Read Online How Genius Girl Saved My @$$ by Garry McNulty - Free Book Online Page B
Authors: Garry McNulty
Tags: General Fiction
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gravitational force that could bend space or some damn thing. All I know is, I threw up twice in my helmet and almost choked to death on my own vomit.
The race car, time capsule, or whatever the hell it is, comes to a halt at last, and I stumble toward the door, dizzy as all get-out. Once outside, I barf one last timce one lase. Time Travel Tip: Avoid consuming large quantities of cheap wine before traveling.
Genius Girl had given me a cell phone on the ride to the mine. I pull it from my pocket and press her pre-set number so she can give me a ride home. Except, now, it’s two days earlier, and she’s shouting at me on the phone, “What the hell are you talking about?”
I explain and Tracy comes to get me. We compare notes on when I left and when I got back, and it was exactly two days earlier. She’s all pleased with herself. The fact that I threw up twice in my helmet and almost choked to death on my own vomit didn’t seem to concern her at all.
*
After Genius Girl drops me off at my dorm, I make my way down the hall to my room. It’s so late even the party animals are asleep. When I tiptoe into my room in the dark, Toby wakes and sits up in his bed.
“Who’s there?” he says.
“It’s me, Ryan.”
“What are you doin’ all dressed, man? I thought you were asleep.” He looks over at my bed and gets this weird look on his face.
So I look over and see there’s someone in my bed. I flip on the light, and I see it’s me. That is, it’s present-time me. Genius Girl never mentioned this possibility.
Toby’s clearly not taking it well. “Is this some kind of out-of-body experience? ’Cause if it is, it’s freakin’ me out. Get your spirit ass over there and back in your body.”
At this point, my present-time self is stirring. He rolls over, and resting on one elbow, rubs his eyes. And sees me. And keeps staring at me. Hey, it’s still kind of a shock for me. I can only imagine what it’s like to come out of a sound sleep and see yourself standing there looking back at you.
I tell them Tracy Chyvers helped me travel two days back in time to undo something terrible. They totally believe me because everybody on campus knows Genius Girl can do damn near anything when it comes to science and astrophysics.
Then I tell my present-time self how Lana dumped us on national TV, and he’s like, “Oh, my God!” And how everybody on campus was laughing at us, especially her remark about the sex not being very good, and he’s like, “That bitch!” I didn’t tell him how I made a complete ass out of both of us by shouting “I love you!” twice.
Instead, I tell my present-time self, “Don’t worry, I’m going to undo all this, but right now I need some sleep. Move over.”
“Whoa!” he goes. “You’re not sleeping with me!”
Toby’s smiling now. He’s got a story he can tell his grandchildren, and it’s getting better by the second.
I’m growing a little annoyed with myself—my present-time self—and e! selfI say, “You know the chemistry exam you’re going to be taking this afternoon? Well, you flunk it, ass-wipe, because you partied instead of studying. I can pass that exam for you and screw up Lana’s plan to humiliate you.”
So he lets me sleep with him, but he makes me brush my teeth first because I smell like puke. Then he complains I’m using his toothbrush. I mean, Jesus Christ!
*
In the morning, Toby and the other Ryan go off to their classes and I study for the chemistry exam. That afternoon, I go in and take the exam and ace it. Okay, maybe not ace it exactly, but I pass the damn thing, all right?
Toby, who passes the exam again, shakes my hand after class and wishes me luck on the whole Lana thing, and I go off to see her.
There she is, sitting on the bench waiting. This time I’m not so much thinking how hot she looks as I am calling her a cheap, conniving bitch and worse
The race car, time capsule, or whatever the hell it is, comes to a halt at last, and I stumble toward the door, dizzy as all get-out. Once outside, I barf one last timce one lase. Time Travel Tip: Avoid consuming large quantities of cheap wine before traveling.
Genius Girl had given me a cell phone on the ride to the mine. I pull it from my pocket and press her pre-set number so she can give me a ride home. Except, now, it’s two days earlier, and she’s shouting at me on the phone, “What the hell are you talking about?”
I explain and Tracy comes to get me. We compare notes on when I left and when I got back, and it was exactly two days earlier. She’s all pleased with herself. The fact that I threw up twice in my helmet and almost choked to death on my own vomit didn’t seem to concern her at all.
*
After Genius Girl drops me off at my dorm, I make my way down the hall to my room. It’s so late even the party animals are asleep. When I tiptoe into my room in the dark, Toby wakes and sits up in his bed.
“Who’s there?” he says.
“It’s me, Ryan.”
“What are you doin’ all dressed, man? I thought you were asleep.” He looks over at my bed and gets this weird look on his face.
So I look over and see there’s someone in my bed. I flip on the light, and I see it’s me. That is, it’s present-time me. Genius Girl never mentioned this possibility.
Toby’s clearly not taking it well. “Is this some kind of out-of-body experience? ’Cause if it is, it’s freakin’ me out. Get your spirit ass over there and back in your body.”
At this point, my present-time self is stirring. He rolls over, and resting on one elbow, rubs his eyes. And sees me. And keeps staring at me. Hey, it’s still kind of a shock for me. I can only imagine what it’s like to come out of a sound sleep and see yourself standing there looking back at you.
I tell them Tracy Chyvers helped me travel two days back in time to undo something terrible. They totally believe me because everybody on campus knows Genius Girl can do damn near anything when it comes to science and astrophysics.
Then I tell my present-time self how Lana dumped us on national TV, and he’s like, “Oh, my God!” And how everybody on campus was laughing at us, especially her remark about the sex not being very good, and he’s like, “That bitch!” I didn’t tell him how I made a complete ass out of both of us by shouting “I love you!” twice.
Instead, I tell my present-time self, “Don’t worry, I’m going to undo all this, but right now I need some sleep. Move over.”
“Whoa!” he goes. “You’re not sleeping with me!”
Toby’s smiling now. He’s got a story he can tell his grandchildren, and it’s getting better by the second.
I’m growing a little annoyed with myself—my present-time self—and e! selfI say, “You know the chemistry exam you’re going to be taking this afternoon? Well, you flunk it, ass-wipe, because you partied instead of studying. I can pass that exam for you and screw up Lana’s plan to humiliate you.”
So he lets me sleep with him, but he makes me brush my teeth first because I smell like puke. Then he complains I’m using his toothbrush. I mean, Jesus Christ!
*
In the morning, Toby and the other Ryan go off to their classes and I study for the chemistry exam. That afternoon, I go in and take the exam and ace it. Okay, maybe not ace it exactly, but I pass the damn thing, all right?
Toby, who passes the exam again, shakes my hand after class and wishes me luck on the whole Lana thing, and I go off to see her.
There she is, sitting on the bench waiting. This time I’m not so much thinking how hot she looks as I am calling her a cheap, conniving bitch and worse
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