, my wet hair dripping over my shoulders, and waited for Colette to answer. Devin was in the shower, and everybody else was downstairs already, eating breakfast.
Colette turned around slowly and I saw she was sort of smiling. “Sure,” she said. She pulled a brown T-shirt out of her drawer and held it toward me. “Brown is your color.”
I hesitated for a minute. “I have Barbies that would be tight on,” I protested.
Colette threw the shirt down on her bed. “Don’t wear it, then.” She whipped off her nightshirt and reached back into the drawer to pull out a blue-and-white shirt for herself. As she tugged it over her head, I had a chance to check out the hoop through her belly button. The skin around it still looked pretty angry.
I picked up the brown shirt. “I’ll try it.”
On my way out, I heard her say, “Zoe?”
“Yeah?”
“It’s your body,” she said. “You have nothing to apologize for.”
“OK. You all right?” I couldn’t look at her while I asked.
“Sure,” Colette answered. “I blow off anything he says. So what if he hates me?”
“Well, if you need, or, I’m sure he doesn’t really, don’t worry,” I stuttered, backing into mine and Devin’s room. I heard Colette kick her dresser. I guess I wasn’t too helpful.
While I hooked my bra and used Devin’s deodorant, I thought about last night’s dream. It was gym class, and gorgeous Mr. Brock put me on the boys’ team despite all my protests until I pulled up my sweatshirt and screamed, “Look at these, would you? I’m a girl! I want to be on the girls’ team!” Usually I don’t remember my dreams but this one was pretty extreme.
I pulled on some white shorts, then sat down on my bed next to Colette’s T-shirt to put on my socks and sneakers. I took a deep breath and thought, If I ever want to try to be a different kind of girl, this is my chance to change. Enough of being one of the guys, buddies with everybody, never draw attention to myself because I’m just a jolly old team player. I have to do this.
That made me smile. Please, it’s just a shirt. Plus it’s brown, with a little daisy on it in front. Sometimes lately I make such a big deal of nothing. Probably nobody would notice anything different from how I usually dress. It wasn’t a glittery pink leotard or anything like I thought I was a beautiful star.
“Hey,” said Devin when I reached past her to grab an English muffin off the dining room table. “Nice boobs.”
I stopped. “Do they show too much?”
Anne Marie, Bay, and Devin studied my chest. “They sure show,” said Bay.
“Why not?” decided Anne Marie. “Why should you wear stuff six sizes too big all your life?”
“Well,” Devin said, “the boys will love it. Hey, Tommy!”
I looked away. Devin always seems to know my secret thoughts. CJ is lucky to have her own room so nobody can get inside her head.
We grabbed our lunches. “I hope I don’t sweat,” I said, checking my underarms. “There’s no place to hide in here.”
We were on our way out the back door, and Mom had already said, “Don’t forget your lunch,” when Colette joined us.
“Daddy didn’t come home,” Anne Marie said at the corner.
“Good,” said Colette. They all piled onto their bus.
When my bus finally came, I sat down next to Gabriela, my nice but boring cousin. Tommy and Jonas stormed on just as we were pulling out. They’re lucky the bus driver is friends with their mother, or she wouldn’t have waited for them. She’s nasty. They slid into the seat ahead of me and Gabriela.
I tapped Jonas on the head. “You do the French?” Anne Marie had helped me with it in our
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