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Authors: Kels Barnholdt
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“Here.”
“How did you know they were my favorite?” I ask, looking at his hands and not making any move to grab the candy from him.
“You were eating them that night at the bowling alley, right?”
And then I do something crazy. Maybe it’s because I know I get these butterflies in my stomach whenever he’s around, or maybe it’s because for the first time in a long time I feel just a little bit like myself again. It could be that I can’t lie to him because somehow he can see through me. Or maybe it’s just those damn peanut butter cups that push me over the edge.
Whatever it is, I find myself throwing myself on top of him and crushing my lips against his. Not even because I want to, but because something inside of me tells me I need to.
But what’s even more crazy is that his hands are in my hair and he’s kissing me back. Andrew Collins is kissing me back.
And it’s absolutely amazing.
So here’s the thing. Andrew Collins could be the best kisser to ever walk the face of the earth. I mean, not that I’ve kissed that many boys. Only four to be exact, and one I don’t even remember. Not because I was drunk or anything, but because I was only seven and it was at my cousin’s wedding. I don’t even know if I kissed him for sure. My mom and dad just told me I did. But that’s not the point. The point is that Andrew is for sure the best kiss I’ve ever had.
It started off really intense, probably because I pounced on top of him, but after a few minutes we started to slow down and kind of set into a rhythm. And then suddenly it would get intense again. We didn’t stop making out. I mean, we did, but not for, like, at least twenty minutes. And that was only because Chelsea pounded on Andrew’s car window and interrupted us.
“What are you doing?” she exclaims. “I’ve been calling you! Evan’s parents came home and they are pissed! We need to get out of here NOW!”
Then, before I have a chance to protest, she swings open Andrew’s passenger side door and grabs my arm, dragging me out of the car. “NOW!” she says again. “They’re calling people’s parents! Bye, Andrew, it was nice seeing you.” And then she slams the door shut and pulls me after her toward her car.
“What. The. Fuck. Was. That?” she asks me.
And all I can do is shake my head because I don’t know what it was.
And now it’s the next morning, and I’m laying in my bed thinking about it, and I still can’t figure it out. I mean, what was I thinking just throwing myself at him like that?
I have no idea what came over me, no idea what I was thinking.
Andrew and I are from completely different worlds. It would never work. Not to mention I’m not the type of girl who just goes around kissing boys randomly. And Andrew Collins of all people! I don’t even like him! He drives me absolutely crazy.
Not to mention the whole Mary situation. Ugh, how could I be so stupid? I mean, he said they weren’t dating, but who really knows? If they really were he wouldn’t have kissed me back, right? Unless he’s that much of a jerk.
The whole situation is starting to drive me a little crazy. So I decide right then and there to forget that it happened, because I already knew how it would end. With Andrew back with Mary, and me making a fool of myself. Might as well save myself the trouble.
NOW
The thing about a broken heart is that sometimes, even if there’s something that starts to make you happy again, something that starts to make you feel like maybe you’ll be okay again ---well, sometimes you don’t think you deserve to have it. Sometimes you feel like you should still be miserable. But mostly you’re just really scared of it, so you push it away. You push it down deep into the bottom part of your soul and make yourself forget that it was ever there to begin with.
THEN
I don’t hear from or see Andrew for a week and a half after the night we kissed.
Which is just fine with me. It’s not like
“How did you know they were my favorite?” I ask, looking at his hands and not making any move to grab the candy from him.
“You were eating them that night at the bowling alley, right?”
And then I do something crazy. Maybe it’s because I know I get these butterflies in my stomach whenever he’s around, or maybe it’s because for the first time in a long time I feel just a little bit like myself again. It could be that I can’t lie to him because somehow he can see through me. Or maybe it’s just those damn peanut butter cups that push me over the edge.
Whatever it is, I find myself throwing myself on top of him and crushing my lips against his. Not even because I want to, but because something inside of me tells me I need to.
But what’s even more crazy is that his hands are in my hair and he’s kissing me back. Andrew Collins is kissing me back.
And it’s absolutely amazing.
So here’s the thing. Andrew Collins could be the best kisser to ever walk the face of the earth. I mean, not that I’ve kissed that many boys. Only four to be exact, and one I don’t even remember. Not because I was drunk or anything, but because I was only seven and it was at my cousin’s wedding. I don’t even know if I kissed him for sure. My mom and dad just told me I did. But that’s not the point. The point is that Andrew is for sure the best kiss I’ve ever had.
It started off really intense, probably because I pounced on top of him, but after a few minutes we started to slow down and kind of set into a rhythm. And then suddenly it would get intense again. We didn’t stop making out. I mean, we did, but not for, like, at least twenty minutes. And that was only because Chelsea pounded on Andrew’s car window and interrupted us.
“What are you doing?” she exclaims. “I’ve been calling you! Evan’s parents came home and they are pissed! We need to get out of here NOW!”
Then, before I have a chance to protest, she swings open Andrew’s passenger side door and grabs my arm, dragging me out of the car. “NOW!” she says again. “They’re calling people’s parents! Bye, Andrew, it was nice seeing you.” And then she slams the door shut and pulls me after her toward her car.
“What. The. Fuck. Was. That?” she asks me.
And all I can do is shake my head because I don’t know what it was.
And now it’s the next morning, and I’m laying in my bed thinking about it, and I still can’t figure it out. I mean, what was I thinking just throwing myself at him like that?
I have no idea what came over me, no idea what I was thinking.
Andrew and I are from completely different worlds. It would never work. Not to mention I’m not the type of girl who just goes around kissing boys randomly. And Andrew Collins of all people! I don’t even like him! He drives me absolutely crazy.
Not to mention the whole Mary situation. Ugh, how could I be so stupid? I mean, he said they weren’t dating, but who really knows? If they really were he wouldn’t have kissed me back, right? Unless he’s that much of a jerk.
The whole situation is starting to drive me a little crazy. So I decide right then and there to forget that it happened, because I already knew how it would end. With Andrew back with Mary, and me making a fool of myself. Might as well save myself the trouble.
NOW
The thing about a broken heart is that sometimes, even if there’s something that starts to make you happy again, something that starts to make you feel like maybe you’ll be okay again ---well, sometimes you don’t think you deserve to have it. Sometimes you feel like you should still be miserable. But mostly you’re just really scared of it, so you push it away. You push it down deep into the bottom part of your soul and make yourself forget that it was ever there to begin with.
THEN
I don’t hear from or see Andrew for a week and a half after the night we kissed.
Which is just fine with me. It’s not like
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